


The Notebook

by HogwartsToAlexandria



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: American Sign Language, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blowjobs, Building trust, Children homophobia, Dorky Nicknames, Emotional Hurt, Exploring one another, Falling In Love, First Kisses, First Meetings, First Times, Fluff, Grief circles, Grief/Mourning, Hair Pulling, Healthy Coping techniques, I promise, M/M, Meant To Be, Memories, Nipple Play, Past (canon) Child Abuse, Past mobbing, Rimming, Scar reveal, building a life together, deaf/HoH characters, injuries, past bullying, terminal illness, this is a love story guys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-07-23 23:35:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 52,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16169075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HogwartsToAlexandria/pseuds/HogwartsToAlexandria
Summary: Rick and Daryl were together for over thirty years, married for over twenty-five. When Rick dies and Daryl is left without the one person that's half his heart and more, the only thing that seems to help is to start again, at least on paper. And that's why we're here, to follow him as he goes back to that first time he's ever laid eyes upon the man that would be his boyfriend, to that first time he spoke with the man who would be his father's children, to that first time he's held the hand of the man who would be his husband. Because good memories, healthy children and a supportive family is what he's got left, we are with him as he opens a well-worn unadorned Notebook and starts pouring the content of his life with Richard Grimes between its lines.





	1. DAMN YOU, RICK

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TWDObsessive](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWDObsessive/gifts).



> Hello Hi Hi!
> 
> First of all thank you for being here, giving this fic its chance and all.  
> I've been working on this story for months and I'm finally ready to start posting it.  
> I have 21 chapters written so far and I'm planning on posting twice a week: Tuesdays and Fridays.
> 
> I really hope y'all will like it and give me your opinions, this is the first fic I started writing in this fandom so it is very dear to my heart and I can't wait to hear what you think as we go.
> 
> This Notebook has been beta'd by the amazing, wonderful, astonishing person that is TWDObsessive, it is the very first thing we ever worked on together as I approached her for the first time specifically to see if she'd give a shot to beta'ing it....and here we are so thank you, thank you Darling, your support means everything!! 
> 
> Thanks to all the guys at RWG as well, you rock <3  
> (I'll shut up now.)

_Present time_

 

“Just let it the fuck go Michonne,” Daryl growled. Why in the hell was she still going on about this anyway. “I'm just fine, just like I told ya yesterday, and the day before and I'm pretty sure I told ya the same damn thing the day before that,” he kept going, looking at her from behind the hair on his forehead.

“I'm just saying it would do you good to get out there and mix with people again,” she said before he could add anything, her hands raised in a peace gesture as she backed into the living-room where the rest of their family was waiting for them to go to a lunch party with the neighbors. A lunch party which Daryl had no intention of taking part in, thank you very much.

It was eleven a.m and he was still in bed. When he was sure she was gone he reluctantly got out of it and trudged to the bathroom, glancing at his reflection in the mirror knowing full well she was probably right about the dark circles he found there. But there was no way he was going to dress up and play pretend with people he didn't care about and would never care about. People who were just interested in him because of whom he had been married to and who would for sure press him with questions the entire time. _No fucking way_.

He washed his face in the sink and got into a tee-shirt and sweatpants before getting out to join the others and make damn sure they would let him be.

Still, when he reached the living-room area he couldn't stop the small smile that crept in the corners of his mouth. They were all there, his family. Michonne had found a seat on the couch against the wall next to Abraham and Sasha, Carol and Ezekiel sitting in the armchairs opposite them, Gabriel standing next to them smiling and Tara, Maggie and Glenn leaning against the kitchen counter in what appeared to be an intense discussion with Carl, Rosita and Aaron.

But before he could keep on with his reckon mission he found himself engulfed in the embrace of a heavily pregnant Judith and what was only a small smile broke into a happy grin. His arms found her back and he kept her tightly pressed against him reveling in the feel of her plump belly. Leaning back, she kissed his temple and went on to whisper in his ear “you don't have to come Papa”.

The breath he didn't know he was holding found its way out at this point, if his children were okay with him not going then there was no more discussion. And if he needed any more reassurance, he found it in the family signature nod and the small smile he got from Carl when their eyes met above Judith's head pressed in his neck.

His daughter finally let go of him and he was able to look at her full figure, his smile not leaving his lips when he saw she was wearing the same dress she'd had on when she announced to her fathers that she was marrying a certain Hershel Jr. who Daryl noticed was standing a little behind her with the largest grin on his face.

“How ya doing today lil'lady?” Daryl asked sinking in his daughter's eyes.

“Good Papa, I'm good, Denise says the baby is as healthy as can be and it's only a few weeks before we can finally meet him you know so I'm just…hanging in there,” she replied chuckling. “You wanna feel?,” and she didn't wait for his answer, taking Daryl's hand in hers and setting them both over the center of her belly. There, Daryl was able to actually feel his grandchild kicking and his eyes instantly filled with water. He blinked and tried to keep the tears from falling but he couldn't, he just couldn't.

Sensing his distress, Judith squeezed his hand a little trying to get him to look up and meet her gaze and when he did, she gave him a small smile, raising his hand to her lips and kissing his palm gently.

“M'sorry Jude, m'just, this is a lot, m'just so happy for you and so... y'know, y'know right?,” Daryl whispered in her ear when she went back to nuzzling in his neck.

He wished he could say more, wished he'd have kept those damn tears from falling in the first place, that he hadn't let her see how much of a wreck he was but he couldn't, just as he couldn't possibly put into words the entirety of what he was feeling inside. But she knew what it was, what he was going through, and he felt her arms squeezing around his shoulders which were just as broad now that he approached his sixty-six candles as they had always been. She knew he couldn't say more but he didn't need to, not with her, she knew him so well.

“Of course I know Pa, don't worry yourself so much, I know, I know everything.” and like that she went on petting his hair a little until she felt him regain his composure in her arms and she let him go, turning towards her husband and giving him a small smile.

Squeezing her hand one last time, he turned to let everyone else come at him, exchanging greetings, hugging him, kissing his cheek gently and telling them all one more time that yes, he was sure he didn't want to come. Content that they let it go, at least for now he watched them leave from his porch, nodding in the direction of both his children when they turned around one more time and then he went back inside the house, climbing the stairs to their... _his_ bedroom.

Once again he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror of the attached bathroom, having left the door opened and saw that he was wearing one of Rick's tee-shirts. That dumb thing he had ordered online that said “Married the crossbow guy” and he chuckled somberly. He had just taken the very first thing he found on the shelves and not paid attention to what it was. He stared at it in the mirror for a few moments and let the tears roll down again. He sat on the edge of the bed trying to dry his face as much as he could in his palms. “Damn you Rick...”.

When his eyes finally decided they had no more salty water to shed he went and showered, got dressed in something a little more decent and got in his car. Driving had always been something that soothed him but right now he just tried not to stare at the empty passenger seat nor at the wedding ring he was still wearing, trapped between his fingers while he whited-knuckled the wheel and used all the strength he had not to cry again.

First he had been driving without a real purpose but he was far from surprised when he found himself parking near the entry of Senoia's cemetery. It took him a few long minutes to actually get out of the car but he managed, eventually, and entered.

Knowing his way in there like it was his own backyard, he quickly arrived to Rick's stone and sat down on the bench that faced it. He sat in silence for a while before he began talking, his eyes fixed on the golden letters carved in the stone:

 _Rick Grimes_ , _wonderful father, tireless friend and forever loved husband._

“Jesus Rick, I dunno what to do no more. M'so tired, so fucking tired of doing this without ya,” he was silent again, closing his eyes and trying to take in the sound of the wind that had the spring leaves rustling in the trees around him, the songs of the birds finally coming back and he breathed deeply before he continued. “They were all there earlier, all o'them came to make me go to some stupid party...as if I could ever have any fun without ya there...and with those stupid neighbors no less.” He let out a little chuckle, too desperate on the edges to be considered as amused.

“Finally got them to let it go, stared them inta submission, just like ya said all those years ago.  Wherever you are...I hope you can see Jude and that massive belly she's got now, and Carl, that baby boy of ours... all grown up with his hair longer than ya ever let mine go... I hope ya can see all that, I know it would've made ya happy...”.

He didn't say anything more after that, he stayed on that bench, elbows on his knees, leaning toward Rick's grave, blue eyes losing themselves in the matching pair they found in the photograph the family had left at the foot of the stone. The afternoon went on and then off, the sky darkening without Daryl taking notice of it, not caring neither.

 

“I knew I'd find you here,” he heard behind him and turned ever so slightly to look at Michonne.

“Congrats, something you wanna say about it?,” he replied, his tone harsher than he really intended but she wasn't offended in the slightest.

“Nope, if you'd just push your gruff self over a little so I can seat next to you that'd be great.” and so he did. They sat in silence, both staring at the same picture, not moving an inch for several minutes until she took one of his hands in hers and let her head rest on his shoulder.

“I'm your friend Daryl, hell, you're my brother really. You don't have to push me away, you can't, no matter how hard you try, I'm not going anywhere.” The only answer she got came in the form of Daryl's shoulders heaving with the air it seemed he couldn't take in nor keep very long if he had it. She slid an arm around his waist and tilted her head trying to meet his gaze. “C'mon, let's get you home.” She pulled him up with her and did just that, not leaving the house until she was sure he was comfortably tucked in bed and ready to sleep.

Even though Rick had died a year and a half before, Daryl was still feeling it like it was yesterday. Yesterday when Daryl woke up to the sound of Rick throwing up in the bathroom. Yesterday when they went to Denise, hand in hand, because Rick couldn't stop doing so every fucking morning until he passed out on the cold tiles and Daryl was at a loss of what to do to help the man he loved. Just yesterday when she looked them both in the eye for a long moment before she took hold of their joined hands and told them what was going on, that Rick had cancer and would need treatment but that his chances were slim, so slim.

Rick hadn't said anything, just nodded and looked at Daryl like he always did, his clear blue eyes peering into their matching ones, saying so much without pronouncing a word. It was Rick who had squeezed Daryl's hand as the hunter helped him and out to the car, to their home. Rick who had wiped away the tears that traveled down his husband's cheeks with feather-light kisses and it's only when they fell into each other's arms that he let himself sink a little under the weight of the news.

He had wanted to be strong, as strong as possible for Daryl, because he knew just how devastated his husband was.  Rick, himself, was more devastated that he would be leaving Daryl than because he would be leaving this world. Because just as Daryl was Rick's world, the hunter had made his revolve around the younger man.

The next few weeks were hard.  Rick's state degraded greatly and soon enough he had trouble even going up and down the stairs on his own. But Daryl was there, of course he was, he would be til the end, just how he had promised on that beautiful day of June almost thirty years prior, in sickness and in health and all that stuff. Of course he was there, helping Rick through it all, trying to make him eat as much as he could, putting him in the bathtub when he couldn't do it himself, taking care of him on the days he couldn't even raise his hands to wash himself up, carrying him around when his legs decided they needed a leave for the day.

Denise had said that even with the drugs he wasn't likely to have more than a year to go. They had eight months. Eight months and three days to make some last memories, to take the time to say goodbye with everything they had, to say and show their love for a little while longer. Eight months and three days before Rick stopped breathing sandwiched between a picnic blanket and a thick comforter in their backyard with his back to Daryl's torso, his arms rested on Daryl's thighs, squeezing his knees weakly and his head wedged against one of his husband's biceps, smiling.

They had spent the entire day out like this, in each other's embrace, Daryl anchoring Rick through the shivers and the nausea and Rick trying to brush it all off as nothing while they stared at the sky and talked about the shapes of the clouds and how very fucking much they loved each other.

Thirty-four years after they kissed for the first time, Rick took his last puff of air and let go. And Daryl knew instantly, he sensed it, he could feel it in his very lungs, Rick's last exhale leaving his body never to return. They stayed like this for hours. The hunter couldn't find it in himself to move an inch and so he stayed there, surrounding his lifeless husband.

Michonne was the one to find them. She had been calling them a number of times after her daily morning phone call went unanswered and growing worried she had hopped in her car and drove the few miles that separated her from the Grimes residence.

The absence of light in the house did nothing to reassure her and she went straight for the door, entering without preamble. She was looking around, listening for any noise that might orient her in the dark of the house when she noticed the glass doors leading to the backyard were open and she went for them.

When she saw both men in the grass, Rick laying with his back against Daryl who in turn was bowed over him, his head resting on his husband's shoulder she knew. Daryl's whole body seemed to be shaking and he didn't seem to notice her at all when she approached them. It's only when she squat down next to them and placed a gentle hand on Daryl's that he reacted to her presence. He looked up to her, still not moving an inch and she saw the tears all over his face and neck, down to Rick's shirt underneath his chin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me, what do you think?  
> Also, this is sad, I know it is, but we'll go to more happy corners of their world right in the next chapter so, stay with me?  
> xxx


	2. AUTO-THERAPY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl's finding his way back to the start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So here we are for the second chapter of this story, it is as you'll see much softer and happier...hope you'll like! Drop me a word at the end to tell me? ;)  
> Thanks for continuing or joining btw!
> 
> Again, Thank you so much to the amazing Tweedo for the gigantic cheerleading work she's done with me on this story, thank you for believing in it from the start! <3
> 
>  
> 
> (a word of precision: Notebook Daryl is 29, Rick is about 24 and Maggie around 22)
> 
> Enjoy!

Their neighborhood was quiet in the early mornings and that's what Rick liked best about it. He usually went running around 6 a.m. and loved that there was generally no other noise than that of his running shoes beating the concrete with each stride. No offensive honk and no screeching tires. Everybody else was still sound asleep or only barely starting with their day. He would spend an hour or so running in the woods that circled the newest housing project and then go off to Main Street, slow down a little bit and go to his family's favorite bakery to order their usual before heading back home, hitting the shower and helping Daryl get the children to wake up.

The sleepy faces of his children and husband alike were endearing and he often found himself staring at the three of them rather than actually eating his breakfast. 

Back when Carl and Judith were still young children the after breakfast routine was a well-oiled one. Daryl would go and take care of Judith while Rick helped Carl sort through his clothes to decide whether he would rather wear his Spider-man tee-shirt or his Iron Man one. 

When Carl was ready they would both go downstairs and take little Judith from Daryl so the hunter could have some time for himself and when everybody was finally ready they would all settle in Rick's jeep. Once the two men dropped both their children at school, they headed for the precinct where they parted with gentle kisses, Rick going inside and Daryl heading towards his restaurant, The Hilltop, on the other side of the street.

 

* * *

  
  


The precinct, with which Rick had worked closely with over the years, had assigned a therapist to Daryl and the children after Rick passed and he had not been easily scared away by the man's shouts and threats to kick his damn ass if he didn't leave him the fuck alone. He had stuck with them, coming back every two days and after a while, the hunter's shouts died down and he started ignoring him instead, plainly and simply going about his life without paying any sort of attention to Dr. Greene.

He tried to feel bad about shouting at the poor guy who hadn't done anything to deserve it but he couldn't, not really, even if it was Maggie's father. After all, Hershel knew him well enough to know it wouldn't be easy for him to get anything out of Daryl. The hunter not being of a talkative nature to begin with and the fact that he was completely devastated logically enough only made it worse.

Of all the conversations the psychologist had tried to have with Daryl, there wasn't much for him to remember but when he woke up that day after Michonne had put him to bed, he felt worse than he had in a while and the old man's voice came back to him with full force. “I know you don't want to talk to me Daryl but maybe you don't have to, maybe what you need is to write something,”

The archer's brow had furrowed at that and he tried not to snarl and keep his voice as even as possible when he replied “To write something ? What the hell d'you want me t'write about?”

“About your grief Daryl, maybe you could write Rick a letter, or try to lay on paper your best memories, something like that, whatever works for you.”

At the time the suggestion had gone unanswered and Daryl hadn't given much thought to it but in moments such as this, when he felt like he couldn't possibly go about one more day without the man he loved, it came back to him and he was left wondering if maybe he should try it in the end.

The letter idea was a no-go, Daryl had already tried that in the past and the only result of it had been the man curling upon himself, crying and ruining whatever paper he had taken out of Rick's desk.

That's why he now found himself fumbling through Rick's drawers, trying not to let his eyes linger for too long on the objects he found there and only stopped when he got to the notebook he had been looking for in the first place. 

It was nothing much, just a college notebook with a black and green cover just like the ones art student always keep with them. It was one of the few things left of Daryl's old life at his father's. One of the only things he had not been able to put in the trash on account of Rick insisting to keep it because the very first words they had exchanged had come in the form of a wrinkled piece of paper torn from that very notebook during a very boring Management class back in college.

Daryl sat in the desk chair, a well-worn black leather chair that Rick had cherished with all his might because despite the years it had stayed soft and easy on his sore back when he came home from work at night. He sat there and let himself sink in the memory of those first moments, the first time they had talked to each other, of scribbling on the corner of a notebook page and exchanging pieces of paper trying not to get caught by the teacher like two teenage girls.

As sudden as it may have seemed when it happened, the exchange of notes had been far from occurring out of the blue. Truth is, both men had been attending that class on tuesday and friday afternoons for a few weeks and eyeing each other repeatedly over the course of said weeks.

Rick had taken the class as part of his mandatory minor course, he was asked to please choose a class outside the field of law enforcement which was his major and had chosen management thinking it might always come in handy if he ever was to be put in charge of a team inside the police force.

Daryl, then twenty-nine, had chosen to start a college course in parallel with his new activity. He had recently bought the old bar that faced the precinct on Senoia's Main Street and had decided to turn the dingy place into a much neater diner and had come to the decision of getting himself an actual college degree now that he was to be the owner and boss of a decent business.

He had never had the possibility of going to college when he was younger, too busy working his ass off to graduate from high school as well as cumulating part-time jobs in both a garage and a bakery all to get out of his father's house before he could even think about applying to any college. When he finally graduated he kept on working his two jobs, only now he could do it full-time, so he would work at the bakery every morning and at the garage on most afternoons and on the weekends.

He had never been one for socializing much and even if he had, his name alone was enough to scare most people away. A town like Senoia ran on gossip after all and his family had been a central topic for far too long for Daryl to make many friends.

He rented a studio above the garage from his boss, Dale. It wasn't much but it was cheap and as close as it gets to his job so he stayed there for a few years. Over the years the cheap rent and his almost non-existent social life added up to a decent sum saved on his bank account, so much so that he had been able to buy the place he had heard was for sale after one of Senoia's famous alcoholics, Pete Anderson, had died, leaving his business behind.

The only true friends he had made over the years he had spent working his two jobs were Carol and Ezekiel whom he had known because they lived close by the garage and of course Maggie who worked at the department store right by the bakery.

The couple had been friendly from the beginning, even trusting him to watch their children Sophia and Jerry when they needed a break. He always accepted.  Truth be told, the fact that they were confident enough in him to leave their precious children in his care left him feeling somewhat warm inside. He liked those kids alright so he'd gladly watch them whenever Carol and her husband asked for his help.

Maggie was a different story, he had known her since she was a kid.  He used to run and hide from his father in the woods and usually ended up reaching the fields of the Greene family without realizing it, which most of the time resulted in Maggie's mother Josephine and then her step-mother Annette dragging him inside their farm for a bigger meal than they knew he'd had in days. 

Maggie was a lot younger than him, but they had grown fond of each other when Daryl had developed a strong protectiveness of the then little girl, caring for her more than he would ever admit and taking it upon himself to scare every idiot looking to bully her and that went on even after she went to high school and he had finished his own school years for a while already.

She was the only one he had ever felt free to talk to about almost everything. The private person he was, not able to resist Maggie's experience of coaxing information out of him and the fact that he couldn’t ever resist her well-mastered puppy eyes didn't help either. 

She had always been curious as hell. So it was only natural that he told her everything about his very first management class at the University of Georgia near Atlanta.

He obviously told her how he had quickly decided that the teacher, some Mr Walsh, was just one more douchebag from whom he wouldn't be learning much this semester. He also told her how he had let his eyes roam around him in the classroom packed with students of various ages and from degrees as varied as can be.

But what had really interested her in the end, and he wasn't surprised in the least, was how going from one student to the other his gaze had finally landed on a wavy-haired, blue-as-the-sky-eyed guy a few rows from him. How he had felt his breath catch in his throat as he took in the view of the young man, concentrated as can be on the words coming out of the teacher's mouth, scribbling down as fast as he could, frowning and licking his dry lips every now and then. That was it for Daryl, or so he thought until the other man looked up from his notebook when the teacher announced a short break in the middle of their three-hour class.

Their eyes met and Daryl found he was transfixed.  He wouldn't have been able to look elsewhere to save his own life. Here goes  _ everything, _ he thought. 

The blue-eyed man smiled at him, one of those big bright grins full of perfect white teeth and gave a small shy nod in his direction and all the archer could do was return it, an awkward and shaky flicker of a smile, the corners of his mouth twitching softly.

They kept staring at each other for the few minutes it took for Mr.Walsh to regain his classroom with a smoking cup of coffee in hand and only when he got back to his lesson did they let go. 

Daryl instantly looked through the window he was sitting by and tried not to look back in the direction of the other man for the remainder of the class but failed miserably. He found he couldn't concentrate on anything else, let alone the teacher.

When the class ended Daryl went for the door immediately and rushed home only to find Maggie already waiting for him, eager to hear about his day.

The days between his two management classes seemed to stretch to no end as Daryl couldn't seem to shake the image of the younger man out of his mind, which was so silly (right?), 'cause he didn't even know the guy's name, he didn't know anything about him really. 

He forced himself to focus on the details of the restaurant redecoration handed to him by the construction workers and once again wished Ezekiel was with him to go over these but no, he reminded himself that the couple he'd asked to be his business partners were in charge of finding the perfect furniture to go with the atmosphere they had settled on for the restaurant and would probably only come by at the end of the day, if they came at all. 

Thanking the team of workers, he left the keys of the restaurant to their chief, a big redheaded guy who went by the name of Abraham with whom Daryl got on well enough, he left the place and went home, the same thoughts accompanying him all the way to his little studio.

Despite Daryl's impression that time had slowed down considerably, Friday eventually came and he found himself entering the management room trying not to be too obvious in his search of the gorgeous boy. He was surprised to see him sitting at the table just next to the one he had chosen for the first class and so he went to take his seat, trying once again not to look too eager as he strode towards his goal.

He tried to sit down as gracefully as possible only to hear the contents of his sweater pockets empty loudly on the floor. He blushed a deep crimson, looking up to the younger man next to him only to frown seeing he had not moved an inch, apparently oblivious to the racket Daryl had caused.

He slid down his chair to pick up everything that had fallen down and it's only when he  _ accidentally  _ brushed the other student's leg to retrieve his car keys that the younger man reacted. He jumped a little at the touch and Daryl's frown deepened and he whispered a “Sorry” that went unanswered by the man next to him. The archer decided to let it go even if he was utterly confused.

It's only a few minutes later when Mr. Walsh entered the classroom that the man next to him turned sideways to face him and smile the same way he had the other day. At that Daryl felt his confusion dissipate a bit to give room to his awe,  _ God he was even more beautiful up close. _

The contact didn't last like before and Daryl couldn't help but feel a little disappointed, the man nodded again and turned his full attention towards the day's lesson. Weeks went by like this, both men would sit side by side in the back of the room and look at each other intently first chance they got, which always coincided with the teacher leaving the room for one reason or another or being late to his own class,  _ that moron _ .

Daryl would sink in those blue eyes never to return, he would watch the younger man for hours, completely unashamed which is why he was so taken aback when he noticed something he hadn't seen before. After watching his blue-eyed seat-mate so thoroughly for weeks that he was starting to feel a bit like a creep, seeing something new about the young man was quite unexpected.

It was during one of the Tuesday classes, Mr.Walsh had once more decided that he needed a coffee break in the middle of his lesson and therefore, both men went back to staring at each other the way they always did.

Daryl's breath caught once again, fascinated by the younger man's eyes, by those lips. He tried not to be too obvious in his growing need to press his own against them. He was also fascinated by his hair that he felt would be the softest thing to touch. The other man turned slightly towards Daryl and nodded in that shy way of his Daryl had grown to find so,  _ so _ charming and as he did so, his hair fell a little and let the archer notice the transparent hearing aid device set on the young man's right ear.

He tried not to look too surprised but if the look the other gave him was anything to go by, he did quite a poor job at it. Unable to help his unusual surge of curiosity, Daryl motioned for his ear and asked in a hushed voice “You deaf ?,” and right then he could actually hear Maggie's voice...“ _ smooth, so smooth Dare”... _ and before he could answer in any way, Daryl went to correct himself “Sorry, I…I don't mean to pry, you don't have to...y'know, you don't have to answer.”.

The younger man smirked a little at his obvious discomfort and shook his head, effectively not answering. Walsh came back and Daryl sat there, blushing at his own stupidity and trying to process this new bit of information. He stared at his notebook for a long time, mindlessly doodling in its margins when a piece of folded paper landed on his desk. Raising his head and looking up in the direction of the other man, he saw him smiling faintly while he kept on writing Walsh's lesson. Frowning a little, he unfolded the paper and felt his own lips stretch in a small smile. On the paper he could read the following  _ “don't beat yourself up, I'm not offended”  _ and a little below  _ “I'm Rick by the way” _ . He had to remind himself to breathe before he hurriedly torn a piece of paper from his own notebook and wrote a simple  _ “I'm Daryl” _ before passing it to the next table. The look on the other man's face when he looked up was so intense and curious Daryl was sure the whole class heard him swallow.

Daryl watched as the other man,  _ Rick _ , tore another piece of paper and wrote before passing him the note that said  _ “Nice to meet you”. _  Daryl blushed a little and had to bite back a chuckle at the winking face drawn next to the words.  _ God, he was so fucked.  _ He wrote back  _ “Yeah, I'm glad too”. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chap will be next Tuesday!! Hope to hear what you think! It really gives me power to keep writing even faster!  
> xxxx


	3. A DATE?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Notebook entry_  
> We're inching closer, your eyes are that of my dreams, oh God where is Maggie when Daryl needs her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff? Anyone said Fluff? Here comes :P
> 
> Something I haven't said before but might have been "guess-able": We'll be alternating "Notebook entry" chapters and "Present time" ones, I'll precise it at the top of each chap so it's clearer. 
> 
> Here comes the traditional and very dear to me thank-note to the amazing Tweedo without whom I might have bailed in times of inspiration drought: thank you Cap! I know for a fact that she'll be releasing an awesome fic soon so stay tuned ;) 
> 
> And now I'll zip it...

_ Notebook entry _

 

When he went home that day, the archer had trouble doing anything else other than staring at the void, sitting on his couch and reliving the moment. 

He had wanted to stay after the end of the class, to keep talking to  _ Rick _ but, Carol had called and he was needed at the Hilltop. The redecoration was almost complete, the kitchen had been installed in the afternoon but there were still some details that needed his being there. So, he reluctantly said his goodbyes to the other man, probably letting his gaze linger in the clear pool of the other's blue eyes for longer than necessary, about which he found he couldn't care less, not when Rick was looking at him like that, his eyes sparkling and his smile blinding him.

He walked out of the,  _ his,  _ diner two whole hours after he'd arrived, clutching the last piece of paper Rick had given him in the pocket of his hoodie, holding on to it with a smile so wide he wouldn't be able to hide it even if he wanted to.

“ _ 404-555-0133, use it _ ”

Daryl passed the door of the grocery store at a leisurely pace, passing by the reception counter to greet Maggie and then going about his shopping with that same smile on his face. He bought a weeks-worth of food and other necessities before going home and settling on one of the stools of his mini-kitchen. He pondered whether to tidy things up around the apartment a little, putting away the grocery he'd just bought but decided against it. He'd waited long enough.

He took the piece of paper out of his pocket and onto the kitchen counter, laying it flat and trying to smooth the wrinkles he had forced on the material with how he'd held it in his fist ever since he'd stood from his chair in that classroom more than four hours before.

Still smiling, he took a beer out of the fridge and went for his telephone. He only ever used it to deal with the people he'd hired at the restaurant and to talk to his few friends so he hadn't really bothered with buying any of the fancy smart-something Maggie said he should get.

Taking a deep steadying breath he didn't really need since he had never been more drawn to anything, or  _ anyone _ , than he was to Rick but the idea of talking to him was so thrilling his hands trembled a little.

He pressed the keys of the other man's number in and started typing.

_ Hey, it's Daryl. _

As easy as it may have been to write the text, a simple one sure but still, waiting for the reply was another story. Seconds morphed into minutes and Daryl's hands weren't calming down. Rick had asked him to use the number and that's what he did, but what if he was regretting it? What if he thought Daryl was an idiot and wasn't worth his attention? Should he have called him? Surely that wouldn't have been the right move, not with what he thought he learnt today about the other man, right ? Glancing at the time on his microwave and back at his telephone Daryl started typing a second message instinctively.

_ M'sorry ‘bout earlier, my reaction was stupid I understand if you don't really wanna talk t'me after all... _ He pressed send and let the telephone rest on the counter, rubbing his face in his palms.

Why did he have to go and ruin stuff that hadn't even started? Why were things always this hard for him? But before he could dwell any more on his sorrows, his telephone beeped with an incoming text and the frown he hadn't realized had settled on his brow relaxed as he smiled for what seemed to be the hundredth time that day, and all because of one person.

_ Hey, don't worry about it, it's cool, I get that a lot. At least u didn't press it. _

Daryl stared at the screen and felt something flutter inside of him. He tried to picture the face of the other man, the Georgia-tanned skin, the wavy light brown hair, those sky-blue eyes he wanted to drown in, the thin lips he grew more desperate to kiss with every passing second...

He was trying to come up with something to reply, something a bit  _ smoother _ than what he'd proved himself capable of for now, but a second text appeared on the screen.

_ And … I do wanna talk to u … I've been wanting to do that for a while now... _

Daryl blushed and sure, that wink emoji was back...

_ Oh did you now? _ Daryl answered feeling the blush creep up to his ears at his attempt at flirting even though no one was there to see it.

_ Yep. _ came the answer, and right after :  _ But, I think I wasn't the only one right? _ and Daryl stopped himself from over-thinking his answer this time, deciding to go with the flow for once.

_ Nope ur right, u weren't the only one... _

A little time went by and Daryl let his fingers tap lightly on the counter, nervousness and anticipation heavy in the air.

_ I know we don't really know each other & I'd understand if you don't but do you, maybe, wanna do something after class on Friday? _

Catching his breath and his telephone before it slipped from his hands, said hands having gone quite loose around it with the surprise he felt reading the words, Daryl shook his head a little, bewildered.

_ You wanna see me after class? _  , went his stunned reply.

_ Mmm, yeah, you don't ? _

Daryl felt his eyes go wide but answered hurriedly, afraid he'd make the other man run away with his hesitation. And he wasn't, hesitant that is, really not hesitant at all just pretty...dumbfounded at the idea that someone, and  _ that  _ someone, would want to spend more time with him than necessary.

But then again, Daryl thought, it was Rick who had made all the first moves back in the classroom. It was him who'd smiled at Daryl the very first time their eyes met. It was him again who had switched tables and chose to sit next to the archer at the next class. Him who had discretely passed that first note to Daryl when he could have just easily ignored him after he'd made such a fool of himself, and the only reason Daryl now had his number was because Rick had given it to him of his own free will.

That train of thought was enough for Daryl to feel just that tad bit more comfortable and he quickly pressed send without thinking twice.

_ Yes I do, I very much do! _

Mentally slapping himself for showing so much eagerness he sat tight and thought briefly of calling Mags so she could come over after her shift and rescue him from his own awkwardness.

_ Cool, it's a date then *wink _ **_*_ **

Oh god, oh god, did he say a  _ date  _ ? Yes, yes he did, oh god.

_ A date?  _ Daryl asked shakily.

And Rick’s reply came fast and was as quickly followed by a second message.

_ Unless you don't want it to be one? _

_ Maybe u don't, sorry I shouldn't have assumed... _

And a third.

_ But I'd really like it if it were _

And one last beep.

_ Cuz I think I might really like u... _

Daryl finally took the clue that maybe he should answer and take the man out of his misery.

_ Wow, just, yeah... sure, I's just surprised 's all... I might like ya too, I think. _

He pressed send and his jaw quite literally ached with how much he smiled.

_ Oh, cool, that's excellent, date then ? _

_ Yes, date Rick. _

Oh my god, ohmygodohmygodohmy... need Mags.

_ Looking forward to it Daryl... _ and that wink emoji again, that man was gonna be the end of him.

_ Me too, good night Rick. _

_ Have a good night too Daryl, see u Friday... _

For a long moment Daryl just sat there, tracing the contours of the screen that displayed Rick's words, replaying the conversation in his mind, the various times he'd sunk in the younger man's eyes, wishing he'd have countless other occasions to go and shipwreck in those calm, awe inspiring seas. And maybe now he would, if he didn't ruin it all by being his usual stupid self that is.

Then he slid off his stool, grabbed his leather jacket and went for a walk in the woods just like he always did when he needed to calm down and think things through, and now was just one of those times.

Sure enough, his steps brought him back to the same place they had so many times before. It was as if they'd sensed what he'd needed and where he could find it, the comfort of a friendly ear, the warmth of people he considered family even if they weren't blood and maybe even more so because of it, and a girl, a  _ woman _ , who never got tired of hearing every single detail of his life and would surely be ecstatic about its latest development.

He walked slowly but surely, waved at the farm workers on the way to the house, paused to hug Annette briefly and nod at Hershel before he made his way upstairs and invited himself in Maggie's room, decided that he would wait for her there.

_ M'in your room, got some stuff I need to talk about with ya. _

_ Got anything to do with Blue Eyes? _

And in spite of how overwhelmed he felt with the whole thing Daryl let out a little chuckle at that,  _ Damn girl, _ she always seemed to know everything and he could just picture the delighted and knowing look on her face, her excited eyebrow movements as he was sure she would wiggle them for him when the innuendoes would start pouring from her mouth.

_ Maybe _

_ I'll be right there ;) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? how are we feeling after this chapter?...   
> Thanks to all for following this story with me! See you on Friday!  
> Also, I have a playlist for this fic, anyone interested in me sharing it?


	4. SMILING TO THE SKIES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jerry and Sophia Payton, Daryl falling fast and overall sweet feelings? Because Rick is quite worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Hi HI, Here is chapter Four, Hi.
> 
> I have asked the other day if any of you were interested in a playlist and got yes's so here goes:  
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLd7uRYmAdMhn8JM5IqkRuVyFh_mKAgf-F (I tried putting in an active link at the very beginning of the chap, tell me if it works?) I naturally tend to listen to rather melancholic (downright sad sometimes) songs so there's a lot of that there and I might add to this list as we go forth. I am also working on a more happy playlist, I'll keep you posted ;)  
> I also listened to the soundtrack of Ally Mcbeal by Vonda Shepard a lot (I mean allll the time) so here goes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUQefxAp2uc&list=PL2D34E3243D8D417E.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who is (still) reading ;) Hope you enjoy this chapter, it isn't very long but I promise we're building up towards lengthier chapters!
> 
> As always, I want to take a few sec (words) to thank the greatest of all: TWDObssessive, all the love and yes I'm working on the next thing, Cap!

_[The Notebook Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLd7uRYmAdMhn8JM5IqkRuVyFh_mKAgf-F)_

_[Vonda Shepard - Writing Mood Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUQefxAp2uc&list=PL2D34E3243D8D417E) _

_Notebook entry_

 

The next day, Daryl was as busy as can be but it didn't change the fact that his thoughts constantly went wandering back to the same thing, _person_ , to sea-blue eyes, earth-shattering smiles and Rick, just Rick, talking to Rick, looking at Rick, smiling at Rick and the last and most mind-busying thought of them all, _dating_ Rick _._ Even though his heart fluttered at the prospect and his hands trembled a bit and he couldn't help the light blush that came to his cheeks.  He still had a lot to do that day.

Apart from answering a thousand phone calls for the restaurant, he passed by the garage to see if Dale needed any help even though he technically didn't work there anymore and he still had to pick up the kids.

Wednesdays were the days Daryl more often than not got to watch Sophia and Jerry. They were released from school early and their parents had asked Daryl a long time ago now, if he'd mind taking care of them for the afternoon so they could have it for themselves, and Daryl didn't mind, not in the slightest.

So here he was, standing at the gates of _Kingdom Quarry Elementary_ at half past three, waiting for the kids to be released while his mind traveled in time and space with thoughts he'd rather refrain from having after Mags told him he was once again getting all worked up all too quickly.

He couldn't quite help it, even when dozens of children began to pour from the doors of the main building, he caught himself wondering what Rick would look like when age came knocking, how a few strands of grey might paint his superb waves with silver shades and sparkles. But yeah, way too soon to let those kind of ideas settle and spread inside his poor neglected and helpless romantic heart, however breathtaking said ideas might be.

Sophia appeared in the masses of kids and waved at him, attached to her ten-year old hand was her six-year-old baby brother, stumbling along shy and quiet. When Daryl saw them he immediately smiled. He just had a thing for those two, the pair of them never failed to warm his heart.  They had just the perfect kind of sibling love, solidarity, and support he never really got to experience himself.

As much as Merle had tried being there between Daryl and his asshole excuse of a father, he had demons of his own to deal with outside the house.  All, in all he never had the warm and gentle nature Daryl would seek in people now that he knew better.

Shaking off that train of thought, he waved to the children and when they reached him, Daryl took Jerry's other hand in his after giving the girl a quick peck on the forehead and together, they headed for the diner.

The _Hilltop_ was now ready for its grand opening scheduled the next week and Daryl decided it would make as good a place as any to put together some kind of snack for the children and settle with homework and some cards game they liked to play when they were left in his care.

The afternoon wore off quite quickly. The trio had just as much fun as they always had, chatting all along, Daryl still learning the subtleties of the American Sign Language with the most patient of teachers ever. Making up for his frustrating lack of structure with his enthusiasm and eagerness to be able to communicate freely with his favorite boy.

Jerry was actually born deaf due to birth defects affecting both his inner ear and his auditory nerve. Carol had already been over forty when she got pregnant with him and even though he had been one of those unplanned babies there had been no questions between Ezekiel and his wife as to whether they would be enlarging their family or not.

The doctors had informed them that it would be a pregnancy with higher risks than her previous one and they were proven right. But they never regretted their decision, not for a second and Daryl fully understood why. That boy was as joyful as they come, quite literally projecting light wherever he went, always smiling, always considerate of others and concerned with their well-being, his sister first and foremost. The archer had grown fond of Jerry the very second he'd seen his tiny face in the maternity ward of the hospital the night he had been born. Right then he'd known as sure as the sun rises in the east that he'd always be there for the little guy, just like he'd sworn to that when his sister had first graced the world with her presence.

It then came naturally that Daryl strode along the family to learn and be able to communicate fluidly in sign language. He was still struggling with some of its grammar and obviously didn't have as much vocabulary as he'd like, but otherwise he was doing quite good.

Carol and Ezekiel texted him early in the day to warn him that they would only be coming home around eleven p.m. so he and the children went back to the Payton house as the night began to settle, and Daryl prepared the kids their dinner. They played a few more of their favorite board games, before he sent them both to bed for a good night sleep.

Daryl contemplated what to do with himself for the next two hours when his telephone buzzed in his breast pocket. Smiling brighter than he ever remembered doing before the last few days happened, he opened the glass door leading to the backyard and slipped through.

_Had a good day Daryl ?_

He stared at his phone for a few seconds, drinking in the multiple feelings that simple text from Rick brought him.

 _Yep, even better now ;) you?_ he answered, his heart beating at his own forwardness, one that he was so unfamiliar with and yet felt so natural when talking to the younger man he didn't even feel as scared as he thought he would. Rick's reply came fast and Daryl's jaw started to ache already.

_If sitting in class thinking about something else entirely all day long qualifies as a good day, then yes, I had a very good one._

_Oh yeah ? Well, depends on what that something else is I guess ?_ Daryl closed his eyes when he pressed send, waiting for his answer while a thousand butterflies seemed to have decided to start flying all at the same time in his belly.

_Question isn't what but who … ;)_

_Mmm, who then?_

_I think u have an idea …_

_Well…I'd rather u told me cuz I've been doing the same with my day, u know, thinking about someone, smilin' for no reason…_

Daryl shuddered at his own reply, once again taken aback by how easy it seemed to just tell things to Rick, even if it meant baring his vulnerable throat for the benefit and sake of a man he really didn't know that much. But again, the guy apparently had earned his careful trust more easily than anyone else before.

 _U have?_ Rick asked.

_Mmm..._

_Well, that's interesting, cuz I haven't stopped thinking about u either y'know and I was wondering if u felt the same..._

_Guess u got yer answer now huh?_

_Yes, I have, and I'm glad, I was afraid it was just me, my parents always say I get ahead of myself most of the time so, u see why I could be worried ;)_

_Don't tell me about it, m'best friend won't shut up about me doin' the same thing each time..._

_Each time? U a serial dater or somethin' Daryl?_ The reply had Daryl's eyebrows shooting up to his hairline, he hadn't meant it that way, nonononono...

_What? No! No, not at all. Don't want u to go and think that, nothin' less true really._

He pressed send and crossed his fingers, hoping he hadn't given any wrong ideas to the only man he had ever really wanted things to work out with and in such a short amount of time, too.

_Haha I's just teasin' you know ;) but I'm glad, I prefer that... Not much of a dater either..._

_Really? With that pretty face of yours? Kinda thought you'd be overwhelmed with requests…_

Daryl really hoped he was right to let himself talk like this to the other man. As easy as the words seemed to come to him when he talked to Rick, flirting was so unusual for him that it left him feeling quite uneasy waiting for each reply and his cheeks were now burning, all red with embarrassment.

_U quite the flatterer Mr Dixon aren't u?_

_Only speaking my mind Mr Grimes..._

_Well, if you wanna know, when I said I wasn't much of a dater, the truth is I really never do dates normally._

_You don't?_

_Nope._

Confusion and something else that the archer couldn't seem to identify were battling inside his mind, something akin to gratitude and feeling flattered and overall almost emotional had his chest rising a little faster as his heart sped up. Whatever reason Rick had not to date anyone he had looked past it for him, or at least he was about to and Daryl wasn't sure of how he could ever describe how that made him feel, but he was content.  A sigh of easy happiness escaped him and his smile grew wider if that was even possible.

_Well, I ain't gonna ask, but I ain't gonna complain about you choosing to overlook that for me neither..._

Rick's reply came instantly and this time Daryl swore he could almost see the other man shooting a wink in his direction and the butterflies in his belly went on to assault his ribcage, bouncing back and forth, circling his fast-beating heart to drunkenness. God, and he hadn't even been alone with the guy yet…

_Good. 'Cuz I'm really looking forward to the two of us spending that bit of time together and I would hate for you to feel anything too distant from the happiness I feel about it..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, next chapter will be on Tuesday and I would very much like to hear your thoughts, they bring me joy, they bring me warmth, they bring me life.
> 
> All the love and huggggs!


	5. THE GRAY MAKES WAY FOR BEAMING LIGHT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is that Ole Merle?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are for chapter 5! hope you like! 
> 
> Thank you to the wonderful TWDObsessive for her wonderful beta work and cheerleading, that's far too precious for me to take it for granted, you rock <3

 

_ Notebook entry _

 

 

The hallways are just as gray as they were the last time Daryl was there which had to be almost three months by now. He followed the prison guard diligently, trying to keep up with the guy's rapid pace, and not let the grimness and gloom soak too deep in his skin. After passing the various gates that were protocol he was left to sit at the table of his choice in the dim cafeteria.

He chose the same one he always went to, the one by the large window in the left corner of the room. He sat with his back to the wall, staring through it as best as he could with the rows of thick bars that were affixed to it and letting the seat in front of it vacant in case his brother would want to let his own gaze wander past these walls and out in the cloudless sky of the early Georgia morning. He didn't have to wait long before Merle entered the room. The guard who had gone to fetch him let them have some semblance of privacy and went to stand by the door three tables down from theirs. They were the only ones there today and Daryl wasn't really surprised, he always came early enough in the morning and the poor amount of visitors at that time of day was just one of the many reasons why he did so.

“Well well well, hello there baby brother! Been awhile since ya came 'round t'see ol' Merle here!,” Merle said.  To anyone listening he might have sounded happy but Daryl couldn't help but hear the reproach behind his words and he once again questioned his being here in the first place.

“I've been busy Merle, told ya in the letters I sent ya.”

“Yeah yeah I know, got yerself a restaurant now huh?.”

“Yes, that's it, a diner, maybe ya can come work there with me when you get out?”

“Oh baby brother, not sure ya really want your ol' brother there in yer clean business d'ya?”

“What'd hell r'ya sayin' Merle, of course ya can work for me when you get outta here.”

“Well, we'll see about it then huh, still got seven years ta go, five if I behave.”

There was a short moment of silence, a rare thing in Merle's company, during which the two of them just looked at each other, plainly, simply and Daryl thought it wasn't too bad after all. It'd been a while and they were having a normal conversation for once. But then something shifted and Daryl knew when he saw the grin spreading across his brother's face that he wasn't really gonna like the direction said conversation was about to take.

“So, got yerself any warm bed to go back to t'night brother?”

“Ain't talking 'bout that with you Merle.” Daryl replied hoping his tone was final enough for it to end there, needless to say it didn't.

“Oh c'mon Darlina, ya know I ain't got much action in here but ma damn hands so tell me, entertain your ol' pal here, any cowboy caught yer bachelor eye yet?”

Right there, that was the moment he was dreading.  It had taken a while for Merle to accept that Daryl was never gonna like the “big tits and foxy ladies” the way he'd thought he would, but ever since he'd got his head around the idea he wouldn't let Daryl alone about his love life or lack of, either teasing or wanting to know every bit of every little thing that was happening with his brother. 

Daryl looked away and once again hoped to hell the blush he thought he was feeling in his cheeks wasn't really there, except it was and Merle whistled loudly in that crass way he had before the guard shut him up none too gently.

“Ya blushing lil' brother so I take it there's a cowboy aft' all!”

“Shut up Merle, done told ya I ain't tellin' ya a thing 'bout anythin'.”

The visit drew on for a little bit longer before the guard told them Merle had to go back if he wanted to have lunch.  If he was being honest, Daryl was thankful for the interruption, saying goodbye and turning his back on his locked-up brother was always an awkward business and systematically made him feel guilty when he really shouldn't. Merle was the first to tell him that, gruffly and probably with more yelling than kind words, but that was just his way. 

It wasn't like Daryl hadn't tried to get Merle out of his troubles multiple times before the police decided it was one time too many and the judge had agreed, sentencing his brother to nine years behind bars. He had tried plenty to help him quit drugs, leave the wrong circles of people that he always seemed to navigate in. It was all in vain, Merle was an addict and everyone in town knew it. 

Nope, Daryl shouldn't feel any bit of guilt over what his brother did to himself but he couldn't really help it either.

He walked out of the facility, slowly, went back to his truck, and turned his phone back on once he was comfortably settled in the driver's seat. Sure enough he already had three texts from Rick waiting for him. They had spent the previous night sending each other texts all through the early hours of the morning, until they both deemed it urgent to hang up if they wanted to get anything done the next day. Right now though, Daryl still had two hours left before he was needed at the Hilltop and he was more than willing to spend a bit of that time talking with Rick. He opened the texts and laughed, a frank and liberating laugh after all the tension he'd felt inside the prison.

The first text was short and still had him blushing already,

_ Hey pretty _

The second made his smile grow to what he'd come to think of as  _ the Rick-beam _ and read:

_ So... I dunno if I've told ya but I still kinda live with my parents and my mother is one of those super perceptive ladies so obviously she got that something was going on with me and cornered me into telling her and now, well, she's making me try on my whole damn closet so I'll look 'as perfect outside as I'm inside' god help me… _

And to prove his words came the third message which wasn't a text but a picture which Daryl had trouble seeing clearly on that small thing of a phone he'd bought at the department store but once he zoomed in a little he could see what had to be Rick's bed, only it was covered in a ton of clothes that looked as though they had all been tried on before being discarded on the piece of furniture one item after the other.

He closed the picture and went to answer pressing the keys quickly, the words coming fast and easy to him as they always seemed to do when Rick was on the receiving end.

_ Hello there, I think I might just like your Ma' already but the catwalk situation ain't really necessary, ya don't gotta do that… _

_ No? _

_ Nope, pretty sure ya'll look good no matter what... _

Rubbing his face in his palms, not sure if he let that one slip or if he really wanted to tell him that but it was out there now, all he could do was wait and see. As was often the case, he didn't have to sweat it for too long.

_ Oh…thanks,  _ Came the reply and once again Daryl was subject to the image of Rick forming instantly in his head except this time he could bet he was blushing if only slightly and the delighted feeling he got from that made it easy to decide that he would be making it a personal goal to have it happen for real the next day. Probably changing subjects to avoid his own awkwardness around compliments, something else Daryl took note of, the next message came in before the archer had had time to think about anything to say.

_ You just waking up now? _

Daryl glanced at the time on the dashboard of his truck and back at his telephone, it was nine thirty a.m. and he was certainly not waking up. He briefly considered lying to Rick but somehow it already felt too wrong to even give it a second thought so he just settled on giving him vague truth, hoping that would do for now.

_ Nope, I was visiting my brother and now going back to the restaurant, ya? _

_ Oh ok, didn't know you had a brother. Well my mom woke me up before eight… _

Daryl read the not-so-long message a few times over and decided that he liked what he saw there, how even if he was obviously interested Rick wouldn't try to push him and pry on the subject of Merle. People were always either judgmental or way too keen on gossiping for his liking and Rick's discretion was very welcome, very refreshing. But then again he guessed that Rick, himself, must have been subjected to way more scrutiny than most people are comfortable with if Daryl was right about his disability so that would explain it for sure.

_ Ya and your Mama seem cute together haha _

_ Oh don't make fun of me !  _

_ I ain't, it IS cute!  _ Daryl answered before finally fastening his seat belt and pulling out of the parking lot, immediately turning on to the highway and heading home first thing. The drive was as uneventful as they get and he was home within twenty minutes or so. Reaching for his phone first thing, which was one more thing that seemed to morph into a habit these days, he read Rick's message and the wheels in his head started turning.

_ Any ideas as to where u wanna go tomorrow? _

Ideas, he had plenty but with the indecision he was feeling he might as well have none. Again his inexperience in the matter of dating was showing. He knew there was plenty they could do together but going from there to actually choosing something, deciding for the both of them, that was one more vulnerable step Daryl really wanted to take but he knew he would only be able to do so on shaky, unsure legs.

_ I might have a few and I might also still be thinking about it… _

_ Haha ! well, whatever u choose don't worry, as long as it's not a crowded place I'm sure u can't go wrong, I just want to get to know u. _

That guy was definitely going to be the end of him really, how he understood so easily that Daryl could be stressed out and how he settled it in just a few simple, seemingly unconcerned words was beyond him.

_ No crowds, I can definitely do without those too. Alright, I can show you me, I guess… _

_ Excellent, I can't wait… _

Laying on his couch Daryl allowed himself to think that this was going to go well, he allowed himself to imagine just how things could just go perfectly, all smooth and soft and gentle as everything had gone between the both of them for the short amount of time they'd spent talking to each other, even if only through their telephones. He decided he wouldn't let his old habits take precedence on the sheer joy he was feeling at the moment and let dark pessimistic thoughts take it away from him. Maybe he knew where he was going to take Rick after all, maybe he'd truly known for a while where he wanted to take him.

_ Me neither Rick… _

Glancing at the clock on his living-room wall he noticed he had only half an hour left to get to the restaurant and even if it wasn't more than two miles away he wanted to get there before everyone else so he stood, pocketed his phone and went for his bathroom to freshen up, changed into another of his sleeveless shirts and was on his way with another text to Rick.

_ Gotta go to work, talk to u later? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chap Friday as usual :)
> 
> tell me what you thought? please?


	6. LIVING SO CLOSE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go for chapter 6! 
> 
> thank you to the wonderful TWDObssessive for the incredible support and advice <3
> 
> Enjoy!

_ Notebook entry _

 

He was late and he didn't like it. Dixons can't be late if they want to be taken seriously. That's one of the many rules Daryl had made up for himself a long time ago, and even if now he was almost thirty he still kept it.  He had a close circle of people around him, however few, who knew him for what he was, and not for the reputation his father and brother had attached to his last name but being late still infuriated him. And today, of all days.

He parked in a rush and all but ran to the building where he had his class. Daryl leapt up the stairs to the dedicated room, knocked softly and entered when he was invited in.

“Nice of you to join us Mr Dixon,” Walsh snickered, but Daryl just ignored him, muttering a quick apology while going quickly to his seat. He had always hated to be the center of attention and would always make it so it didn't last long if he ever had to be. It made for yet another reason why he generally made sure to be early to everything he went to.

The teacher resumed his lesson, Daryl didn't hear a thing. He knew he must have blushed slightly under the thirty pairs of eyes that had looked up to him when he entered the room but somehow he hadn't felt it this time, hadn't cared much for it because the only eyes that had mattered had been Rick's. Rick who had smiled at him, his tropical sea-blues gleaming with appraisal and the simple pleasure of seeing him, and everything else around had disappeared.

Once he had ascertained Walsh wasn't looking in their direction, Daryl tore a piece of paper from his notebook, one more habit he took from Rick, and scribbled on it before passing it to him.

“ _ Sorry I'm late, got caught up at work _ ”

Rick looked up briefly, trying to concentrate on both the lesson and the note, smiled that shy smile of his and responded quickly.

“ _ No problem, you're here now ;) _ ”

The rest of the class was a blur. As usual the archer didn't find an ounce of interest in the lesson, and stopped a millisecond to wonder how in hell he was going to pass it. He soon went back to thinking over the  _ date _ he'd set for Rick though, glancing at him from time to time, and trying to remember how breathing worked when the younger man met his gaze, that same glee reappearing in his eyes whenever he’d let himself be distracted from his note-taking..

The bell rang signaling the end of the day's class and Walsh, unsurprisingly, was the first out the door with a barely audible goodbye. Daryl went to collect his things and notebook in hand, looked at Rick, waiting to see him follow to get out of there together like they had planned, when he heard the distinct sound of a vibrating phone. Rick held up a finger in a 'wait up for me’ sign and answered the call. Daryl turned around and walked a few feet away to give him some privacy but couldn't help glancing back at the other man, his curiosity peaking when he didn't hear anything. He raised an eyebrow at the sight but that was it, he turned back around and gave Rick his space.

He'd seen enough to know he was engaged in a video conversation, his phone propped up against the pencil case he had not yet put away and his hands making a series of signs Daryl didn't want to make sense of once he'd recognized the one, open-hand and thumb to the chin, that he knew meant mom. His doubts all confirmed regarding Rick, he pretended to be absorbed in the very few notes he had taken of their lesson while he waited for him to finish.

He turned again when he heard that Rick had started to put his stuff away and was apparently laughing at himself. It was the first time Daryl heard him laugh and he made one more of his mental notes regarding the younger man and what that laugh did to him, how it made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside as he studied the muffled huffs of breath and high-pitched notes of his peculiar and adorable fit of chuckles. He was now palming his face repeatedly and the archer found himself staring at him as well as advancing back towards the man unconsciously.

“What r'you laughing so hard about?” he asked curious.

Rick seemed to come back to himself and looked at him in an intense way Daryl had yet to have been confronted with, the waves of his blues crashing in Daryl's own awe-hazed skies as the wheels of his mind visibly turned at startling speed.

“I may uhm--” his voice croaked “I---” 

Daryl saw him grow frustrated by the second and really wanted to tell him how ok it was, that there was no problem but before he could say anything Rick reached back into his backpack and once again took out his notebook and a pencil and began to write rapidly on the thin paper, waving at Daryl to come and look when he was done. 

Taking the final steps that separated them Daryl peeked from above Rick's shoulder and read:

“ _ I may not have thought this through Daryl _ ” then a few more words, unreadable because crossed out multiple times, “ _ I don't normally use my voice much, one more reason I don't really do dates, I'm sorry, I'm not sure how we can do this... _ ”

When Daryl looked up from the page he felt one more of those Rick-beam kind of smiles settle on his lips and he slowly walked to the front of Rick's table, drawing the chair that went with the desk right before Rick to himself and settled on it backward, his chest to the back of the seat. They were the only ones left in the room and when Daryl finally met Rick's gaze he saw all the fear and helplessness the other man was feeling combined with confusion, when he took notice of the smile on the archer's face. 

Taking his time looking the other man in the eye, Daryl raised both his hands and slowly began speaking and signing at the same time:

“It's ok, we can talk no matter what.”

Rick's eyebrows shot up in apparent shock, his gaze going from Daryl’s hands up to his lips and back, his confusion quickly replaced by that same absolute and innocent joy the other man so often radiated. His own hands started in an uncontrolled hurry.

“You can sign?!”

Daryl's smile got even wider seeing the reaction of the man he was already so fond of, never so glad he had grown so closed to the Paytons and their sweet son.

“Yes, come on, let's go, we can talk somewhere else.”

Both men went out the door and out of the building towards the parking lot with ease, falling into step comfortably before hesitation came back to the both of them.

“Which car are we taking?” Rick signed.

“Depends, do you mind a bit of a trip, like one hour?”

“No, not at all, why?”

“Because that's how far my idea for tonight is,” Daryl signed back, the corners of his lips twitching into the barest of smiles. Now that they were face-to-face with no one else around, his usual shy self resurfaced and doubt came back to question his choice.

“Alright, we can let my car here, I don't mind, as long as you're ready to take me back later...”

“Sure” he answered, his grin full-on back.

And with that they both hopped in Daryl's truck. The archer started the engine and rolled off, leaving the university facilities behind. They drove in silence for a while until Daryl entered the highway on 85 and he heard Rick’s soft laugh again. Raising an eyebrow in question Daryl turned to meet Rick's gaze and once again had to remind himself to breathe at the sight of Rick in his car, waves flying around his head thanks to the open window, his blue eyes doing nothing to hide the man's excitement and his lips twitching with the quick laughs he was fighting back.

“What is it?” Daryl asked trying to keep an eye on the road at the same time as he was watching Rick's answer.

“I live down that very road.”

“Really ? Where ?”

“Not sure I should tell you, this is only our first date, for all I know, you could be some sort of creep.” Rick signed back winking at him. And damn if that wasn't worse than the little emoji he'd been sending him all the time, Daryl’s cheeks burned instantly.

“Mmm, maybe, but you still accepted to get into my car so, it seems to me you may be one to like the danger.” he answered and if the blush creeping up Rick's own cheeks was any clue, the younger man liked the suggestion. After a few seconds he laughed again, a short huff of breath before he answered.

“I live in Fayetteville.”

“No way!”

“It's true, the family house is there, it's been in the family for a long time, used to be my grandparents' before it was my parents',”

And one Rick-beam later, Daryl was joining in on Rick's earlier fit of laughter, relenting only when the question in Rick's eyes got so intense and focused on him that he started feeling self-conscious again and finally explained himself.

“Well Rick, we've been living thirteen miles and about eighteen minutes away from each other all our lives.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favorite chapters so far so I'm anxious to know how it comes across to other ppl! do tell do tell!
> 
> luv


	7. A DATE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And chapter 7 and a date! Finally it's happening!   
> Hope you all enjoy this! 
> 
> Thank you to TWDObssessive for all the support she's given me over the months of writing this, sincerely <3

_ Notebook entry _

 

When they arrived in Senoia it was nearing five p.m. Daryl parked the car in the minute-spot in front of  _ Olivita  _ and turned to Rick. His hands now off the wheel, he could go back to signing and he caught the sparkle as it appeared in Rick's eyes. The younger man still looked stunned by the surprise of Daryl's knowledge of the language.

“Care for a snack?”

Rick nodded his approval, glancing at the archer with that same look in his eyes.

“C'mon then.” Daryl said as he got out of the car, quickly followed by Rick.

They entered the bakery smiling at each other like the two idiots they were and Daryl did his best not to glare too hard at Rosita and Enid's curious all-teeth smiles.

“Well hello there, Darlin'!” Rosita said with her usual stoic enthusiasm, her eyes gleaming all the more when Daryl snapped back.

“Done told ya to quit it with the pet names, Rose!” 

He met Rick's startled gaze right after and shrugged as he explained.

“I used to work here, that girl is all teasing and long teeth don't let yourself be fooled.”

Rick chuckled that same all-breath and barely perceivable all-top key. That was definitely gonna join the list, a short one but still, of Daryl's favorite things in this wide world.

“Oh, Dare, now you're just being mean, give the lady a chance to make a good impression on that pretty stranger of yours,” Aaron said as he entered the shop from the back door that led to the kitchen, sending a wink their way before coming forward and reaching out a hand to the both of them.

“I'm Aaron by the way,”

When Rick only nodded, not daring to use his voice and shooting a helpless look at Daryl, the archer was suddenly reminded of what he'd forgotten to tell Rick. That's when he turned to him and signed as he spoke :

“That's ok, you can sign with them, everyone here knows the language,” an enormous grin split Daryl's face upon witnessing Rick's stupefied expression.

“True?” he signed, his eyes round and instead of answering, Daryl nodded and tilted his head forward so Rick would take the hint and look in the direction of the other three people in the room. The other girl, who was standing next to Rosita, waved at them to get Rick's attention and mimicking Daryl she signed and spoke to Rick.

“What's your name?” she asked with an encouraging smile.

“I'm Rick,” he answered slowly, visibly still shocked.

“Nice to meet you Rick, I'm Enid,” said the young girl, signing slowly too, but more out of the hesitation that came with her beginner's shyness than anything else.

“Nice to meet you all three,” the younger man answered, his smile coming back, and he turned once again towards Daryl.

“Anything in particular that you like, Rick?” the latter asked.

“Anything you recommend?” he answered winking, seemingly unembarrassed by the presence of strangers.

“Oh you can totally go with the cinnamon rolls right here, or the cupcakes, Enid does them, they're amazing,” he offered smiling brightly.

“Alright then let's go for that.” Rick signed returning the smile with one of his own, the light of his white perfect teeth flashing through Daryl like a lightning bolt, blinding him in the most delicious way.

After they said their goodbyes and Aaron made them promise to come back some time, Daryl reminded them of the opening of the Hilltop the following week and both men went back to the car. A box filled with two giant rolls and half a dozen cupcakes were carefully placed on Rick's lap.

Daryl drove them to the edges of town without another word and Rick didn't ask where they were going, his gaze lost out the window apart for the occasional glances he shot Daryl, his surprised smile still lingering in the twitching corners of his rose-colored lips. Coming near the woods, Rick followed Daryl's lead when he exited the car, waited for him as he retrieved a thick plaid blanket from the bed of the truck as well as a couple of bottles of water and sandwiches then walked through the forest for a few minutes.

They ended up in an unsuspected glade guarded on all sides by high trees, the light of the slowly descending sun filtering through the leaves in rays of orange and pink light. Even if the early October night was still warm enough, both men were glad they were well covered, one by a thick wool jacket and the other by the well-loved leather one he carried with him everywhere.

“Still think I might be some kind of creep? Because if you do, it might be too late to run, Grimes, I know every inch of these woods,” Daryl said with an awkward wink and a lopsided shy smile.

Rick just laughed and walked a few more steps into the glade, turning on himself, taking in his surroundings. Daryl set the large blanket on the ground, folding it in two so they would have a thicker place to sit on.  He looked up when he heard Rick sigh softly as he put the box of cakes on the blanket. Their gazes met and his air supply was cut off once more. Rick looked so good in this moment, cheeks flushed by the faintest of winds and excitement perhaps, Daryl wasn't sure.  Rick’s sea-blues bearing into his eyes with a new flame Daryl had yet to see and he loved it.

“This place is incredibly beautiful,” he signed, his hands going softly about making the signs, seemingly caressing the air and all the answer Daryl could manage to give him was a gentle nod and an ever-enlarging smile. The joy he felt in sharing this place went beyond his expectations. He'd felt nervous, wondering if maybe he should have chosen some fancy place in Atlanta or something, but he simply knew it wouldn't have felt right.

“So this is what you look like?”

Daryl raised an eyebrow in confusion and signed back.

“What do you mean?”

“Asked you to show me you, so, is this you?” Rick rephrased looking at him with an unwavering focus of which Daryl was certain he would have felt uncomfortable being subjected to had it been anyone else, and before he answered, he wondered one more time how this guy had managed to make him feel so at ease so quickly.

“I guess it is, yeah,” Daryl answered softly, his hands still at his sides. Rick cocked his head to the side, his right hand making a half circle to meet the extended palm of the left one smoothly in the 'repeat' sign. Daryl's brow furrowed as he thought back to that time in class when all his stuff had fallen to the floor and all his whispered apology had been met with was Rick's silence.

“You didn't hear that?” he signed and Rick just shook his head looking at the grass at his feet apparently embarrassed.  Deciding he couldn't have that, Daryl took the final steps that separated them and held out his hand for Rick to take, which, to Daryl's surprise and pleasure, he did. 

Once he had the other man's palm in his he had to take a moment to savor the warmth of it, its softness, the feel of the slender fingers wrapping around the back of his hand, the lightly calloused tip of his thumb grazing delicately at the top of his knuckles and the butterflies he felt spreading inside him, both a very new and a very familiar sensation. One more example of Rick's ability to put him at ease in everything. He had intended the gesture to be one of grounding for a startled Rick and he felt like it might be a founding moment for the both of them in the end.

A little shake of his head baring his forehead of his bangs allowed Daryl to get back to his previous train of thought. Not willing to fight the smile that spread on his face, he looked up at Rick who was still standing there, his head cocked to the side but this time he was looking back at Daryl and it was easy to see he appreciated the contact between them at least as much as Daryl. Holding his gaze and reluctantly letting go of his hand, the archer began signing as he spoke softly.

“You absolutely don't have to answer but I'd like to know, how deaf are you exactly? That's a weird way to put it, I know, but I'm sure you heard me earlier in the car, right?”

“I heard you yes,” Rick began, breathing in deeply and continuing on the exhale, searching Daryl's eyes, looking closely for every reaction his next words might prompt.

“I have mild to severe deafness, meaning that the sum of what I can't hear outweighs by far that of what I can. You, have a deep, low voice, that, I can hear, provided that you speak loud enough and that I'm not too tired to pay attention that is. Mostly can't hear women and children voices, too high or too soft so that more often than not, even my aid can't do much about it. With them I need lip reading more than with anyone else. The device helps me make sense of what is otherwise only a magma of sounds without much shape nor tangibility. But it doesn't like road traffic, and I consequently don't either, honks provoke very painful interferences”.

Rick stopped talking and one of his hand went to nervously playing with the hem of his jacket while the other, twitching and trembling softly, seeked Daryl’s again in the dark of their near-embrace. The younger man was actively worrying his bottom lip and when their hands rejoined, a small sigh escaped him. It sounded like relief, like coming home at night and finally feeling like you’re exactly where you need to be. 

Daryl had listened to everything intently, treasuring the trust it must have taken for Rick to tell him all of this. He let himself be drowned in the younger man's gaze, smiling softly, his thumb tracing gentle, soothing circles on the back of the hand he held firmly in his once more.

“Thank you, for all this,” Daryl motioned between the two of them.

A few minutes passed in silence, none of the two men moving an inch from their spots before Daryl thought of something else and had to free his palm again.

“Again, I get it if you don't want to answer, but, you can talk, I mean you know Spoken English, so this isn't something you were born with, is it?”

He honest to god hoped he wasn't crossing any invisible privacy lines, there was no way he could lose this, whatever it was, between him and Rick. He was already so attached to the other man it almost scared him. After all, they had only spent something like two hours just the two of them.

The speed at which Daryl felt himself grow incredibly fond of the other man was startling. But in this very moment, he was far from feeling anything remotely close to fear. Peace and attachment, sure, protectiveness and need too, but no fear. He waited for Rick to answer, to say anything at all really. He patiently maintained eye-contact, hoping it would help somehow.

Rick took a deep breath and just like before, began signing his response as he exhaled.

“I lost part of my hearing when I was a child, I was ten, if you want to know, due to both external and internal injuries. I don't really want to talk about that part just now,” Daryl wanted to tell him he was totally ok with that but refrained when the other man squeezed his hand gently.

“I was in a coma for two weeks, the artificial type, so I wouldn't suffer too much. I had a brain bleed and when I woke up, doctors ran some tests on me and found I had lost about fifty decibels. Told me they didn't know if it would be permanent but that they were sure I would be going through times of extreme fatigue and chronic headaches because of it, also some balance issues sometimes that have to do with the damage to the inner ear. God were they right”.

He let out one of his small breathless chuckles after that but Daryl could easily tell he wasn't amused in the slightest, it almost sounded sinister and that's when he decided he'd heard enough for now.

It was time for both of them to focus on something else so when Rick raised his hand again to keep going, the archer raised his and brushed his fingertips on the back of it, a light touch that was meant to express his gratitude. He was grateful for the trust the young man showed him, grateful for this moment together.

Rick got the message it seemed because he didn't try to say anymore and he too, looked grateful, happy to have shared that piece of his story with Daryl but exhausted from the strength it had taken from him.

One of his hands found Daryl's jaw and cupped it feather-softly, his thumb brushing gently across the hard cheekbone and the light stubble resting there before leaving Daryl’s face in a caress. The look on his face was one of sharp focus, nothing else seemed to exist anymore. Rick freed his other hand too, warm from Daryl's palm and the hunter's eyes drifted towards it as he began signing again.

“I'm going to try something now, if you think it's too soon or if you just don't want it, it's fine, I under--” but he couldn't finish, not with Daryl's strong arm circling his waist and their bodies moving closer together than they had ever been.

With his hand going back to holding on to Daryl's jaw, he pressed himself against the archer's warm body.  Daryl gasped softly when the other man's thumb traced the outline of his lips ever so slowly. 

They hadn't done much yet, and he was already overwhelmed with sensations.

Their foreheads connected, their noses brushed against one another and their lips weren't more than an inch apart. They stayed like this for a moment, relishing in the feeling of one another, so close they shared breath, before Rick made the final move.

Their mouths danced together slowly, delicately. Daryl hadn't kissed that many people before Rick and in this moment he was so glad of that, so glad to be able to feel this with him, to feel how pure it could be, to connect with another being like this.

He was sure the tingles he felt all over were that of butterfly wings kissing his body inside and out as Rick's lips caressed his own. It was chaste and at the same time it wasn't. It was gentleness and it was fire. It felt like destiny had swept them away from their respective and random paths, had sat them both into that classroom back in Atlanta and waited for them to face truth.

Truth, that's what it really felt like, a beautiful and terrible thing, a grand matter to be handled with caution and unwavering loyalty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would love to hear what you think!
> 
> Next chapter will be Present Time, so prepare the tissues I'm afraid... 
> 
> xoxo


	8. TRYING TO BREATHE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And chapter 8, the sad is here, you've been warned, just remember this is all Daryl trying to get better, and he will get there. 
> 
> All the luv!
> 
> Thank you sublime Tweedo for working on this with me <3

_Present time_

 

 

May 16th. The first lights of the morning came tickling Daryl's cheeks gently but he was already awake, had been for about three hours he thought.

The memory of both Maggie and Michonne's voices coming back to him and asking him to rest was the only reason why he didn't get up. But now that morning was here, even if just starting to show, he could leave his bed and pretend five a.m. was a normal hour to go about one's day.

So he pushed back the covers, his gaze lingering a little on the desperate emptiness on the other side of the bed, the side that used to be Rick's, that would always be Rick's. The covers there laid untouched, perfectly tucked underneath the mattress and just slightly ruffled by the archer's movements, 'habit' Daryl thought.

Trying not to let himself be overwhelmed just seconds after getting up, Daryl took a change of clothes from the closet, walked to the bathroom with a decided stance to his steps and washed up quickly.

He made himself a pot of coffee without giving it much thought, once again making it as big as he ever had in the last thirty years or so only to remember he wouldn't be able to drink it all on his own. But it was too late, the rest would just go down the sink at the end of the day, same as it had most days for over a year and a half.

He walked through the door with the same determined look on his face, only to backtrack seconds later. He entered Rick's study, forcing himself not to look around, retrieved the notebook and a pen he had left on the desk and walked back out.

Less than fifteen minutes later he was at the graveyard, back on what he had come to think of as his bench, sitting on the cool inflexible stone surface. The notebook was next to him, abandoned for a moment as Daryl once again lost himself in the sight of his husband's picture. There were others at home sure, but he didn't need any of those to see Rick back at their house. The memory of his husband was everywhere, so thick he sometimes thought he could reach out and grasp his slender frame, pull him in for the embrace he craved.

Here, outside their home's walls, where dozens of other people were resting, cold and unfeeling, Rick's picture was a welcome sight.

At home, Rick was already so present that the paper shots were just plain painful to look at. In the cemetery, being able to dive into the sea blues he knew better than his own eyes was a comfort he could never begin to understand, nor did he try too anyway.

Taking a deep breath and gazing up at the arctic shades of the early morning sky, Daryl finally managed to start talking.

“M'sorry I didn't come back faster but...ya gotta know I've been trying to be better, trying to do what Hershel told me so I can...y'know, breath a little better without ya around...”

Just a few seconds passed before Daryl found his words this time.

“Also, so sorry I didn't sign and speak the other day...don't even know if ya can hear me at all now but if ya can, m'not sure ya can hear any more than you did when ya...when ya were with me...” A single tear, just a single drop of clear transparent sea-salty water rolled down Daryl's cheek and he let it.

Ever since the beginning of their relationship Daryl had taken to speak at the same time as he signed, at first only when he addressed Rick and with time and the gradual construction of their extended family, he had even started to do it anytime he'd say something in Rick's presence. It was one of the many ways Daryl used to make sure Rick always felt included in the conversations going on around him. It didn't hurt that most people he knew at the time he met Rick, were people who had also been friends with Carol and Ezekiel so they'd had time to learn the language. That meant most people around them knew sign language to some level and even those who didn't quickly adapted.

The first few times Daryl had the opportunity to spend a longer period of time with Rick, were when he had first noticed how tired the other man got when he had to rely on lip reading and his aid too much to communicate with other people. And that was just another reason for their particular way of communicating: the decision Daryl had made, early on in their entangled lives, to save Rick from spending so much of his energy on things that were so simple to everyone else around, not if it could be avoided.

“I think I broke every speed limit coming here t'day Officer... I dunno why, s'ridiculous right? No reason to rush...” the second Daryl whispered the words, a sob escaped him, and then another.

“Thought I c...I could come here and not cry for once...guess I's just foolin' myself, huh,”

It took a long while for him to get back to a relatively calm state, for his breathing to even out, for his face to dry and for his eyes to stop burning.

“Mags came to the house yesterday night, dumbass tried to force-feed me ya believe that? You'd think she'd know better by now.” A genuine snicker left his dry throat thinking back on Maggie's eyes going wide when she’d realized her mistake. She'd been insisting on Daryl eating some of Annette's lasagna for the better part of an hour when she decided to take a forkful of it and simply shove it in the archer's mouth as he opened it to resume his protesting.

Oh he had chewed the mouthful alright, but the look on his face told Maggie all she needed to know about what was coming her way. And so he had yelled. Barked. Shouted. Raised his voice until it croaked. Cried.

Truth is, even eating was a battle for him. Be it sitting at the kitchen counter or in the dining-room, hell, even the small table that faced the couch and which had seen its fair amount of pizza and Chinese takeout throughout the years, nothing could prevent him from parting whatever he was eating in two, or start forming the words of an offer to share. There was nothing to help how he felt when he faced the empty chairs around him, the empty house. Everything just a constant reminder of Rick's absence.

He'd let her hug him as he calmed down. She had kept her cool. She always did. Maggie had taken his violent outburst for what it was, blunt, brutal pain. A giant and unrelenting monster of distress.

After a while Daryl returned the hug, pressing her against his broad chest. In her ear, he apologized for the name-calling and the harshness of his reaction altogether. He kept on whispering his remorse in the crook of her neck only to be shushed, she could take it, she knew she could and he knew it too. Both of them were certain Daryl would never have reacted so strongly with anybody else. Maggie was just the one person left on earth who knew him completely, even better than his children most likely. She was a sister, she could take whatever blow Daryl aimed her way if it meant some of the weight he was carrying left his shoulders, even if only for a moment.

“Dunno what I'd do if she wasn't around either Rick, honest to god…” a few moments passed, Daryl silently reading the inscription on Rick's stone over and over again.

“I think your momma was in on the lasagna plan, too, I recognized the cookies Mags brought with her, no way those came from the bakery.”

Daryl let his gaze wander around him for a bit. The cemetery was unsurprisingly quiet at this hour of the day, the only noise coming to disturb Daryl's words, or lack of, was that of the green leaves rustling with the wind in the trees carefully planted around the place.

His fidgeting hands eventually brushed the cover of the notebook. Looking at it and back at his husband's framed picture, the shadow of a smile made its way to one of the corners of his lips, stretching it in something only Rick would have recognized as what it was, fondness.

“I started writin' down our story Rick, started writin' down _us_ , I think it's helpin', at least a bit and maybe one day, Carl and Judy could read some of it, maybe that boy of hers could too...Think you'd have liked that...passin' on somethin' to our family, _showin'_ them us...”

Emotion started to well up again and the widower tried to concentrate on breathing deeply just like he'd do with Rick when the man got overwhelmed by too much noise, too many signals he couldn't read, too much movement around him and his aid only giving him a harder time. He tried to do as he had guided Rick to so many times, inhaling deeply, filling his lungs at their maximum through the nose before letting go of the air slowly and steadily through the mouth. After some time it worked and clutching the notebook in both hands, Daryl stood up, whispered his goodbye and got back to his car, his mind filled with memories he wanted to write down.

He got home quickly enough but instead of going into Rick's study right away he went for the back porch this time. He had spent most of the last week or so, sitting in Rick's chair, focused on writing the very beginning of their relationship in the most precise, undistorted and accurate way possible.

At the rare times he took a break from his writing, he didn't even leave the room, sometimes not even the chair, lost in thought, he'd either stare at the wall in front of him, or lose himself in the framed pictures Rick had treasured so much, set with reverence at the edge of the desk.

They were all in the left corner of the desk opposite the computer. One was the first time Rick had held Judith in his arms at the hospital. His eyes were glossy with overjoyed tears, the smile on his face bigger than ever before and the little girl, just a baby, gently set in the cradle of her daddy's arms, sleeping soundly, her small hand resting against Rick's chest.

Next to it was an almost exact replica, except this time it was Daryl and Carl on the couch at home. It had been taken right after they'd arrived from the hospital, the archer's eyes painted dark by his tiredness and puffy from the literal gallon of tears he must have shed after the nurse had put the bundle of dark hair and blue eyes in his arms.

The last one was of Rick and Daryl's wedding. It was just slightly larger than the other two and in the bottom right corner was engraved “ _Grixons are wed._ ”, compliments of Maggie and Abraham's conjoined efforts.

Daryl remembered a time when that photograph and the words accompanying it would make him laugh.

Now, the picture was one of many invitations to tear up. Seeing his husband in that tailor-made gray tuxedo, his blue tie matching the color of Daryl's bow and his arm embracing his waist snuggly, smiling at the camera with all his teeth while Daryl's head was slightly bowed, looking at his husband behind his bangs rather than at the camera, all it took was one brief glance at it, and he was a goner.

So for once, Daryl settled for sitting in the back-porch swing, letting the movement soothe him into a quiet trance, breathing softly.

He tried to do as Maggie always told him, focus on the good. The present being especially poor of that, except for the unwavering support of his family and his Judy-Jude being pregnant, he chose to dive back in the past instead and opened the notebook again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chap next Tuesday as per usual ;) and Happy times ahead...!


	9. THRESHOLD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Notebook entry- following the end of their date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9! Hope you all enjoy the feels. This is fluff, full of hope and promises. 
> 
> Thank you to my fabulous beta Tweedo as usual <3
> 
> Enjoy!

_Notebook entry_

 

The ride from Senoia to Fayetteville was quiet. The cab of the truck was filled with serenity and a spark of something else. A kiss.

Daryl had offered to take Rick home and come back the next Monday to take him to Atlanta U since they had left his car on the parking lot. An offer Rick had all but jumped on, his curls going wild with the nods he couldn't seem to stop.

His enthusiasm wasn't lost on the archer and something warm melted and flickered in his chest when he saw Rick's reflection in his left mirror. A breathtaking view made grander by Rick's obvious innocence and obliviousness, so far from knowing quite how beautiful he was.

He caught himself staring and quickly went back to watching the road, but every chance he got to look back at the other man behind his overgrown bangs, he took.

After a while a small smile crept up Rick's calm expression and Daryl knew his discreet peeps weren't so discreet in the end.

Rick raised both his hands and the hunter watched carefully.

“My mom...she'll probably be there. She works at the rural clinic but she was on the night shift last night so...but you don't have to come in, if you don't want to, I understand...you can just leave me a little way from the house it's ok...” Rick signed, at times slow, and at others, betraying his sudden nervousness, his gesturing took on a more frenzied pace.

Daryl's eyes going wide mustn't have helped either. He had not taken into account Rick's parents when he offered to take the other man home, simply too busy losing himself in the bluest eyes he'd been able to see in his life. If he was being honest, he would even say that he had completely forgotten Rick had said he lived with his parents at that point. Not that he cared, just that the whole 'meeting the family' was something that hadn't yet occurred to Daryl as something that might happen. He had never done it before, never been introduced to the family of a significant other. Never had one either. His very few dating experiences never lasting long enough nor being serious enough to even consider it.

But for a reason unknown to him, Daryl wasn't really nervous to meet Rick's parents. Not the way he thought he'd be. He was certain they were nice people seeing as Rick looked so serene, going through life distributing his bright toothy smiles, and the phone call between the younger man and his mother he'd witnessed in the distance had seemed almost playful and certainly loving. No, Daryl wasn't nervous because he thought Rick's parents might be the wrong kind of people but because they might not like him.

That's when he realized he didn't ever want to part from Rick. A small voice in his head tried to tell him to be scared, that this was too much too soon, that he'd never before felt so attached to someone, so connected in such a short amount of time. But looking back at Rick who was watching him closely and with something akin to fear in his eyes, Daryl knew that little voice wouldn't win him over, not when Rick already had.

He'd been silent for long minutes and only took notice of it when Rick started signing again.

“You ok? Please don't freak out, I told you, if you don't want to come in, it's ok,”

Shaking his head, Daryl turned just a little sideways in his seat to make sure Rick could read his lips and make sense of his voice above the engine's noise.

“I'm not sure I can just yet Rick, but what do you, want?” his voice came out hoarse with his own nervousness.

He didn't want Rick to think he was rejecting him but he was so scared of being rejected himself, so strangely unprepared to face the dismissal he'd been subjected to so many times before. He waited for Rick's reply, watching him expectantly, unsure of what his eyes told him but it seemed that what the other man found there, appeased him somehow, because he started again.

“I want to do things at your pace Daryl, but, I also want you to know my parents at some point, when you're ready...I promise you will like them,” he paused for a second and planting his gaze in the archer's eyes, signed the rest of what he wanted to say with something of a solemn and adoring glow coloring his every movement, “I know this is fast, but, I also know they will love you.”

Daryl all but blushed and let out a soft snort of disbelief but didn't say anything. He hoped Rick was right, he wanted him to be right with everything he had and owned. The thought that Rick had read through him so easily, that he had been able to grasp Daryl's uncertainty and identified the nature of it, the deeply rooted self-doubt and vulnerable anxiety and had known to address it so delicately shook him to his core.

Eventually they arrived at Rick's house, too soon if you asked either of them. Daryl killed the engine before hopping out of the truck, trotting to the other side to open Rick's door for him. Rick got out of the car with an appreciative look on his face, obviously pleased with the gesture. Both men stood by the open door, their noses touching in a tentative but growing need to kiss the other again, their bodies gravitating around one another unconsciously.

One of Daryl's hands found the curls he'd been dreaming of, the other sneaking behind him to pull him closer, holding his waist gently. Rick's hands came to frame the archer's face and everything else disappeared. They were kissing again. It was dark around them but behind closed eyelids fireworks were started. Explosions of affection, of tenderness and something more, a timid but raw desire only just starting to swell.

Their lips caressed their counterparts in shy soft movements, tongues gingerly peaking out, brushing each other before they went to dance along one another. The muscles pliant, bending and grazing lovingly.

When they finally parted, even the dimness of their surroundings couldn't conceal the flush of their cheeks nor could it hide the glint in their eyes or narrow the twin grins that had appeared on both their faces. Daryl put another quick peck on Rick's lips, blushing even harder, before reluctantly parting from his warm embrace, stepping away.

“See you Monday morning?” he signed and spoke.

But Rick didn't answer, not right away. He took the two or three steps that separated them, closed the gap once again, and ravished the hunter's lips. This time there was no questioning the nature of the kiss nor what it was meant to express. Rick took and gave, his desire and his self-consciousness, his need and determination to see this through and make them work, his acknowledgement of the rush they were both feeling and his serenity in all of it.

When they parted, breathless, their eyes were dark with promises and their smiles just that much brighter on their kiss-swollen lips.

“Monday morning, be there.” Rick signed softly before he stepped away unhurriedly, his gaze lingering. He took Daryl's hand in his one last time, his thumb stroking its back in one swift caress before he let go.

The archer got back in his truck and left, oblivious to the presence of Rick's mother who was sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch,  smiling faintly after him.

 

 

Even with all the Hilltop opening frenzy, the two days of that weekend seemed to last years to Daryl. Nothing could distract him from his anxious elation, not Maggie, not the kids, not Abraham’s uproarious laughter or Carol playfully scolding the man for his more than colorful use of the English language around her children; Rick was everywhere and the days could not pass fast enough.

He was sitting on the front set of steps of the diner, smoking a cigarette with a blissful smile he couldn't shake, his mind reeling with thoughts of new joys, of life painted in novel charms he wouldn't have suspected were in store for him a week ago.

“You seem lost in your head young man,” Ezekiel's deep voice resonated behind him with its usual good-natured tone.

“Mmm, kinda am I guess,” Daryl answered in a murmur.

“Would you like to lay it out and relate your mental adventures to me my friend?”

Daryl laughed at Ezekiel's easy grandiloquence. Watching sideways as the man sat next to him on the steps, Daryl bumped their shoulders gently.

“I'm okay, promise I'll tell ya when I wanna share them, for now I'm just happy to keep them to me for a while longer,”

Their gazes met and Daryl was once again swept off his feet by the unblemished gentleness and something of a tiger-like protectiveness in his friend's profound brown eyes.

“As long as I see that smile growing on your visage comrade, I for one, am happy.” Leaning against Daryl's shoulder for just a few seconds before getting back up, no more words needed, Ezekiel went back inside.

 

 

The amount of feelings boiling inside Daryl on this Monday morning was so great, he couldn't even start to make sense of it. The threshold of the rest of his life, that's what it felt like and looking back on it, Daryl knew it had been just that. The one morning when everything had come in order, set on fast tracks leading to happiness.

He would be opening the diner to the public for the first time that night, his professional life had never looked better. The door would unlock and people would enter _his_ restaurant, and fuck everyone who ever said he'd never do anything with his life simply because of whom his last name had once belonged to.

He was in his truck, driving smoothly across Georgia's familiar roads to Fayetteville. Going forward with something he just began to guess had the potential to be so much more. The only man to have ever been able to make his heart sway and swell, his face warm up with a simple wandering thought, his chest constrict with anticipation and eagerness, life.

This morning was full of promises and the wind seemed to be whispering in his ear 'take it and don't let go'.

The drive to Rick's was a short one.  He parked in front of the house and took his phone out of his pocket.

_Hey, m'here_

It buzzed in his hand mere seconds after, and Daryl started hesitantly.

_I'm almost ready, come in, I'll join you in a sec_

Taking a deep breath, Daryl figured nothing really bad could happen if he did enter Rick's house, right? Plus he couldn't see any car around so maybe he was alone inside, maybe...

He pushed the front door quietly, being mindful of his shoes, wishing they'd been cleaner and waited for Rick.

He looked around him. The house was warm, with that southern conviviality that instantly made you feel welcomed, filling the air and Daryl's lungs. He was standing in an open hallway, on his right, a large kitchen that smelled heavenly, and on his left, a living-room with large sofas and a coffee table with magazines neatly piled on top. In front of him was a large wooden staircase.

He was drinking in the atmosphere Rick had grown up in, with an intense and shameless interest, trying to memorize every detail, attempting to picture a younger version of the man, running around, laughing loudly like children do.

“Hello dear, you waiting on Rick?” the archer froze, Rick wasn't alone in the house after all.

He cautiously turned around, and was met by the sight of a redheaded woman, in her late fifties, if Daryl had to guess. She was smiling at him and that alone was enough for Daryl to know who she was right away. The archer could see Rick in her toothy smile directly and her eyes, just a shade darker than those of her son, didn't leave much room for doubt anyway.

Realizing he'd been staring at her for a few solid minutes, Daryl cleared his throat and hiding behind his bangs a little, he answered in his smallest voice.

“Good morning ma'am,”

“Oh none of that, call me Gemma!” she exclaimed but she pulled him into a tight embrace without giving him an opportunity to answer, not that he would have known how either.

Daryl stood there, at a loss of what to do, his natural instincts telling him to run away but at the same time, something about her had him melting just that tiny bit into the hug. It was disconcerting to say the least but then Rick finally got down the stairs from where Daryl guessed was his bedroom. Taking in the scene in front of him, he shot Daryl an apologetic look.

He approached his mother and tapped the arm that was still around Daryl's shoulders lightly. When she turned around to face him, his movements were fast and carried his reproaches as well as any yelling might have. He wore a matching expression on his face until he turned towards Daryl and it softened visibly. His lips stretching into the smile that made for most of the contents of Daryl's dreams these past few days.

“I'm sorry about her, she can never refrain from touching people,” he signed, now smiling at his mom too so she would know he wasn't entirely mad at her.

Daryl's own smile grew wider by the second and he replied in the habit he was rapidly taking of speaking at the same time as he was signing. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rick's mother raising an eyebrow in surprise.

“It's ok, I just didn't expect it, don't worry,”

He then looked back in the direction of Rick's mother and answered her previous question, still signing.

“I'm Daryl, and I was waiting on Rick indeed ma'-- I mean Gemma,”

Rick's eyes wore a focused veil Daryl would do anything to pierce and know what it meant but it was gone before he could do anything about it.

“Well, young man, I heard you're taking my son to school today, is that true? This is not an elaborate plan to skip together right?” Gemma asked Daryl in a playful manner that did little to prevent him from hearing the concerned edge to her voice. Somehow, Daryl could tell her worry had little to do with her son skipping class and he sensed it might also be connected to the look he'd caught in Rick's eyes just seconds ago. He nodded at her as he made a mental note to try and find out all this was about if, and only if, Rick wanted to share it with him.

“No skipping no, a one-way ticket to school that's all, no worries,” he tried to appease her and if the smiles on both the Grimes' faces were anything to go by, he did fine.

“Alright, I'll let you two go then I guess, but be sure to come back Daryl! We meet so few of--” she was cut off by Rick tapping her arm once again and signing a quick 'bye Mom' as he pushed Daryl outside and went straight for the archer's truck.

The doors were already unlocked but Daryl still made his way to the passenger side and opened Rick's door for him, waiting to see him all set before closing it and making his way to his own seat.

They had been driving for about two miles when Rick waved his hands in the air to catch Daryl's attention.

The archer looked at him, first, taking in his first undisturbed fill of Rick's face that morning, _so beautiful_ , then concentrating on the other man's hands.

“Sorry about that Daryl, I thought she'd still be in the shower,”

And like he'd done the last time, Daryl sat a little sideways in his seat to let Rick see his lips as he spoke, quickly freeing one hand from the wheel.

“It's okay, she seems nice,”

The archer was sure he saw Rick's eyes light up at that and he figured, Rick and his mother must be very close, they had looked that way at least.

The drive to Atlanta U was quiet, both men at times lost in thought, at others, stealing glances and thinking they weren't being obvious about it.

When they arrived Daryl had a moment of doubt, not knowing how he was supposed to act here among all those people. Was Rick out? Or would he prefer to hide? Maybe he _was_ out but that didn't mean he'd want people to know they were together...were they, together? They'd kissed sure, but they hadn't put any name on what they had, were they boyfriends or something like that?

Daryl didn't realize his hands were trembling around the steering wheel until Rick covered them with his own, leaning towards him in the process. He'd tilted his head to the side, trying to catch Daryl's attention and have him meet his gaze. The archer obliged, most certain that his eyes were an open-book to anyone who tried to read them, and since Rick had shown so much ease in doing just that so far, he wasn't surprised when he saw him smile. He wasn't surprised but he was relieved. Rick's expression was one of comfort, one meant to reassure him. Daryl freed one of his hands to ask anyway.

“How do you want to go ab--” and Rick kissed him, in a way he hadn't yet, one that spoke volumes.

His lips silently mouthing his feelings, declaring them, showing _himself_ to Daryl. When he let go of Daryl's mouth, his own traced the well-defined hard jaw of the archer, down to his neck where he placed gentle if heated kisses. The younger man brushed Daryl's ear, first with the tip of his nose then with his lips, lightly capturing the lobe between his teeth and Daryl swore he heard him say “ _No_ ” in that quiet, dry voice of his, a murmur, a ghost of a declaration. It startled him out of the tender and warm place Rick had put him in and he backed just a few inches away to look Rick in the eye.

He sank in the sea-blues, he found he didn't need oxygen as long as the waters around him were Rick's, he didn't have to try and swim, he didn't have to breathe. Rick was there to hold him steady, to give him everything he needed without Daryl ever having to even articulate his frantically wandering thoughts. Sea-blues studied his own light skies and made him melt, elements meeting as one private universe, one that was only theirs. It was too soon, way too soon to think he was in love with Rick Grimes but the wave caressed his face and heart alike and he knew he didn't care.

Love knows no rules.

Smiling faintly he followed the movements of Rick's hands.

“I have no intention of hiding, not when I love what we have this much already, not after all that I have already lost.”

Before Daryl could answer or even entertain the thought of doing so, Rick kissed him again, feverishly, squeezed his hand and got out of the car. The archer was left to navigate the foggy daze that had settled in his brain and body, watching Rick walk away from the truck and enter the main building, not without turning back around one last time for a wink full of mischief and hunger.

It's only when the door closed behind him that Daryl was hit by two thoughts, each competing for his full attention. One, Rick's ass looked incredible, perfectly round and fitting so wonderfully in the tight black jeans he was wearing.  Daryl started to think maybe the man had done it on purpose. Two, Rick's last words were invitations; into his life, his heart and maybe his past. Rick had creaked the door to his story open just enough for Daryl to pop his head in and look, _see_ him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chap, Friday or Saturday depending on how I manage my time ;-) the sad will be back, present time chapter. 
> 
> Take care!


	10. GIVING BACK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grieving is a long, tortuous path one can only tread at their own pace. That is not to say they cannot be helped by others along the way. Judith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this comes later than usual but I was out of town and extremely busy during that time so here it is. Finally. Another chapter I hope you'll like. 
> 
> Thank you again for your great beta job TWDObssessive, you're a true friend and you know this already but: I keep every single comment you put on the wip and reread at any moment of doubt. Cap, wonder Cap.

_ Present time _

 

That day was one of the bad days. Nothing could make Daryl get out of bed. It must have been about noon when Judith arrived, alone. She'd tried calling him several times, only to have the answering machine repeat the family's message over and over. Her husband knew better than to stop her from getting into her car when he saw the look in her eyes. Hershel was not one to scare easy but his wife deserved every bit of her reputation as an  _ Asskicker _ and he'd decided a long time ago that he would do anything not to be at the receiving end of Judith's anger when being stopped from doing exactly what she wanted to do. The fact that she was pregnant only reinforced that decision.

She walked straight into the bedroom, didn't stop when she saw the state her Papa was in either. She dropped her bag on the floor by the door, stepped out of her shoes and let her coat hang off the armchair in the corner. Daryl showed no sign that he had even noticed her presence.

She lowered herself on the bed with all the ease allowed by her eight-month pregnant belly. She rolled to her side to face her father. Daryl was curled up on his side, knees to his chest, his lagoon blue eyes overflowing with tears, the skin of his cheeks drenched with salty water, his hair plastered to his face with sweat.

Judith raised her hand to his cheek and brushed back a few strands of his long brown hair, tucking them behind his ear gently. Their eyes met and she kept on stroking Daryl's cheekbone lovingly, trying to soothe him as best as she could. It was a lost cause and she knew it. When he was like that, it would usually last all day, sometimes several days in a row until he exhausted himself and slept it off for hours. She was there to support him through it, to show him she was there, that he didn't have to carry this all on his own. She gave him her shoulder to cry on, her arms to fall apart in, her whole self to lean into and stay as long as he needed, as long as he wanted.

Seeing her strong-minded and robust Papa in such a condition shattered her heart.

They stayed like this for what might have been hours, they didn't know, didn't try to know either. Judith let her hands roam freely all over her father's chest and shoulders, face and hair, massaging in calming circles, rubbing her palms on the hard strained muscles until his eyes fluttered shut and Daryl fell into an uneasy sleep.

Knowing he'd wake up at any pronounced movement, his daughter stayed put, letting her eyes wander around the room, letting them water a bit too at all the memories it held.

This house had been theirs forever and this very bedroom had seen some of the most memorable moments of her family's history. Some were her happiest memories or the most founding ones, some the most heart-wrenching.

She'd taken her first steps in this room so many years ago. One morning, she'd rolled off her childhood bed and instead of falling and shouting her pain as her fathers had expected, she'd used the bars of the crib to get on her feet and toddle up to their bed. She'd pulled herself up on the bed, crawling towards them both, giggling at their grinning faces and damp cheeks.

Carl had walked in on them in the early hours of the morning when he was nine and had never forgotten to knock after that. Memory that had later become a running joke inside their small family of four.

The multiple times both Judith and her brother had been sick, they'd spent in their fathers' bedroom too, tucked between their comforting bodies and cuddled up until they healed, however long that took.

Daryl, kicking the covers away, dragged her out of her trance and she immediately put her arms back around him, clutching at his quivering waist, guiding his head to the crook of her neck and murmuring reassurances in his ear.

Her phone rang once and she let it go to voicemail. When it rang a second time though, she picked up, parting shortly from Daryl only to come back seconds later, getting back into the same position, her telephone resting precariously on her ear.

“How is he?” Maggie's voice asked softly.

“Same as usual in those moments, Mags,” Judith answered, her hand raised to pet Daryl's hair quietly.

“I'll come over and bring some food, alright?”

Judith agreed rapidly, knowing her mother-in-law needed something to do with herself on the days her best friend sank deeper than others. They hung up and the young woman tried to talk her father into eating a little.

He eventually agreed, only with short, barely perceivable nods. She was the only one to be able to get him to do anything in those moments and she knew what a privilege it was.

Mags arrived shortly and after kissing Daryl's forehead gently she went to take care of the food she'd brought.

In the meantime, Judith got the archer to sit up in the bed, both were leaning against the headboard, Daryl's head resting on his daughter's shoulder, her hand still stroking his hair. Maggie came in with the food and left as quickly as she could, not wanting to get in the way.

As Judith had expected, the hunter's strength had deserted him, the spoon he tried holding in his hand falling twice before he let her do as she'd planned. She fed him the chicken broths in small, careful spoonfuls and Daryl let her.

They spent the whole meal in silence, keeping eye-contact as long as Daryl could bear it. He felt so weak and so numb at the same time. Pain throbbing in his chest, his heart beating slowly and erratically but his mind was blank. No thought was strong enough to stay more than a few seconds, his eyes were absent, he tried to concentrate on Judy's caring gaze but it was too hard. He focused only long enough for her to be able to feed him a bit.

The only image his eyes could see was one his mind recreated. It was Rick. Everywhere he looked and even when his eyes were closed. Rick smiling at him, that small stretch on his lips when Daryl would wake him up in the morning, that big grin of his when he'd be too proud of himself after a joke or whatever prank he'd pulled on his unsuspecting husband, the shy and rouge-colored one that would make its way on his face when he was embarrassed, his gaze fleeing Daryl's compliments.

All the different shades of pink and red Daryl had seen painted across Rick's face over the years. All the times Daryl had seen what laughing did to his husband and all the times he had heard that peculiar and so charming laugh of his. The times they'd said 'I love you' and all the different ways they'd found to express it.

Daryl only registered that Judith had gotten up from the bed when she came back, carrying their favorite blanket. It used to be a poncho but seeing how much the little girl had loved it when she'd found it abandoned in the garage, Daryl had cleaned it and had decided to undo the seams so his daughter would be able to wrap herself in it comfortably. Through time, the piece of fabric printed with ethnic forms had become their bedtime story blanket, their random cuddling blanket, the sorrow blanket under which Daryl would wipe the little girl's tears when needed and even their own little hiding fort sometimes.

Looking up at her, he really saw her for the first time that day. She sat up next to him again and covered them both under the warm fabric. She placed a kiss to his temple and met his unsteady gaze.

“You feeling a little better 'Pa?” she asked in as little a voice as she could and he nodded briefly.

Boring into his daughter's beautiful eyes helped Daryl gain back a fraction of his strength.

“M'sorry Judy-Jude, m'sorry ya got to see me like that all the fucking time...” a sob escaped him and he felt even worse. He was supposed to be strong for his children, strong for his little girl. She had only one parent left, she was pregnant, preparing to become a mother and all he could do was cry all over himself, it was ridiculous, he felt _selfish_.

Taking on her Daddy's ability to read his mind, Judy seemed to know instantly what thoughts tried to settle in his head and if he recognized the look on her face alright, she didn't like it at all.

“Stop that Papa, stop that right now, Dad is gone, you have every right to fall apart, I'll always be here to glue you back together.”

She gave him one more of her hard level looks and he refrained from answering. She was  _ not  _ finished. That damn girl had grown up to be quite the woman, growing up with three men around her, protecting her and teaching her to always respect and value her opinions, her fathers being adamant on having her do exactly as she pleased and not how the world would want her to because she was born a girl. That didn't mean anything in the Grixon household and Daryl sometimes wished they'd gone a little softer on the self-affirming side of her education. Today might have been one of those times. It might, had he not been feeling so guilty of taking his grief out on her. Twenty-two was too young to lose a parent let alone take care of the remaining one as much as she did.

“Will you  _ fucking  _ stop!” she said and she signed it too for emphasis.

That had the merit of effectively stopping his train of thought. In spite of his own propensity to curse, Judith hardly ever did and the fact that she'd signed it at the same time as she said it, in this so familiar way, took her father totally by surprise. His eyebrows shot up and the corners of his lips even curved a little, the closest thing to a smile that he could manage at the moment.

“M'sorry, s'just...y'know I just get so  _ angry _ sometimes and it takes all my energy Jude...all of it...”

She pulled him into one more hug, this time crushing him against her chest, holding on for dear life, as if the harder she clutched at him, the better he'd see she was there. He returned the hug, wrapping his strong arms around her delicate shoulders, clutching back.

She'd managed to bring him back once again. She'd pulled gently and steadily to draw him back to the world of the living. Taking his hand, wiping his tears, listening to him. Judith had read her father's needs and had not let him give up. Each time, she forced him to see what was still there for him, who was still with him. She was the only one able to do so, to get her father to accept not to drown back into the sea-blues he craved so much his brain provided him with pale copies of them.

Those days were the only ones Daryl failed to go to the cemetery. Deep down he knew Rick would have absolutely hated for him to be feeling so low, so lost. Those were the days the archer couldn't help but crack, couldn't keep fighting, he needed a rest from it, if only for a moment.

First, he would find it in the release of all the tension his body had accumulated since the last time he'd broken down. His body would sweat it all out, his limbs would shake, his breathing would be uncontrollable. After that, his mind would pause, leaving nothing else but false images of Rick dancing in his head, halfway between the memory and the dream, between reality and fantasy, a mirage of sorts. That was hard to let go of. It always took Judith hours to even make him feel the world around him. Sometimes he would only notice her presence hours, even days after she'd arrived. But she stayed, she took care of him, she gave him what he needed not to lose his sanity, not to lose himself.

Keeping her Papa in her arms Judith pillowed her head on his shoulder, she once again murmured endearments and reassurances, she was there. She  _ gave back _ .

“I love you 'Pa.” she whispered, tears finally leaving her eyes and rolling down her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!   
> Next chap is a Notebook Entry so happy feels! 
> 
> Xoxo


	11. MOVING FORWARD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to that same Monday where Daryl dropped Rick off at Uni only later, after the Hilltop's grand opening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some chapter 11 lovelies!
> 
> Sorry I'm a little off the earth these days but I'll get to responding to the comments real soon. Thanks to everyone who's reading!
> 
>  
> 
> As usual, thanks a lot lot lot to the amazing TWDObssessive, luvv.

_ Notebook entry _

 

He'd done it. The Hilltop was finally open. Being successful in this almost made him feel dizzy. He wouldn't cry, he never did, but he sure as hell was feeling emotional on a level so new to him he didn't quite know what to do with it. It felt like pride. Accomplishment.

Between word-of-mouth and the expensive advertisement Daryl and the Paytons had paid for so that the opening would be a success, the diner had been packed all night long.

It had been exhausting, the rhythm of so many customers more demanding than any of them had anticipated, but with Sasha and Amy helping, the freshly hired waitresses, it had gone smoothly.

The last groups of people were finally leaving and Daryl took a moment for himself for the first time that night. Leaning against the counter with one foot propped up on the bar of a nearby stool he looked around, taking in the atmosphere of the room, the echoes of his very first clients' conversations, their laughter still fresh in his mind, the faces of his friends and employees all joyful, excited about the turn this night had taken.

A deep sigh escaped the hunter's throat and he smiled even brighter than before. The memory of Rick winking at him that morning coming back to him, and he wished the younger man was here with him. Nodding at Abraham and Sasha when they waved goodbye, he caught Maggie staring at him from across the room. He raised an eyebrow 'What?' and she tilted her head in the direction of the door before standing up.

Taking the hint, he followed her out and found himself cornered into a rib-crushing hug, a Greene's special. She let him go after a moment and looked him in the eye.

“I'm so proud of you, Squirrel,” she began, the look in her eyes daring him to confront her on the endearment. “M'so happy that this is happening, that you made it happen.”

“Thanks Mags, I am too.” he blushed a little when she hugged him again, more loosely this time but she was still close enough to feel when his telephone buzzed repeatedly in his pocket. They parted quickly, Daryl eager to look at what he knew were Rick's texts and Maggie's eyes giving away her awakened curiosity.

_ How did it go??? _

Daryl tried to hide his smile from his best friend but did a very poor job at it. She was quiet for now but he was pretty sure that wouldn't last long so he kept on reading.

_ God, why do you have such an ANCIENT phone? I wish I could call you so bad! _

_ I'm dying to know how it went, you have to tell me when you have a moment! _

Each text was separated by only a few minutes and that detail only, made him feel all the more emotional. This guy really had captured his heart already. He was so sweet and caring and fun and  _ beautiful _ . He'd let his gaze get blurry, his eyes straying far in the night and was startled out of his reverie when he felt his best friend trying to take a look at his telephone from above his shoulder and failed at it.

“Dammit Maggie, what t'hell?”

“Don't get angry honey, just wanted to check how you were doing with your  _ cowboy _ ,” she said deliberately using Merle's words to annoy him, trying to talk like him too. He was about to tell her how ridiculous that was when a more interesting thought crossed his mind.

“Gimme your phone.”

“What?” she answered, her face conveying her confusion.

“You can do those video-call thing with it right?” he said hurriedly.

“Yes I --”

“Gimme your phone Mags c'mon, I need it, don't ask questions just...please?” he tried to go for the puppy eyes she always pulled on him and not to think about how laughable a sight that must have been. It worked though, because she took her phone out of her pocket and left him on the steps without a word. A second later, the lights of the front door behind him were turned on and he smiled at her thoughtfulness.

_ Pick up ur phone Rick, I'm calling you now. _

Daryl dialed Rick's number in Maggie's mobile and turned on the video option, placing the telephone on his lap, carefully propped up against his own. It had barely started to ring when Rick's face appeared on the screen and Daryl was once again blinded by the brightest smile he'd ever seen.

Rick waved at the phone and Daryl laughed.

“This is awesome, never knew it was a thing.” he said and signed at the same time, his own lips wearing their shiniest  _ Rick-beam _ .

“Yeah it is, been doing that forever but that's not the subject here, How did it go??”

“Pretty good I think.  People looked satisfied and some even said they'd be coming back soon! Guess Bob and Carol cooking wasn't such a bad idea after all.” Daryl answered in a laugh.

Before Rick could answer, the door behind him opened once more, Daryl wiggled his fingers before pointing back at Rick  _ 'Wait a second' _ , and turned around to see his favorite boy come out of the restaurant making a beeline for the spot Daryl was sitting on at the top of the steps.

Jerry hugged his neck from behind, his small hands curling in the collar of his shirt and rested his chin on Daryl's shoulder.

Daryl kissed his temple before turning his attention back to Maggie's telephone, to Rick.

“Please meet the reason why you and I are able to speak to each other and the explanation behind all my friends' knowledge of ASL, too.” Daryl signed smiling as he leaned in Jerry's fragile embrace.

Rick's eyebrows shot up, his grin reappearing on his lips in a second as his eyes showed both his understanding and his curiosity. Jerry untangled his hands from Daryl's clothes and signed at Rick too.

“Hello, my name is Jerry, D. is my godfather. Are you D's husband?” Daryl's eyes grew impossibly wide, shocked into silence. He looked back at Rick and as if the air wasn't already rare in his lungs, the goofball was having a fit of laughter in front of his screen, small tears running down his reddened cheeks. When he came back to his senses and answered Jerry in the most serious way, Daryl's eyes were gleaming with affection.

“Hello Jerry, I am Rick and no, I am not D's husband.”

The boy was now clutching around Daryl's shoulders, hooked on the spot and he squeezed his godfather as if to offer comfort after Rick's answer and the archer couldn't help but smile at his preciousness.

“Are you deaf like me?” Jerry asked, obviously intrigued by the other man.

“Yes I am, how do you figure?” Rick answered, his signs gentle.

“You sign fast like me!” the boy answered with excited, ample gestures.

As it was going, Jerry would most certainly have liked to keep on talking but it was made impossible when Daryl heard Carol shrieking from inside the Hilltop.

“ _ DARYL DIXON, WHERE IS MY SON?” _

Daryl laughed alone, the other two looking at him with similar question mark expressions on their faces.

“Your momma is looking for ya kid.” Daryl explained, kissing his temple again before letting the boy go once he'd said his goodbyes to his 'new bestest of friends'.

The archer found Rick's eyes on the screen and latched onto them sea-blues. Even through the glass screen and in spite of the dim light on both parts of this call, Daryl felt absorbed with these eyes, or should he start facing the intimidating truth and call it enamored?

“Your godson is made out of rare material you know that?” 

Daryl smiled, the compliment going directly to his heart. “Yep,” Daryl said, “I love that boy with all I have.”

“I can tell,” Rick replied, his eyes carrying tenderness and stating how touched he was by what he'd witnessed.

“I've wanted kids for as long as I can remember,” Rick signed and at first Daryl didn't know what to say. Rick had done that fascinating thing again, caressing the air around him with delicate long hands, slender fingers expressing the younger man's thoughts with a quiet power to their movements. But then the meaning of his words actually dawned on Daryl and he stared back at Rick with surprise written all over his features.

“Really?” Daryl eloquently signed, his voice staying stuck in his throat.

He wasn't sure why Rick would choose to share this with him but he thought his heart knew if its feverish beating was anything to go by.

“Yes, never pictured a life without kids, you don't want children?”

The smile on Rick's face seemed light but the look in his eyes was focused, intense curiosity varnishing their blue in an obvious display of the younger man's interest in Daryl's next words.

“I'm not gonna say I never thought about it just...figured it wouldn't happen for me in the end so I never let myself think about it too much.”

Had he not been signing, no one would have been able to know what Daryl had just said, let alone Rick. His voice had cracked in the middle of his answer and he'd closed his eyes as he let his hands keep on for him, the words dying on his lips in a resigned murmur.

When he looked back at the screen, at Rick, he couldn't help his nervous habits from coming back, he hid behind the long bangs that hung freely on his forehead and his thumb went directly to his teeth, engaging in the decades-old routine he had to chew on its nail whenever things got a little too much to bear.

At this moment the archer was nothing but a maze of emotions, bubbles of feelings consisting of a larger range of so very distinct concerns and thoughts than he'd have deemed himself capable of. His reflex-fear of baring himself in front of someone,  _ for  _ someone, his fatalistic pattern going back years and years of self-deprecation, the grasp of what he thought was knowledge of him not being good enough for anyone to ever want something even approaching the process of building a family with him. All that was familiar. What wasn't, what really stood out of the ordinary was the faintest of hope he thought he could feel piercing his heart and lungs. A sparkle of light in the dark confines of his being.

Rick wouldn't want to humiliate him or make fun of him in anyway. Daryl might not be a very social person but reading people, that he could do, and he knew Rick was good and kind and had even taken some sort of interest in him that the archer preferred not to look at too closely, scared he'd find he'd imagined it altogether. But if Rick didn't want to do him any harm then why did he ask about children? It wasn't exactly a casual question. With a friend maybe, but not with someone you had been on a date with, right? Not with someone you'd kissed until your lips went red and swollen and hypersensitive.

All the time it took for Daryl to look back at him, Rick had spent waiting patiently for the hunter to deal with his rambling thoughts, watching him closely as he came back to the here and now, to himself and to their conversation.

“You ok?” Rick formed the signs looking straight into Daryl's eyes, straight into his soul it seemed like.

Daryl nodded. “I am yeah, never really talked about anything like that with anyone else than Mags y'know, much less a... a--” he mumbled, words too big for his mouth staying cemented to the walls of his throat once more, his hands stopping midway through the next sign. He kept his gaze on Rick's this time though and when the younger man smiled at him with an indescribable warmth, his chest relaxed somehow.

“Man? Boyfriend? That the word that scared you Daryl?”

“Mmm, that what we are?” Daryl asked in quick motions of his hands, his voice muffled once more by how awkward he felt in conversations such as this one. Except this time wasn't like any other time he'd felt this socially inept, this time he already knew the answer.

He knew they were boyfriends, and even beyond the word in itself, Daryl could already picture,  _ see _ , so much more for them.

“Yes, I do think that's what you call someone whose lips you are obsessed with, whose smile you conjure up at night to sleep better, whose hair you think would make for the nicest tangle to get your fingers lost into, whose eyes you know by heart and still can't get enough of...and when it's barely even been a week and you're already feeling this way, I believe ' _ boyfriend'  _ doesn't really come anywhere near having enough room to fit it all in, but it will do for now right?'

Daryl stared at Rick for a long moment before he nodded, slow and as steady as he could manage, his teeth gradually showing more and more of their bright light as the smile on his face grew from his usual bashful to something obscenely close to elation.

“Yep, I believe it will, Mr. Sea-Blues.” internally committing himself to let life come at him for once and do everything he could not to be swallowed by the ghosts of the past, vowing to listen to the quiet murmurs of hope, to the promises floating in whatever air he breathed where Rick was concerned and not the hushed, dead voice of bad memories, however persistent those might be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time is also a Notebook entry ;-)  
> See ya!


	12. A LONG WAY TO GO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boys in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it! 
> 
> Thank you to the wonderful Tweedo, I can't say it enough, you're every kind of awesome <3

_ Notebook entry _

 

The next two weeks saw Daryl and Rick grow inseparable. They saw each other everyday even if it was just a few minutes at a time. They ate lunch together at Atlanta U before their Management classes, they picked each other up and gave lifts to one another, alternating who would take who and on which day. Their bond grew stronger with every second passed together and surprisingly, even more powerful in all the moments they eventually had to be apart.

Coming home to his studio apartment at night, Daryl felt more alone than ever before, the silent emptiness around him deafening. Granted, Rick wasn't exactly the noisy kind but the buzz that filled his ears when he was in the younger man's presence, the purr his heart made as it pulsed his increasingly overwhelming feelings against his rib cage and all through his body, made them crawl under his skin, cloud his mind in the most delicious way, penetrate his blood to make it simmer, all these reactions were the physical manifestations of his dependency to Rick's presence.  _ And that laugh... _

Daryl couldn't seem to get enough of the aspiring cop, ever.

Seeing time pass by them, he loved the feeling of having someone looking forward to see him just as much as he wanted to see them. Someone that wasn't Mags, that is. He loved every little thing about the two of them being...what they were.

In these circumstances, Thanksgiving break had never been less welcome. Any break from college meant he no longer had a pretext to call on Rick, to pick him up in the morning.  It meant lunch in the cafeteria or nearby the university were off for at least two weeks. It meant Rick would attend family reunions of sorts and wouldn't be available.

Daryl felt like any lapse of time they spent away from one another were occasions for Rick to draw away from him. He was certain the younger man would eventually realize that they couldn't work, that Daryl wasn't good enough for him. Those thoughts would fill his mind when he was left alone for too long a time. Sometimes 'too long' could be just the twenty minutes it took him to go back home after dropping Rick at his house.

He'd try to summon images of Rick smiling at him or genuinely laughing at his poor attempts at humor, he'd try to remember what Rick had told him during that phone call the other day and that would keep his doubts at bay for a little while. But the prospect of two whole weeks apart was near unbearable and Daryl found himself almost shaking at the thought of losing Rick.

When Rick came to pick him up around eleven a.m. the Friday before the break so they could grab a bite together before unenthusiastically heading to their afternoon class, Daryl was silent, closed.

Rick looked at him from the passenger seat with questions in his eyes. Even when they took the future cop's car, it was Daryl who would drive so Rick would be free to use his hands and they could talk.

The younger man obviously knew something was off because he kept shooting worried glances in the direction of the hunter. Rick tried to draw his attention a few times, without success.

Daryl, even though he didn't respond to Rick's attempts, was hyper aware of the other man's every action. His distressed feelings overflowing from his mind and he couldn't bring himself to look at Rick. Couldn't shake the feeling that this was it, that after today they'd be over and that he should have listened to Maggie's advice not to fall too hard too quickly for the younger man. Daryl heard Rick sigh heavily next to him and he once again fought the urge to look at him, not willing to see the disappointment or worse, the indifference in Rick's sea-blue eyes.

“Daryl!”

The hunter was startled out of his rambling thoughts and not giving a care about the road anymore, which he would look back on as excessively foolish on his part, Daryl turned his full attention towards Rick, his head snapping to the side and his whole body jerking towards the younger man. It was the first time he'd heard Rick say his name, ever, and Daryl found his eyes tingling with what could have been tears had he not be so stunned. He stared at Rick with round eyes and he didn't try to stop the growing feeling in his chest, warm and caressing, from spreading. His name sounded so much better in Rick's mouth, like it was made to be pronounced by him and him only. His voice had been forceful even if a little shaky, it was raspy and low and Daryl loved it.

The smug smile that tugged at Rick's lips might have been funny, he was obviously proud of himself but Daryl was lost in his eyes again and didn't even see it. He had to remind himself to look at the road sometimes and it had really never been more difficult.

“You're listening now?” Rick went back to signing and Daryl nodded.

“What's up with you today? Did I do something wrong?” The look on Rick's face, always so much more expressive than any speaking person's ever was, was one that displayed worry. There were wrinkles on his forehead and his eyebrows were knitted together, his eyes entirely focused on Daryl, trying to read the archer as best he could.

“No! No you didn't do anything wrong, that's not it!” Daryl answered, still sitting sideways in his seat and only turning back to look at the road once he saw the lines on his boyfriend's face smoothing out a little.

“Then what is it?” Rick asked, his hands gentle, signing without imposing any pressure on Daryl, trying to put him at ease so he'd feel confident enough to answer, the look in his eyes a partnership between adoration and worry. And it worked, same as it seemed it always did and always would, that was Rick's way, soothing and not prodding, patience and warmth.

“I'm...Thanksgiving break starts after this class.” Daryl said simply and he knew right away that it wasn't enough, that Rick wouldn't understand and the archer wasn't sure if he could express his feelings the way they were. He'd never been good at any of this, the talking part of any relationship and he was certain he'd trip over his own tongue and screw things up so bad Rick would leave him even if that hadn't been his original plan.

Eventually Daryl got so lost in his trying to find the right words to express what he was feeling that the next thing he knew, Rick was waving at him to get his attention and signing again as soon as he got it.

“Take the next exit and pull over, Daryl, please.”

The hunter didn't even have to think about it, he did as he was told. Rick was right, it would be far easier to talk, as dreadful as that was for him, if he didn't have to watch the road, too.

Daryl pulled over in a rest stop area that must have seen better days but right then, he didn't pay attention to any of it, the scenery wasn't important. Rick was.

He unbuckled his seatbelt so he could face Rick completely, resting a shoulder against the backrest of his seat and diving back into the younger man's eyes, searching for reassurance, for comfort. He needed all of it, all he could get from Rick's steady and calm aura. Daryl closed his eyes for a second, took a deep, grounding breath and when he opened his eyes again he locked them with Rick's and started signing as he spoke. His voice was a mess of stuttering and dry coughs but he kept going anyway, determined not to stop until it was all out and come what may.

“I'm scared Rick, that's what 'It' is. I'm scared that this holiday is coming and it means we're gonna have to go two weeks before we see each other again, and you'll have as much time to think about what we have together and decide you don't want it no more, that you don't want  _ me _ no more. I'm scared that if I let you go for that long then you'll realize just how much better you could do and settle for finding someone else. Or worse--”

Rick had let Daryl say as much as he could bear to hear and had reached his maximum it seemed for he was now kissing Daryl senseless. He had all but jumped at the archer to take over his lips, to prevent them from saying any more of the harmful things Daryl thought about himself and couldn't have been farther from what he was feeling.

It took Daryl a moment to recover from the initial surprise and when he came back to his senses, the hunter was once again facing forward in his seat, only now Rick was straddling him, taking the words away from his mouth and mind to replace them with his own. Daryl found he liked Rick's words far better than his own, indeed. They were passionate brushes of his lips against Daryl's parted ones, gentle grazes of the younger man's tongue on the mouth he was still only starting to explore, careful but feverish nips of his teeth, too. Daryl's mind was all at once blank and sprinting in frantic bolts, going down multiple ardent roads that all led to the same thing, Rick's warmth, affection, presence, Rick's importance growing impossibly greater in his life.

When air supplies came to be too short, they parted. Both were panting and neither could take their eyes off of each other. Still out of breath, Rick leaned down towards Daryl's face once again, feather-softly licking away the traces of their passionate kissing from the hunter's lips, nuzzling lovingly at the light stubble of his boyfriend's jaw.

He eventually let go long enough to sign back, to answer Daryl's fears with his reassuring words, to settle him and make him see just how wrong he'd been to let himself think such things about himself and about Rick's interest in him.

“We have very different ways of looking at those two weeks away from college darling,” Daryl's eyebrows shot up at the endearment but it did make his heart miss a few beats before jumping back to life at twice the pace it had been at just seconds before and he let Rick go on, dying to know what he had to say.

“For me, this two-week's worth of holiday means we'll have sixteen days plus tonight to spend in each other's company when you'll be free from work. It means you and I can see each other at any given time of day and not part like we've been doing so far when the sun goes down because I have class the next day. It means I'll get to talk to you all the time, and not have to do it by writing texts under my desk while being careful because the teacher might notice and trying not to lose track of whatever lesson I might be following. It also means that you and I can go shopping so you can buy a proper telephone and we can call each other without you having to borrow Maggie's mobile.”

The last words had been said with Rick grinning like a fool but he let a few minutes pass even if Daryl could tell he wasn't finished. His gaze was getting even more intense if that was a thing. His pupils dilated just a bit, black depths so full of swirling emotions they boiled over and slowly ate the eroding sea-waters of his irises. The younger man pecked repeatedly at Daryl's lips as if gathering himself between them. When Rick backed away, his lips were swollen pink and glossy, testimony of their exchange, he licked them, slowly, and started talking again.

“You clearly don't see what you do to me, Daryl. You clearly have no idea of everything you make me feel, of  _ how  _ you make me feel. Even if we were to spend two weeks apart, I wouldn't start thinking that this,” his hand circled the air between their bodies, “isn't good or that I want anything else than you. I'd probably rather be a weeping mess from missing you too much and drive my mother crazy from talking about you all the time.”

Rick's hands went back to rest on Daryl's hips and once again, his eyes had that patient and caring glint to them. He rubbed circles on the bones that could be felt protruding from under the fabric and waited for Daryl to process everything he'd just told him and what it implied.

He waited for Daryl to grasp the foreign idea that someone would want him in this way, that someone would want him back and enough so to tell him this clearly and fearlessly. Because, as nervous as Rick had appeared before he started talking, as soon as he did, Daryl saw his features relax into the same calm he'd grown so familiar with.

Rick had laid his truth, untroubled and loving, so his boyfriend would comprehend the nature of his feelings for him.

“I think you and I can go a long way, Daryl,” Rick signed softly, one of his hands reaching back to brush the hunter's hair back from his face so he could look at him even more closely.

Daryl's voice was stuck in his throat, the muscles constricting to block the way for any intelligible speech to come out of his mouth. He looked back into Rick's burning gaze, the sea-blues, waves that would crash if fire didn't make its violence evaporate to meet on the other side of the clouds inhabiting Daryl's cerulean eyes and come out fierce but caressing.

All the archer could do then, was mouthing his question, no way he'd take his hands out of where they'd tangled themselves among Rick's perfect shiny curls, he'd obviously washed them just this morning before coming to pick up Daryl and had left them hanging unstyled like he would normally do and the archer found that Rick was even more beautiful like this.

“True?” his lips formed and the smile that stretched Rick's lips would have been answer enough but the younger man still nodded frantically.

Then they made out, a lot. Minutes morphed into hours and they kissed, losing themselves into each other's arms. Lunch was skipped as they kept going, kissing again and again, a ballet of lips and tongues and even teeth at times, soft touches and passionate caresses. They arrived late that day, according to their schedules at least because they still had enough time to sit, settle carefully at their desk and lose themselves into each other's eyes again before Walsh deigned to show up.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thx for reading! Drop me a word, a line, a thought, it's always nice to hear them xoxo


	13. A WHOLE LOTTA LOVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chap 13 it is!   
> I edited the tags, in case it's a trigger for anyone: tw: past (canon) child abuse.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy this chapter!
> 
> As usual thank you to TWDObssessive and her never-ending enthusiasm <3

_ Notebook entry _

 

That last Management class before the break had been as dull as ever and the teacher's voice was something of a distant murmur, a faint white noise in the background of Daryl's dazed up mind.

Rick's movements as he signed all those pretty words of his, a declaration really, were on repeat mode inside Daryl's head. It was all he could concentrate on, all he could see except for all the times, and really they were numerous, when he'd steal loving glances in Rick's direction.

The younger man had been as concentrated as ever, and Daryl could only understand that he of all people, would need laser focus to be able to get anything out of a class where the teacher barely ever wrote anything on the board nor showed anything at all on the projector but rather preferred to listen to his own voice as he talked. Thank god he had a very low voice, otherwise Daryl was pretty sure that this class would be just a cloud of ungraspable sounds and phonemes without a spine to make them meaningful for Rick.

When they were finally released from school, both men naturally walked side-by-side to Rick's car and Daryl hopped into the driver's seat without question. He turned towards his boyfriend with a newfound confidence and leaned towards him once the younger man was settled in his seat to kiss him briefly, a quick affectionate peck on the lips that turned just that tidbit more heated when he inched away from Rick with the man's bottom lip gently trapped between his teeth. He released the lip with a stroke of his tongue, full of desire, and backed away to his spot behind the wheel.

“We takin’ me home?” Daryl asked meeting Rick's glowing eyes as he pulled out of the parking lot.

The younger man nodded and raised his hand to answer right when Daryl was turning onto the highway. He focused on the road for a few minutes and then turned back towards Rick.

“You feeling better?” he asked a smug twitch to his lips as he signed.

A little chuckle escaped Daryl's throat, and he found he liked to see this side of Rick, liked to think he was the one who made it come out, too.

“Yeah, I do.” he answered simply and tried to keep his attention on the road for the rest of the drive, an incredibly difficult task, if you asked him. Even more difficult when ten minutes in, Rick decided to put his hand on Daryl's thigh, looking casual about it as he rubbed the muscle under his palm with deliberately long and slow strokes, kneading it with an entirely new warmth to it.

Daryl felt something stir inside him at the touch, an animal of raw desire he'd tried to keep on a tight leash and was still attempting to control, but Rick wasn't making things any easier. Not with the look in his eyes that told everything Daryl needed to know about how entirely too aware he was of his actions, and of their effects.

Grinning like a fool, Daryl let one hand drop from the wheel and caressed Rick's cheek softly before squeezing the younger man's hand where it rested on his thigh. He let his hand there, feeling Rick's against his palm and only ever moved it again when he had to change gears.

Sadly though, the drive was only ever gonna be as long as it took to get from Atlanta's outskirts to Senoia, and they were parking in front of Dale's garage before Daryl had completely managed to recognize everything their simple contact of hand-in-hand made him feel.

When he turned towards Rick, the younger man was watching him, focused and warm like he'd done so many times before and Daryl couldn't just part from him like this, get out of the car with a goodbye peck on the lips and an  _ 'I'll see you when I see you' _ . Something told him Rick didn't want that either, and the thought emboldened him.

“Wanna come up with me for a while?” he signed, his voice a whisper as the suggestion had fiery chills run down his spine.

Rick's eyes turned dark again, the same way they had in the car earlier that day and that too, had Daryl shivering under the assault of blue flames.

He tilted his head in the direction of the car door in a silent demand for Rick to follow him out as he got out of the vehicle himself. The archer's smile reached the point where his jaw hurt when he heard his boyfriend's door slammed shut, and their footsteps effortlessly fell into the same rhythm.

They took the backdoor and then the stairs, their sides brushing with each new step and Daryl's breath was caught in his throat once more, anticipation lacing his every movement.

When they arrived in front of the hunter's door, Daryl fumbled with his keys, cursing under his breath as they slipped from his now trembling fingers. He bent down to get them and quickly got back to battling with the bundle of keys, fighting even harder when Rick decided to help in his own special way.

One of his arms snaked around the hunter's waist and pulled him back just so that his back met the younger man's chest, their waists snuggly pressed together and _lower_ , too. As unexpected as that was, what got Daryl's lips to part and a small gasp escape his lungs was Rick's next move.

His boyfriend's free hand brushed the archer's hair away from the nape of his neck and his lips found the base of his skull, kissing it so softly that tremors shook his whole body. The passionate tenderness behind every last one of Rick's movements had quivers of electricity coursing through Daryl's entire frame.

When they found he just wouldn't manage to get any damn key in the lock, Rick's hand left the hunter's waist and took them from him, going for the door himself with a gentle push against Daryl's backside. It had been subtle, barely there and really only lasted a few seconds but Daryl had distinctly felt Rick's arousal and it shook him, too, allowed him to drink in his own flushed state without the tiniest trace of guilt.

They entered the main room of the studio and Daryl was determined not to let his small apartment make him feel self-conscious, not now, not when Rick was here with him for the first time. So, he closed the door by backing Rick into it and claiming his mouth, ravaging the pink lips made out of dream vapors he fantasized about all day long.

He pressed himself against Rick's body only to separate from his furnace-like body just a moment later when he felt the younger man's crotch bump into his own. Rick was unconsciously bucking his hips towards Daryl and the archer gulped loudly against his boyfriend's mouth.

Feeling him draw back from him had Rick get closer again. He approached the hunter with such hunger in his eyes that Daryl just stood there, unable to move, staring at Rick's reddened lips, warm cheeks and messed-up curls, his shirt, all wrinkled from Daryl's hand clutching at the lapels with ardor.

Rick kept walking towards him, his legs moving slow and steady through the room and up to Daryl's retreat point. He plastered himself back against Daryl and kissed him again, slow, unbearably slow while his hands went back to stroking Daryl's long locks of hair, his movements transpiring his fondness, his affection along with his desire.

Soon, the exchange went back to its heated start and just as Rick was raising his hand to undo the buttons of the archer's shirt, Daryl walked back again, out of Rick's embrace. Locking eyes with his boyfriend, eyes pleading, he raised his hands and started signing.

“We gotta stop, Rick.”

Surprise and confusion swept over Rick's features and he answered right back, question marks big in his eyes and in the arch of his eyebrows.

“What?”

“We gotta stop or I don't think I'll be able to be as gentlemanly as I want to no more,” Daryl answered, his hands nervously fidgeting through the signs, his voice a raspy murmur.

And with that, confusion vanished from Rick's eyes, quickly replaced by the blinding light of his flashing toothy smile and he signed back.

“Why?” and his lips wore the evidence of his knowing the answer to his question but he asked anyway. He obviously wanted to hear it but instead of indulging him, Daryl chose to play dumb for just a moment longer.

“Why what?” his voice was gruff, reluctance at baring himself once more that day and lingering arousal dancing a cadenced duo in his mind.

“Why do you want to stop?” Rick continued anyway, not fooled in the least.

“Mmph-- I don't want you thinking getting you in my bed is the only reason I brought you here, 'cause it ain't.”

The younger man smiled with all his teeth and Daryl could feel himself blushing, going redder by the second, warmth rapidly spreading across his face.

“But it  _ is  _ one of them?” Rick asked with the smuggest grin painting his pretty lips and face.

“ _ Rick... _ please?” Daryl's voice was only a hissing murmur, a quiet plea for his boyfriend to understand his intentions and accept them.

Taking a few steps past the spot where the archer was still standing, Rick pointed towards a screen in the back of the room.

“Your bed’s over there?” he signed simply, his lips back to their affectionate twitching and his eyes warming Daryl's chest. The hunter simply nodded, one short bounce of his head and that was it.

“We don't have to do anything, Daryl, let's just...lie down together, alright? I want to.”

Before Daryl could answer, Rick had taken the few short steps he needed to get past the screen and was sitting on the bed waiting for him, his eyes boring into Daryl's, conveying all the tenderness he had and all the love he wanted to give his boyfriend. The archer hesitantly joined him, slowly laying down on his side on the other part of the bed, one arm pillowing his head as he faced Rick.

Seeing him and those magnificent curls of his spread on his pillow and partially falling on his face was something of a vision and Daryl's heart kept on beating like he'd run a marathon, same as it had ever since Rick had put his hand on his thigh three hours ago, or was it two? He didn't know anymore.

The archer's breathing was erratic and he had trouble focusing on anything that wasn't Rick. Rick's eyes and Rick's lips, his nose and his neck, his hard jaw and the jutting collarbones peeking through his shirt, his chest, steadily moving with each breath he took in and let out. He simply didn't know where to fix his eyes, it seemed everything about the younger man was screaming for his attention and Daryl was more than willing to comply.

After a long moment of being silent and laying still, facing each other and looking into each other's eyes, Rick finally raised his hands again.

“You ok?”

“Mmm, just don't want to fuck things up by rushing into that part right away...”

Rick's hand came up to Daryl's mouth, his pointer finger pressing gently against his lips to stop him before he answered.

“S'okay, slow's fine with me, everything is, we can just explore around here for now?” the younger man said as he came nearer and let his hand go up to stroke Daryl's arms and chest slowly but with so much intent and controlled power that the archer shuddered once more.

“Can I?” Rick asked, his eyes still locked with Daryl's as his hands found the top of the archer's shirt and slightly grazed over its first buttons.

An almost imperceptible nod on Daryl's part and Rick started undoing the buttons, one by one, taking his time, pressing kisses to every new visible patch of skin, caressing them with full lips that said all Daryl needed to know about the younger man's feelings. He eventually noticed the deep blush on Daryl's cheeks and came to kiss those too. He went from one side of the archer's face to the other, kissing one cheekbone, then the other, brushing his lips over Daryl's nose, taking his bottom lip between his teeth before sucking on it delicately. He then made his way through the coarse hair he found on the square jaw of the archer and through locks and locks of brown hair to Daryl's ear.

“Beautiful” he whispered and went on to rid the hunter of his shirt, revealing the broad chest he'd been repeatedly reaching for, showing his obvious interest, since they'd first started their relationship.

Daryl let him toss his shirt in the distance and a deep sigh escaped him when Rick's hands, now free to touch him however he pleased, started to roam and wander down the valleys of his defined pecs and abs, teasing his stomach and grazing over his nipples, rubbing his shoulders and tickling fingers running down his biceps with something akin to worship in their descent.

Coming to his senses he realized Rick was still wearing his shirt and that was simply not acceptable in the least, not when he'd fantasized about the other man's chest so many times already. That's why, taking Rick's chin between his thumb and pointer finger he brought the younger man's lips to his and took on to plundering them, taking every last breath his lungs exhaled and turned them over, Rick on his back and Daryl straddling him, still kissing with everything they had.

The archer’s normally deft fingers clumsily tugged at the buttons of his boyfriend's shirt, feeling around to undo them in the dark of their sealed lips. Daryl still made quick work of getting rid of the garment and let his mouth drift down Rick's chest. He explored the zone at a leisurely pace, his hands joining in the fun to turn Rick into a panting mess.

Both of them had agreed not to go further down but that didn't mean the situation didn't arouse them to no end.

They lost themselves into each other's embrace, time might have stopped and the world ended, they would not have noticed the difference. Nothing counted anymore in this moment, except for the other, their tangled legs and their naked chests, their eyes melting into one big ocean and their naked souls. They breathed in the fumes of each other's bare, unadorned essence.

They were a mess of blended limbs. Long brown strands of hair forming knots with lighter wavy curls on a blessed pillow that cradled their amorous exchange. Arms strained from holding himself on top of Rick without crushing the younger man, Daryl froze when softly calloused hands went to rub his bare back and grazed over his scars.

At first, Rick didn't let anything transpire, but Daryl was sure the other man knew what his hands had discovered. His whole body tense and his jaw aching from the pressure he put in gritting his teeth nervously, the archer finally gathered himself long enough to look up at Rick.

His boyfriend met his jumpy eyes with a mixed expression on his face. His eyebrows were up in puzzled surprise but his eyes still arbored this affectionate calm that always seemed to settle Daryl's concerns only this time was different.

The few experiences he'd had with other guys had been rushed and most of them had also been drunk encounters, no one had ever taken the time to explore and pepper Daryl's body with kisses and gentle touches, they simply didn't care enough, or at all, to indulge in such tender ways, nor would he have let them see his back anyway.

Deeply self-conscious and shaken to his core with fear that Rick would be disgusted and not want to do anything with him ever again, Daryl bowed his head and hid in the crook of the younger man's neck, holding on for dear life. Rick's hands left Daryl's biceps were they'd been resting and came up to the archer head, massaging his skull with soothing precision until he moved again and straightened up, effectively forcing Daryl to follow and stop hiding.

His bangs, the last rampart between his edgy shyness and Rick's profound seas reading him like a book. The younger man didn't let him settle in his retreating refuge for long though.

Gently, reassuringly, slender fingers came and brushed Daryl's hair back and behind his ear, thumb once again settling on grazing a hard cheekbone and their eyes met one more time.

“You don't have to tell me anything,” Rick signed, he placed a quick barely there peck on the hunter's lips before he continued. “Just don't close down on me.”

Daryl nodded and sat up, looking into Rick's eyes with what he new to be one of his self-defense daring stares, only just betrayed by the twitching at the corner of his eyes and the grinding of his teeth. Without a word, Daryl turned on himself until he was sitting again, his back to Rick and facing the screen that hid his bed.

The sheets rustled and the bed creaked a bit, a faint sound of rusty springs and Rick's hands were touching him. Delicate palms rubbing his tense shoulders, smooth lips brushing the base of the archer's neck, hands gathering the strands of his hair and creating a messy brown bun held between ever so gentle fingers while Rick's free hand reached over to Daryl's front to caress his cheek with its back.

One hand still lovingly holding the hunter's hair, Daryl felt the other ghost over the length of his back even before the tips of timid fingers actually touched his damaged skin. They first traced what Daryl knew was the biggest scar and most certainly the ugliest thing about his body, gently passing over the whole of it, Rick's lips close behind, kissing and blowing soothing puffs of air on it. His boyfriend went from one fibrous mark to the other, at times just drawing their outlines, at others being more adventurous. His tongue swept over the once injured skin, his teeth grazed over the healed tissue and still, Rick's other hand kept holding the silky chaos of Daryl's hair, sometimes even massaged his skull through the strands and Daryl caught himself relaxing under the attention the younger man lavished on him.

After an amount of time neither of them bothered to quantify, with his head now calmly bowed to leave Rick enough room to continue his ministrations and explorations as he pleased, Daryl’s lips parted and let out his truth, the fact of his damages.

“My father's belt.” and that's all he said but he knew Rick had heard him. His voice had been stronger than he ever thought it would be when uttering those words and Rick's hands and mouth had faltered for a trembling second before he kept going as he had.

The movements of his fingers and lips saying how much that didn't change a thing between them, how Daryl should never be afraid with Rick, especially not if the reason behind his uneasiness was the actions of someone who was supposed to be there and love him and had instead chosen to inflict pain, provoke lasting damage and give such profound sorrows to someone so beautiful. The careful kisses he placed all over Daryl's back, a promise of more, a pact sealed with lips that said how much he cared and how he intended to show him how breathtaking he was to the younger man and how much he wanted to take it all away from him and just love him. As a whole.


	14. IDIOTS IN LOVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cuties lovin on each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chap 14! Have some fluff folks :-D
> 
> Thank you to the most perfect-est beta ever: TWDObsessive, all the love.

_ Notebook entry _

 

A quick text to his mother to let her know Rick wouldn't be coming home that night had Rick staying over at Daryl's. They spent hours simply cuddling with each other, playing with each other's body lightly, never letting things get too heated. Tenderness and passion intricately sewn together and lacing everyone of their movements. They didn't talk much, they didn't need to. Blue eyes drowning in blue eyes. A wind of fate seemed to blow around them once again and Daryl wondered how he got so lucky, not for the first time nor the last.

They smiled at each other through the night and didn't sleep much, too absorbed in the vision and feeling of one another to pay attention to the hours passing by them, to the changing light and the moonlight rays filtering through the blinds and only barely making it past the complicated pattern of the screen.

The obscurity of their surroundings only drew them closer to one another. Emboldened them a bit too and maybe, just maybe, around the last hours of the night before it becomes morning, hands wandered a little further to the south but only timidly and through protective barriers of clothing. Protective of what, Daryl wasn't sure when he looked back on that moment in their lives but he wouldn't have it any other way.

When they woke up in the morning, Rick was a bundle of yawning lips and messed-up curls, all pressed up against Daryl's chest, face half-hidden in the crook of his muscular neck. Their first movements were slowish and languid, kissing each other with clumsy morning mouths, eyes puffy from the lack of real sleep and grins brighter than ever once they parted long enough to notice.

Their stomachs growled in unison and they laughed.

“Mornin'” Daryl said and Rick responded with kisses getting warmer and warmer, starved for the touch of lips on lips, his hand fisting in Daryl's hair.

Eventually they parted, rose from the bed and retrieved their abandoned shirts from the floor. When Daryl turned back to Rick he noticed the pained look on his face as the younger man was scratching the ear wearing his device.

“You ok?” he asked crouching in front of where Rick had sat back down on the bed, concern painting his face and eyes.

“Mmm” was all Rick answered at first, a low pained rumble from deep down in his throat.

“I normally take it off at night” he finally signed, leaning into Daryl's hand where it rested, stroking the other side of his face soothingly.

For a moment Daryl just looked at him, feeling sorry Rick had to put up with something that was obviously uncomfortable and a bit guilty that because they'd been together, his boyfriend had not taken it off like he would usually do but then a thought crossed his mind.

“You have plans today?” he asked with a smile that brought a puzzled twitch to Rick's lips.

“No,”

“Do you want to stay with me? We can go by your house for a while if you need to but...” Daryl stopped talking when he realized he was once again starting to stress-babble and waited for his boyfriend's answer.

“I would love to,” was Rick's simple answer and Daryl's lips stretched so wide it hurt but he went on with his idea.

“And you  _ can  _ hear my voice? Even without this I mean ?” Daryl asked pointing to the transparent aid still affixed to Rick's ear.

Amusement and confusion played along in Rick's sea-blue eyes when he nodded, apparently pleased to see Daryl so lively and content with himself.

“Then you can take that off when you're with me, when it's just the two of us you don't have to put up with something that puts that kind of look on your pretty face.” Daryl stated simply, in a tone of voice that suggested he was determined to have his way and Rick let out an amused snort.

“I'm not sure...” Rick signed, frowning.

“What are you afraid of?” Daryl asked, his voice gentle, genuinely trying to understand why his boyfriend had difficulties parting from the device.

“I...I only ever take it off at home where I feel...I don't know...” the signs were hesitant, as if Rick had to think about each word before he said them and still wasn't sure they were the right ones once he did.

“So...Home because you feel safe there? Is that why, you think?” Daryl asked his signs slow and understanding, trying to convey all his fondness.

Rick nodded gingerly as though not quite sure that was it but pretty close. Daryl thought about it for a few minutes when really he already knew what he was going to suggest his boyfriend they should do.

“We can go to your house if you want, spend the day in the verandah and pretend we're outside...does that sound like something you'd like to do?” Daryl's voice was shaky, unsure in so many aspects he wondered why he offered until Rick's smile came back to create a bright breach on his face. That was the answer to every question Daryl had ever asked himself, every uncertainty, all doubts could be settled and forgotten when those plump lips stretched like they'd never stop. He knew then, he had asked the right question for once, and that put a smile of his own on the archer's face.

“Yeah” Rick said, and he actually said the word, his voice surer than it had ever sounded the few times Daryl had been given the gift of hearing it.

“Perfect, let's go then, we'll stop by the bakery for breakfast,” he winked at his still shook boyfriend and added, pointing to the transparent offender of the day with accusation in his eyes, “but, if you feel like you can, take this off, Rick, it's not doing you any good right now.”.

Rick huffed a laugh and finished getting dressed before effectively taking off the piece of blended metal and plastic. They walked out of the apartment the same way they had entered it, taking the stairs with their sides brushing all along, smiling at each other like the two lovestruck fools they were, and they knew it.

With a few more of Enid's cupcakes and fresh Greene-delivered French crepes packed in a box, both men took the road to Rick's.

When they arrived, short of ten a.m., they were greeted by the sight of Rick's mother Gemma, standing on the front porch as though she'd heard the car coming, and she probably had, seeing as the house stood proud at the end of a narrow stretch of road with nothing around for miles.

Daryl felt himself grow nervous again but a simple look at Rick making a fool of himself making funny faces in his direction and he reminded himself that this was her son right there. No way that woman could ever have a mean bone in her body when she'd raised such a lovely goofy guy.

Liberally laughing at Rick, Daryl got out of the car and same as he did when they took his car, he went to the passenger side and opened Rick's door for him before the younger man could even think of doing it himself.

Getting out of the car, Rick straightened up his clothes a bit, the box containing their bakery breakfast held fast in his hand and leaned in to kiss Daryl, not caring if his mother saw, and she obviously did. Daryl, red as a beet, followed after Rick's confident stride as he approached the house and his mother.

“Hello dear,” Gemma signed and brushed back a few of Rick's free locks of wavy greatness, the way her eyebrows arched in surprise telling them she'd noticed right away that her son was short of one attribute. She then turned to Daryl with an appreciative smile, as though she'd already put two and two together and understood the why of Rick's ear going bare that morning. She kissed his temple with more love than Daryl had ever anticipated and crushed his ribs taking him between her frail-looking arms. She whispered a 'thank you' in Daryl's ear and he answered with a short nod, quickly turning to Rick who smiled at him knowingly.

Gemma came with them to the verandah and after a few of her curious questions she seemingly couldn't refrain from asking and as many snappy signs from Rick and snorts from Daryl, she let them settle on the white wicker garden sofa, their pastries laid out in plates she'd provided on the mahogany coffee table.

For a moment, both men kept quiet, enjoying the food in silent companionship, basking in the tranquil atmosphere that surrounded them.

“You...You have a little something there.” Daryl laughed pointing to Rick's chin. The idiot was making a mess of himself eating one of the crepes. They had been filled with sugar when still hot and so it had melted and was now trickling out of both ends of the treat onto Rick's hands and apparently his chin.

The younger man laughed at himself and tried to clean himself up but the sugar was drying fast and sticky, Rick's efforts only resulting in making him even dirtier. Still laughing quietly he kissed Daryl softly on the lips, and on the cheeks, the chin, the forehead and finished his tour in his neck, effectively spreading and sharing his syrupy situation with his boyfriend.

Making quick work of putting his own breakfast back on the nearest plate Daryl pushed Rick back playfully and they went on to pretend-fight on the sofa until Rick was completely laid down on it, Daryl above him, both of them panting and giggling.

Daryl had pinned Rick's wrists on both sides of his head and after losing himself once more in the blue depth of his ocean-like orbs, he leaned down and took the two rose-colored sugar lips between his. He kissed him with all he had and only reluctantly parted from him, letting go of Rick's mouth when air really became a necessity.

“God...who are you and what have you done to me?” Daryl sighed, finally letting go of Rick's wrists to kneel down between his parted legs, gaze still locked with his boyfriend's, searching them with undisturbed focus.

Straightening up a bit, Rick propped himself up on his elbows, wild curls framing his face in the most angel-like picture and started signing before extending a hand for Daryl to shake.

“Hello, I'm Officer Grimes and I'm here on a mission to steal one Daryl Dixon's heart.”

“You big goofball,” Daryl snorted in response, taking Rick's hand between his anyway, admiring the shit-eating grin the younger man's face arbored.

“Oh, you think you're any less of a mushy talker than me, big guy?”

The last two words Rick had mouthed emphatically, not quite saying the words but Daryl was able to fill the silence with his memory of Rick's voice and his lips,  _ hell _ , his whole being ached to kiss that mouth, so he did.

He half-leaned half-jumped on Rick, pressing their bodies together, from head to toes, lips to boots in a passionate embrace. He kissed him, again and again, and again. All of it tasted so much sweeter than the sugar that still lingered in Rick's mouth. It was love. It was trust. It was a cleared path leading to happiness, together.

They spent the next two hours doing pretty much the same as they had back at Daryl's place, the archer was resting on his side, back to the sofa and Rick was still laying flat on his back, his head now comfortably set on Daryl's bulging bicep while the hunter's hand was busy playing with his hair.

“I've never...y'know, been with someone like this before.” Daryl said, his voice soft but still steady enough that he was sure Rick could hear him.

The younger man tilted his face up so he could look directly into Daryl's eyes. His expression was a mix of surprise, acceptance and contentment. Everything the archer needed, like always.

“Me neither you know...actually, it's more than that, I, have never been with  _ anyone _ , at all I mean.”

Rick's signs were sharp, determined to say what he'd probably been wanting to let out for a while and his gaze carried the same decisiveness, boring into Daryl's, waiting for his reaction.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Oh...I...Why me then?” Daryl asked, genuine curiosity and disbelief written all over his features.

Rick laughed, that short series of breathless huffs Daryl had grown so fond of.

“You really have a bad opinion of yourself, huh?” the younger man finally signed as his laughter died down.

Daryl looked away, the thumb of his free hand flying back to his mouth to bite its nail while his other hand never relented from its caressing Rick's waves.

“Stop that.” Rick said out loud and pulled at the poor digit until the archer let it fall from between his vengeful teeth.

“Kiss me, idiot.”

And Daryl did.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chap next Tuesday ;-)


	15. THE GRIMES WON'T LET YOU DIE AWAY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Present time: Gemma Grimes reminds Daryl that he's not alone in this and he, in turn, brings her the gift of The Notebook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this is late, busy RL lately...
> 
> Hope you all enjoy this and like Mama Grimes :-)
> 
> As always, huge thanks to TWDObssessive, you perfect human <3

_ Present time _

 

“That's not how it should have been...you weren't supposed to die on me...It should have been me,  _ me  _ Rick, not you...you said you'd always be there, you're not, I believed you...”

Daryl was lying besides his husband's grave, wallowing in his grief and despair.

Tears rolled down his cheeks continuously and there was nothing he could do to stop them, nothing around to help him back to a softer reality either. He cried for a long time. He didn't know what time it was when he'd arrived at the cemetery, he didn't know what time it was now. All he knew was Rick wasn't there no more, and he was cold.

  
  
  


“Wake up, darling.”

A soft voice in his ear, and gentle hands stroking his arms and back. Sweat on his forehead and down his chest. His legs so tangled up in velvety sheets they prevented him from moving as he pleased and he hadn't opened his eyes yet that it was already frustrating him.

“S'okay, calm down sweetie.”

That voice again, but far. A familiar one, too.

His eyes fluttered and as soon as morning light filtered through his lashes long enough to be registered by his optic nerve, blinding white light hit the back of his head violently.

“Tylenol, take it.”

He turned his head slowly in the direction of the voice, his vision blurry, unstable, unsure. Features danced before him and one of his hands grabbed at his own hair in a desperate attempt to steady his mind, his brain. Fingers quickly worked his own out of his unkempt mop of hair, delicate as always.

Gemma. Daryl could see now, just enough to recognize the tired features of Rick's mother or Momma as he had yielded into calling her years before. He could see now, her glossy but determined eyes, her messily bunned hair, her old jammies...her hands though, they were steady, unwaveringly trying to put together what Daryl guessed she meant to be his breakfast.

“You will eat, and you won't say a word about it.”

Her tone was firm, an order breathed in the most placating way. A Grimes' specialty Daryl was too familiar with. Looking up from where he'd been staring at Gemma's hands, Daryl met her deep blue eyes. It's like she was able to enter his broken mind, his shattered soul through the thunderous windows of his own eyes. She was reading him, thoroughly, taking in everything that composed his destroyed self in this moment, trying to take some of it away, knowing she'd fail but trying nonetheless.

She'd let go of the bowl of oatmeal she'd prepared and was back to stroking Daryl's arms, at times going up to his face and letting her fingertips rub the last of her son-in-law's tears. The fragile palms eventually landed on Daryl's tightly closed fist. That, was when he realized he was clutching onto something with all he had, willing his body to comply, he relaxed his hand enough for the silver chain holding Rick's wedding ring to slip just enough for him to see what he'd been holding and try to remember how it had gotten there.

He didn't remember coming to the Grimes' family house either for that matter. Seeing as his mind was blank of any explanation, Daryl looked back up to Gemma and her tired lips twitched in the smallest of smiles, her eyes wrinkled in the corners, quivering slightly as ripples of affection ran across her delicate features.

“You were with Rick, sweetheart, at the graveyard, sleeping in the rain. Margaret told us you weren't at the house. We came, and took you back with us.”

Daryl straightened up in spite of the throbbing pain that coursed through his every nerve as he did so. He was about to say something, to tell her they shouldn't have, that he  _ didn't wanna be no trouble _ but Gemma placed a shushing finger on his lips.

“Don't you dare tell me I should have let you there. You're my son, whatever else you tell yourself is bullshit. I lost one baby, I'm not going to let the other freeze to death in his grief. Now be a good boy for me, eat.”

  
  


A few hours later, Daryl had napped, slipped inside the bath Gemma had run for him and was now sitting on the couch next to her, his head resting on her shoulder as she ran her fingers through his hair once more. Arthur sat across from them in his favorite rocking chair, his cat, Shiva, spread out on his lap, purring slightly.

“I saw the notebook you had with you, is that the infamous one Rick talked about all the time?” Gemma asked, her voice gentle and amused even if nostalgic.

“Yeah, it is.”

“But, I thought that thing was empty, that you'd never wrote a single valid sentence in it? Wasn't that the point you tried to make back when you wanted to throw it away?”

“It used to be empty. I...Mmmph...Remember Hershel?” Daryl answered, his voice that of a child, unsure if he wanted to share his secrets with anyone but dying to talk about them with someone anyway. Might as well be these two. The two other people, beside Carl and Judith, who missed Rick in the same dire way.

“Yes, we do dear.” and this time it was Arthur who'd answered. The man hardly ever said anything anymore but when he did, it was always a show of his great interest, and that was hardly ever given to anyone else than the very close circle of family members.

“Well...Diane – the police Captain Rick worked with – she assigned him to me and the children as a psychiatric counselor. Said she considered him part of his task force and that it was standard practice for family members of any officer passing away before retirement, whatever the circumstances.” some time passed as Rick's parents took in the information and kept looking at Daryl expectantly. “He said something a year ago about how writing about stuff, about Rick or,  _ to _ Rick might help me. I've started doing that. A month ago I think.”

It took them so long to respond that Daryl wasn't sure they would anymore and allowed his mind to wander again only to be interrupted by Gemma.

“Would you..would you mind if I took a look at it?” she asked, her tone pressure-less, not imposing anything, saying in very few words how she'd like to and how she'd also totally accept if he'd rather not, like she'd always accepted him, in every way, from the very beginning. That's how, a few minutes later, Daryl was staring at her, head down, nose fifteen feet deep in the notebook, her glasses falling on her long thin nose without her ever noticing.

He saw her eyes water a bit at first and he knew she was reading his first impressions on her son. She laughed a little at times and that would for sure correspond to how Daryl made a fool of himself discovering his future husband's disability, but could also have been provoked by the numerous mentions and descriptions of Rick's natural goofiness. She smiled through the whole of it and for the first time, Daryl was sure this writing thing was going to help him heal, at least a bit and even if only for the relief it could bring to others like Gemma.

He loved this woman so much, the smile on her face brought one to his. The first one in days. It wasn't an outright grin, far from it but it was something. Something he'd started doubting he could ever make again. But this was Rick's mother and the Grimes had proved more than once that they were more than capable to shift his darkest moods into lighter, more hopeful ones.

Arthur, most certainly wanting to hide his own emotions like he so often did, like Daryl used to do when the painful things he experienced in life had still been controllable, had gone from the room the second he'd seen the slightest flash of distress pass over his wife's features. The archer could hear him in the garage and he gave two seconds to the thought of feeling sorry for the car the man was fixing at the time. Two seconds and he was back to staring right at Gemma's every reaction, taking them in and saving them for later times.

When she looked up from the pages, her eyes were so full of unadulterated love, Daryl flinched a bit, not sure he could take the incoming crushing hug. He stayed put though, and let her have her way. They looked into each other's eyes and bruised up souls for eternal minutes before he saw something change in the look she gave him.

“Do you think I could write something too? Like what comes right after that morning in the verandah?”

Her eyes were peaceful and pensive, a duo of emotions he had not seen there in a long while. Like before, there wasn't an ounce of authoritative demand in her voice, just a question, and Daryl nodded.

“Yes, Momma, go ahead.” the archer signed, not trusting his voice.


	16. MEETING, THE FIRST & ONLY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gemma Grimes' Notebook Entry, the first time Daryl stayed at the Grimes House.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 16! Thank to everyone who'd still reading this with me, it means the world :-)
> 
> Thank you to my great beta TWDObssessive for all her work and encouragement <3
> 
> Enjoy!

_ Notebook entry, Gemma _

 

Daryl literally jumped off his spot on Rick's chest and lips when Gemma signaled her presence with two loud but nonetheless gentle knocks on the wood frame of the verandah door. The look on both Rick and Daryl's faces a mix of bashfulness and exuberant joy, cheeks happily flushed and eyes glazed with layers upon layers of young love elation.

“Your father just pulled into the driveway,” she signed at Rick with a knowing smile and slightly mocking glint in her eyes before speaking her next words. “You boys might want to hand-iron these.” she pointed to both their shirts, a mess of crumpled fabric, and turned back on her heels towards the kitchen where she'd been making lunch for everyone.

When both of them joined her in the kitchen, Rick's curls were back to looking as close to tidy as they could and their clothes were at least a little more decent. She couldn't help but notice the deep crimson still painting her son's boyfriend's cheeks and felt sorry for the lad.

“Don't worry yourself this much, sweetheart, I promise Arthur is a nice man.” she tried to reassure him and had to admit she failed miserably. The only response she got was a quick fleeting pair of blue eyes meeting her own before he hid right back behind his long brown hair.

It was the first time Gemma really had the opportunity to look at the man and even though she didn't want to make him even less comfortable than he already was, she couldn't help but stare a bit, her curiosity getting the upper hand on her accommodating nature.

She could see why Rick would get hooked, no problem. That boy, she still hadn't asked anything about his age, made for something sweet to look at for sure. All hard angles and smooth skin rolling with every movement of what she sensed must have been powerful steely muscles. He looked like hard work, his forceful frame radiated strength, but that wasn't what made it obvious to her why her son would fall for the other man.

What she saw in him, the gentleness of his movements when she'd seen him sign to Rick or brush back a stray curl behind her son's ear, the softness of his low voice he seemed to always make sure was still loud enough for Rick to hear when he talked to him, the wandering, evidently more than infatuated looks he kept shooting in Rick’s direction, anchoring his shaky self in her son's light baby blue eyes...that's what made it clearer than day for Gemma.

Those two were falling in love fast and hard and she knew why. They already looked as though they completed each other in every way and that was a beautiful sight to behold. Newborn sentiments.

“Rick, offer your  _ friend _ a seat at the table, will you?” Gemma said with what she knew was an intent wink and would probably come off as goofy as the ridiculous faces Rick liked to pull at random times of the day.

They both made their way out of the kitchen and into the dining-room with one last look back from Rick that said everything he wanted without a single word. ‘ _ Don't embarrass me, be nice to him, I like him _ ’. All of which she answered with a sign of her hand that said ‘ _ ok Cap _ ’.

Arthur entered the room just as they left it and she turned her focus to her husband for a second, the man already looked properly done in by his morning at work and she peppered him with sweet kisses before whispering in his ear.

“We have a guest for lunch, Rick's guest.” she put enough emphasis on her last words that her husband's eyebrows arched in surprise and a mix of anxiousness and joy passed in his eyes.

“I'm sure you'll like him, I do, and Rick  _ does _ .” Rick's mother continued, winking again which resulted in her husband's snorting in amusement.

“Alrighty ma'am, let's see about these young men,” he said and raised his voice just enough that both of the said men turned their heads in his direction as he entered the dining room, Gemma on his heels, carrying a tray of dishes brimming over with home-cooked food. She knew how to welcome guests properly,  _ thank you very much _ .

Arthur bent a little to place a simple kiss on his son's temple, he shot a look at his messy hair and smirked when Rick rolled his eyes, then his father turned towards Daryl.

He seemed to immediately notice the shoulders hunching, the head bowing, the eyes fleeing and the knees jumping nervously where they were nested between Rick's legs. His experience of edgy children came back instantly and Gemma observed carefully as her husband shrank on himself, making his body appear smaller, his stance less likely to be considered threatening, doing everything he could to keep from triggering any of the young man's seemingly numerous alarms.

It wasn't like Daryl had shown a very forward face with her either but his attitude towards the big man that was Arthur told them both that strange older men were certainly not on Daryl's list of favorite things.

“Hello, you're Daryl right?”

Daryl's gaze was suspicious but polite, growing a little softer as he met Rick's eyes for a second.

“Yes, sir, nice to meet you.” the boy answered as he offered his surprisingly stable hand and Gemma wasn't quite sure ' _ nice _ ' was exactly a good rendering of Daryl's take on this first meeting. Arthur shook his hand without hesitation and turned towards his wife with a look that said ' _ well, I'm trying my best _ '. Gemma shrugged gently, her surprise at Daryl's change of behavior disappearing into thin air when she circled the table to get to her seat and caught a glimpse of Rick's fingers stroking the back of his boyfriend's other hand in soothing circular motions.

She then caught Rick's eyes on her and was able, as always, to read her son's every thought.  _ He's okay, that went okay. _ She nodded once and turned her attention back to the dishes in her hands.

The beginning of the meal went from awkward to quiet to funny. At first everyone just passed dishes around silently, and then everyone started eating and that's when things switched a little.

Rick huffed that laugh of his and both his parents and Daryl turned to look at him. Rick on the other hand, didn't pay any attention to his parents and just signed quickly to his boyfriend, never letting go of his eyes, looking more playful and affectionate than Gemma had ever been able to see him act around anyone before.

“You...You have a little something there.” and rather than just pointing at Daryl's chin where the chicken's sauce had dribbled, he chose to sweep the drops of sauce with his extended finger and wiped it on his own napkin, though Gemma could tell by the look in her son's eyes that, had they been just the two of them, he would have acted differently.

The blush that had yet to completely leave Daryl's face came rushing back to his cheeks, painting them three times redder but he still smiled gently at Rick and signed back.

“Stop, you tireless dork.”

He hadn't tried to hide his playful banter from them and Gemma and Arthur alike were pleasantly surprised. It looked as though even if the young man wasn't very confident about himself and was certainly quite distrustful towards new people, he trusted Rick and what they had.

That, apart from the session of loving each other with forceful swipes of tongues that she'd interrupted earlier, was the first time their  _ emotional _ bond appeared so plainly to Rick's mother and she loved the sight.

After that, Daryl had kept on scarfing down his food and everyone kept silent till the apple-pie dessert she'd baked the night before.

“So...” Arthur started and his tone faltered a bit under the pressure of Rick's gaze on him, daring him to say anything wrong. “You two met at Atlanta U, right?” Rick nodded and Daryl let out a noncommittal grunt.

Rick was about to stop his father from keeping on with his questioning when Daryl finally looked up and softly brushed his fingers on Rick's animated hands.

“S'okay,” he said and signed at the same time as he met Rick's eyes and Gemma just knew what look they were sporting in that instant, one of determination,  _ no one, not even his father, would make his boyfriend regret accepting to come here _ .

“You can ask questions Sir, I don't mind.” Daryl said, the longest sentence he'd said so far in either of Rick's parents’ presence.

Arthur nodded at him with a soft smile, giving a look in Rick's direction, his son still looking at him with threats so heavy in his eyes that they turned the normally gentle blue into a more stormy one. Raising an eyebrow at him, Arthur did as Daryl had allowed.

“So, what do you do? In life, I mean. Rick told us you only went to a handful of classes so I'm assuming you have other activities, right?”

Gemma smiled at her husband's attempt to sound laid-back and finally just babbling his question. It appeared the question was a good one though, because Daryl sat a bit straighter in his chair and began signing and saying his answer with an almost-there smile, a shadow of confidence.

“I have a restaurant, opened it less than two weeks ago actually. The classes are a management training certificate, what I can't attend, I get to do at home. That's what I do.”

Rick was smiling like a fool, proud as a peacock of his boyfriend's achievement and from her spot at the table, Gemma saw Daryl's own smile grow incredibly warmer when he looked back at her son.

“That is amazing!” Arthur exclaimed and frowned when he saw Daryl flinch a little “Sorry...Mmm...What type of food are you serving? Where is it by the way?”

“It's just a regular diner so a lot of different things y'know, and it's on Main Street, Senoia.”

“Very nice indeed, maybe one day we'll come, if you'll have us, that is.” Arthur said in a lower voice than he'd previously been using and Gemma could tell Daryl was grateful and consequently, Rick was pleased.

The young man even let out a snort when Rick's father winked in their direction as he shoved a forkful of pie in his mouth.

The rest of the meal was uneventful and Arthur soon went back to work. The three of them that were left cleared the table and when Rick went to the verandah to grab what remained of their long forgotten breakfast and Daryl was left alone with Gemma in the kitchen, the woman took the opportunity to say something.

“You know, Daryl, you're the first person, friend or more, that Rick has ever felt confident enough about to bring here in almost fifteen years. Just thought you'd like to know.”

The young man didn't say anything at first but his small smile was one of disbelief, interest with a hint of pride, then he snorted a little and met her gaze.

“No pressure.” he huffed and Gemma could only laugh.

“What are you two laughing about?”

“We're speaking ill of you behind your back,  _ Officer _ .” Daryl answered, signing and speaking, giving Rick a wink of his own before dodging the playful smack Rick aimed at his shoulder.

“Also, your mother was offering to show me one of the family albums, apparently it's a tr--” Daryl kept going, but he was interrupted by Rick exclaiming, and  _ loudly  _ so.

“Don't you dare!”

The expression on his face was priceless to say the least, displaying alarm as well as amusement but also surprise at his own urge to actually speak the words, one of his hand now plastered on his mouth.

Gemma was sure her own face showcased the vast array of feelings she experienced in this moment. She couldn't seem to remember the last time Rick had used his voice in the presence of anyone that wasn't either herself or Arthur and to hear it now, was a gift for the mother she was.

To know that Rick felt, even unconsciously, secure enough in front of this young man was validation enough for her and the immense grin that appeared on her face didn't fade until the next morning, it seemed.

The rest of the afternoon, both men spent up in Rick's room and did whatever they felt like, Gemma only coming to check on them every once in a while. When the clock read eight p.m. and they still hadn't come back down, Rick's mother tip-toed upstairs and opened the door as quietly as she could after her soft knocks went unanswered.

Her eyes fell on the sweetest sight and her heart melted a bit. Both of them were lying on Rick's bed, Rick tucked under the covers, his chest steadily heaving up and down in sleep, face in the crook of his boyfriend's neck.

Daryl cracked open one of his eyes and the hand that had been resting in Rick's curls went up to his mouth in a ' _ shhh _ ', a small smile dancing in the corners of his lips.

Gemma closed the door behind her and went to fetch those photo albums Daryl had playfully mentioned earlier, deciding to dive back into her old pictures and memories of a younger version of her son that night. She had a good feeling about all this.


	17. GET SHIT OFF YOUR CAVED IN CHEST

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Present Time, Maggie being the good friend we all need and a lot of mixed feelings, as per usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 17 and I'm late and I'm really sorry, I can't promise it won't happen again as the end of this year is going to be really busy but I'll do my best to stay on schedule. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this one!
> 
> As always, I want to take a little moment to thank my dear beta TWDObssessive without whom this fic would probably still be stuck at the first five chapters. ;) thank you dear <3

_ Present time _

 

Saturday morning, it was eight a.m. and for once Daryl had still been sleeping rather soundly. As soundly as he ever managed anymore at least. It would have made for a good rest and he would take those whenever his mind and heart let him have any, it served him right on the days he was at his lowest. But no, no doing as you please today, Daryl. Maggie entered his bedroom like it were hers, pulled up the blinds and shook him not so lightly awake. Which was totally useless and she knew it. He'd woken up the second his front door had so much as been touched. Light sleeper.

Half-an-hour later Daryl was in the kitchen drinking coffee and trying to be pleased that for once the full pot would actually be drunk by someone else rather than his sink but the woman wouldn't stop bitching. Not looking up at her once, he drank his cup, slow and steady and tried to make peace with the fact that he wouldn't be left alone today. Easier said than done. Maggie tended to overdo things that were dear to her heart or that she'd simply put her mind up to. This morning had both on her agenda and he was far from seeing the end of it. He could already feel the headache creeping at his temples as he eventually met her gaze.

“C'mon, Daryl, seriously. We're  _ not _ going to be late for this, so put on your damn boots and let's go.”

“Wow, calm the fuck down, Mags. I already don't see how in the hell this thing could possibly help me so tone it down a notch, will ya?”

Despite Daryl's gruffness, Maggie got her way and they were both in her car just a few minutes later, her best friend looking stubbornly out the window and poking at the loose threads of the door lining, the whole time.

She'd resolved to take him to one of those grief-circle meetings at the church that Father Gabriel let her father host and hadn't taken no for an answer, nor had he expected she would.  _ Damn girl was more strong-willed than a freaking cow _ .

Daryl couldn't possibly see how offloading your shit on complete strangers would be of any help. He'd never liked people, never liked talking with folks he didn't know and that wasn't likely to ever change. But he  _ liked _ his best friend, at least for the time being, so he'd indulge her so she wouldn't sulk in a corner of his living-room for a month while unrelentingly shooting dark looks in his direction.

The church was only about ten minutes away from his house taking the main roads, so he didn't really have time to think farther than his well-set prejudices before following Maggie inside, whispering in her ear one last time before nodding at Hershel above the other participants.

“Better not be one of those meetings where everyone is greeted by the whole group when they say their shit like it is at the AAs.”

Maggie's only answer was a heartfelt soundalike of Daryl's amused snorts and then she pushed him gently towards the awaiting seats that her father had saved them.

They sat down in the screeching blue plastic chairs of the church and waited for a few more people to come in to start the meeting.

Everyone took turns introducing themselves and saying why they were there and if this was their first time coming or not.

Daryl learned about an old woman who'd lost her husband a few weeks ago and was coming for the first time to feel less alone in her grief. He listened to another telling everybody that her sister had died from a lung infection and had gone from perfectly healthy to dead in a matter of days, then to a man who cried through the tale of his mother's death and another woman named Jessie, whose husband had been killed after he resisted the police and tried to point guns at the officers trying to save her from the abusive jackass he'd been.

Daryl didn't react much to the stories of the others, he barely registered the old lady might be a bit touching but he felt numb to the pain of strangers, Rick had been the naturally compassionate one. What he did feel was a faint flare of anger when he heard about the asshole who'd pointed a gun at Rick's former coworkers, that got an almost-there snarl to his lips, not enough energy left in the archer's body to let it form properly though. All in all, he was mostly bored.

He was startled out of his near-nap by Maggie squeezing his hand gently.

“You're up, Dare.”

He nodded and looked around him once more, letting his eyes roam around the room before he fixed his gaze on Hershel's.

“I'm Daryl, my...Rick...my husband's gone. It's my first time being  _ dragged _ here by this persistent lady right there.”

Maggie huffed a little, annoyed sure, but amused, too. Then, she introduced herself and Daryl zoned out again.

The woman who'd lost her sister told them all about how she felt like she'd lost her best friend in life, to which the old lady responded she felt the same, that she and her husband had actually been friends for quite a while before either of them had dared to take things to the next level.

Daryl listened from afar, lost in his own past but it seemed the Greenes were on a mission today not to let him be and Hershel all but called out to the archer to include him in the conversation.

“What about you, Daryl? Were you and Rick friends for a long time before anything romantic happened between the two of you?”

Daryl's first reaction was to snort in annoyance, the man knew the answer to his question, knew everything about the beginning and the rest of their story but since he wouldn't let go and the widower could practically feel his best friend glaring daggers at the side of his face, he cleared his throat and answered nonetheless,  _ with words  _ this time.

“No, the whole friends-before-stuff thing never  _ took place _ between Rick and I, no.”

“So what, you just looked at him and decided you were lovestruck and went for forever and ever together?” the old lady replied, sarcasm as present in the tone of her voice as her curiosity.

“Well, ma'am, ya got that right, for the most part at least. What ya didn't get is I didn't decide nothing. Rick  _ happened _ to me. I didn't  _ decide _ to love him and I sure as hell didn't  _ decide _ to feel like shit now that he ain't there no more to have me all  _ lovestruck  _ and baffled by my luck of having him.  There are even days when I think that man was an angel who came down for a second of his life that lasted thirty-four years of mine. I didn't  _ choose _ , I didn't  _ decide _ any of this.”

When Daryl stopped talking, everyone around him was silent, unmoving, looking at him with round eyes and Maggie was clutching his hand tighter than what he'd have accepted had he not been on the verge of letting his emotions get the better of him, if that wasn't already the case. He hadn't expected to ramble on like this in front of these people he'd never even so much as seen before that morning. He never talked so much. Never.

The rest of the meeting was a blur. Hershel didn't ask him any more questions nor did Maggie push him to participate further and he let himself be swallowed back by the maze of distant images his brain supplied as memories. When it was over he followed his best friend out and back to the car, autopilot taking over the control of his body.

She turned on the radio and the song that filled the car had a tear rolling down Daryl's cheek instantly before he turned towards Maggie and a fit of laughter took him.

“Really, Mags?  _ My Immortal _ ?” and he went on laughing almost hysterically.

She let him, even joined him at times. This seemed somewhat cathartic, the song filling the car and Daryl's loud laugh mixing with the voice of the singer. It'd been a long while since she'd last seen him laugh, even in this way.

Silence came back as soon as the last notes of the song died away into nothingness and Daryl looked back out the window. His mind was making jumps in time and space once more, not managing to stop on one moment or place until it did and he lost himself in it.

He didn't say anything else until tens of minutes later. They were sitting on the couch back at the house and the archer was smiling faintly.

“You know that dork actually used to call  _ me _ 'angel'?”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who don't know the song, it's in the playlist I've made, My Immortal, by Evanescence. The link: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLd7uRYmAdMhn8JM5IqkRuVyFh_mKAgf-F
> 
> Next chapter should be on Friday!   
> Stay tuned for the upcoming Secret Santa gifts! The fanwork created will be added to the collection until the 1st of January when the names of the artists/writers will be revealed to the recipients of the works!


	18. A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A surprise visit from Rick and things go smoothly from there...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to TWDObssessive for her perfect work of cheerleading and grammar policing on this story! <3
> 
> ENJOY :)

_ Notebook entry _

__

Daryl had been working like crazy at the restaurant on those first days of Thanksgiving break and hadn't been able to see Rick nearly as much as he wanted, or  _ needed _ to since that Sunday morning when he'd left his boyfriend's house.

He was knee and elbow deep in the clean-up of the mid-day rush and trying to wrap it up as efficiently as possible but he was still new to this game, to all that having a restaurant entailed. He was sweating like crazy scrubbing the floor and counters and the professional dishwasher letting out burning steam wasn't helping any. He felt dirty and sore but mostly content with how things were going. Carol and Ezekiel seemed to agree with him as he eyed the happy couple taking care of tidying the main room.

He'd probably go faster if his mind was actually on the task at hand. Only this proved difficult when images of a half-awake Rick in pajama bottoms and disheveled curls came back to obscure his immediate vision all the time.

He didn't mind it much, though. That had been quite a sight. That and the kiss goodbye which had set the umpteenth release of butterflies in his already crowded stomach. Love felt good. Rick's morning wood did, too.  _ Shit. _

Daryl stumbled on a stray mop left on the slippery tiles just as someone had entered the room.  _ Way to look in charge man. _

A light knock on the door had him turning from his task. He'd heard the footsteps, he knew someone was there and anyone from the restaurant would've just entered or called him- it wasn't anyone from the restaurant.

“Hi there” the younger man signed as soon as he had the archer's attention.

Daryl didn't answer. He didn't care what he looked like or had felt like a second ago. He didn't care about anything anymore. Rick was there with that bright, somehow bashful smile of his, an appreciative glint to his eyes and looking ever so delicious. Daryl took the steps separating them in very few, very long and hurried strides and smashed their lips together. His sweaty arms made their way behind the other man and pulled him even closer, melting bodies together.

“GET A ROOM!” they both heard Carol holler from the counter and broke their kiss laughing, eyes locked, gleaming with oh so many thoughts and promises, diving deeper and deeper with a passion none can describe nor qualify without betraying its purity.

“Let us be serious for an instant my friends, you're making me look bad here!” Ezekiel signed once he'd put the tray he was carrying down on the countertop, the loud clang catching both their attentions.

“Up to ya to step up your game, Drama King” Daryl replied with a wink before he turned back to Rick.

“Do you still have a lot to do?” the younger man signed, a smile pulling at the corners of his rose lips.

“Almost done actually, if you can quit makin' me trip over damn mops, that is.”

Rick laughed his breathy laugh, eyes wrinkling in their corners and lips curling so prettily that Daryl had to take a deep steadying breath before stepping away. His brain was melting, he was pretty sure his heart was en route to require more space than humanly possible in his ribcage and he could feel his whole body reacting to Rick's presence more strongly than was suitable for any workplace, let alone one you own.

His gaze lingered a bit as he backed away and he offered the younger man a bashful smile when Rick winked at him as he licked his lips.  _ The end of me, that's what he is,  _ Daryl thought, trying to hide the blush he felt painting his entire face. He went back to scrubbing the tiles and taking care of the dishwasher which had stopped running some time after Rick had arrived.

The younger man cleared his throat a few times and Daryl watched his signs out of the corner of his eye, not stopping what he was doing for he didn't know if he could go back to it otherwise.

“I came here thinking about engaging in a--”

“What, I didn't catch the last word? Was it a compound word?”

Rick smiled with all his teeth, apparently very happy to have caught the complete attention of his boyfriend and he licked his lips again, his eyes raking over Daryl's body in a not-so-discreet way, before he cared to explain himself.

“Yes, it is, actually. It's made out of the two following words.”

As both his bent hands tapped his shoulders and then turned outward, Daryl understood the first sign and his brow furrowed in confusion only to have his eyebrows disappearing between his bangs in amused surprise. The second sign had Rick's left pointer and middle finger getting a hold of his raised right pointer before pulling.

“ANGEL and KIDNAP, you're kidding me? What does that make your compound like...ANGELNAPPING?” Daryl asked chuckling as he said the last word and fingerspelled it.

Rick simply nodded. Then, he moved forward, leaving his post by the door to back Daryl against the oversized oven and capturing his lips again. This time was slow but had lost nothing of their previous kisses' fire. Tongues languidly danced with one another in forceful tender strokes, hands found well-loved strands of hair and hard  _ bones _ .

“Call it a day?” Rick murmured in Daryl's ear making him shiver from head-to-toe.

“ _ Rick _ ... I'm so filthy...”

The only answer Rick gave him was a low, appreciative rumble deep in his chest and a playful but nonetheless efficient squeeze. His eyes were dark and Daryl knew what would happen once they passed the door. It was written all over Rick and he suddenly found he didn't want to wait anymore either, didn't know why he'd wanted to, to begin with.

“Alright let me just--”

“Yeah yeah, Goodbye you two, JUST GO DARYL!”

“SHUT UP CAROL!” Daryl shouted back, but they did, go, that is.

In a matter of seconds they were both in Daryl's car and he was driving much too fast but didn't care anymore. Urgency was in his every movement and the looks Rick was giving him radiated with pure desire, essential love and need,  _ gosh _ so much need, irresistible.

They got out of the car in sync, walking so fast both of them stumbled and staggered and nearly tripped and fell in the stairs. This time around Rick took the keys out of Daryl's hands the second the archer pulled them out of his pocket. The door was unlocked, opened and closed back in a fast but not so smooth way. Their lips hungry for each other as their bodies collided awkwardly.

Daryl took control of it eventually, demanding Rick's lips open for his tongue, requesting Rick's tongue to move along his, claiming his mouth with gentle fervor. He guided his boyfriend to his bed, getting rid of his jacket on the way, their boots were kicked off somewhere between all this as well.

The hunter pushed Rick on the bed and as passionate and urgent as he'd felt all along since Rick had set foot in his kitchen earlier, seeing the younger man on his bed halted his need for fast and hard.

That was not the way he wanted this to go. He had imagined every single scenario and he knew, he just knew the only way it'd feel right was if he took the time to have this moment engraved in the stone of his mind, written in the cloud his floating heart felt like.

Rick was looking at him, eyes wondering why Daryl had relented, displaying concern and need, all lips twitching in an indecisive smile and eyebrows raising a little in an unspoken question.

The archer didn't want to leave him wondering too long but he needed a moment to collect himself, to calm his rushing feelings, all the blood that was moving around his body made him feel dizzy. He also needed to simply admire the view, Rick laying on his back across his bed and waiting for him.

The younger man seemed to sense the shift in Daryl's line of thinking because his brow went back to normal and his eyes filled back with lust, only now, a greater part of his gaze was left to the overwhelming tenderness he felt for the archer.

“C'mere, angel.”

A new surge of blood went down Daryl's body to settle in his loins as he heard Rick's voice. The words were simple and the endearment dorky as hell, only that voice made his heart beat faster than it had ever done with or for anyone else and instead of brushing it all back with a snort and a snarky come-back, Daryl blushed. Crimson.

Rick sat up on the bed and pulled at Daryl's belt loops, nuzzling his face in his boyfriend's navel, thumbs massaging his hips tenderly.

He got up again while Daryl fought to get a grip and not ravish Rick right away.

They kissed again and the younger man broke the contact as he signed.

“We're going to undress now.”

And that seemed to do it for Daryl. His hands found the buttons of Rick's shirt and undid them as fast as he could, slid the fabric off his boyfriend's back before taking care of his belt, pants following quickly.

Daryl was getting down to keep on undressing Rick but the younger man shook his head fervently, tugging at Daryl's clothes instead.

“You're gonna want to get rid of those socks, Rick, I can't make love to you with your socks on, no way.”

Rick's eyes got bigger somehow, his gaze filling with surprise before he kissed Daryl with all he had. The archer didn't respond much at first. The words had left his mouth very naturally, nothing really worth noticing until playful banter became put your foot in your mouth and pronounce words that haven't been said yet,  _ dumbass _ .

Only, Rick didn't seem to see it this way. Not with how he was kissing Daryl. Not with how his arms had snaked back around his waist with his hands rubbing tensing shoulders, palming shoulder blades, caressing sides, cupping his ass and bucking hips to meet him.

“Make love to me, Daryl.” again, a whisper in Daryl's ear, a gentle sigh giving him permission for everything, keys to his body and heart, keys to a relationship in which Daryl wouldn't have to be scared to open himself, to lay down his insecurities and let go of them, keys to support and stronger feelings than what words are made to hold.

Daryl lifted Rick in his arms bridal style and put him back down on the bed. He then got to his boyfriend's feet and took the offending socks off, too. He undid the buttons of his own shirt and got rid of it, bending a little to shed his socks as well.

“Those, too, please, I want to  _ see _ you.” Rick signed, pointing towards Daryl's jeans.

“Oh, you'll see me alright but for now, let me do as I  _ please _ .” Daryl replied as he made his way to the top of the bed and leaned over Rick's head, pecking on his lover's lips repeatedly as one of his hands made its way through Rick's curls and to his ear, brushing over his aid as softly as he possibly could.

“Take it off?” Daryl's voice was quivering a little, still unsure of how secure Rick felt around him and if that was enough for him to lower his guard to the point of letting go of the device.

The younger man didn't give him too much time to get lost into the question though, a hand came up to Daryl's cheek, stroking with shaky, delicate passion before prying the archer's hand away from his ear and effectively taking the hearing device off his ear and putting it onto the nightstand.

Sea-blues and matching tropical lagoons tangled their currents once more, Daryl's next movements were smoother than any he'd made that day, his body sliding above Rick's as he held himself over his boyfriend on strong, muscled arms.

With a gentle push of his knee, Daryl encouraged Rick to part his legs and as he did, the hunter slid between them, their obvious arousals meeting again on less urgent waters.

“I'm gonna love you so good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger, sorry (or not haha)!
> 
> Next chap on Tuesday but I'll try and post a little something during the weekend as well, probably a Sherle something so if you're into that, stay tuned! :)


	19. GOTTA SIMMER TO BOIL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The surprise visit continues, Angels at work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And 19, and the end of the 'cliffhanger', I hope the wait was worth it!
> 
> Chapter beta'd by none other than the lovely TWDObsessive, thank you!!!
> 
> Enjoy!

_ Notebook entry _

 

“ _ I'm gonna love you so good.” _

 

A needy pant escaped Rick's throat hearing these words and Daryl breathed it in. Leaning back on his heels between Rick's legs, he let mouth and hands truly explore the body of his boyfriend for the first time with unrestrained pleasure and desire to give it back.

He breathed in the scent of Rick's neck and wondered why bother buy cologne when you could bathe in the smell of serene passion, of freshly baked cookies and fiery gentleness, in subtle and loving fragrances.

He left a wet trail down the length of the strained muscles of Rick's neck, licking his way down collar bones and mouthing between Rick's pecs, tongue dancing on his sternum before tracing around a nipple. He lapped a forceful stroke on the nub, rejoicing in the feel of it getting harder and harder as Rick's breathing hitched. He took the nipple between his teeth and tugged delicately, grinning when he heard the gasp it earned him. Daryl kissed his way to the second nipple and this time, one of his hands joined in to massage a circle around it, pinching just a bit to see what reaction it would get from Rick.

He wasn't disappointed. Looking up into his boyfriend's eyes Daryl's grin got bigger and bigger. Rick's eyebrows were knitted together and his bottom lip was sucked between his teeth, containing the waves of pleasure the younger man felt rising.

Licking the nipple a bit more, Daryl let go to free Rick's lip before kissing him again.

“Don't bite back your sounds...I want to hear you, all of you.”

And Rick moaned, his back arching a little at the words, pressing his contained arousal to Daryl's stomach, he was so  _ hard _ .

“Do you think you'll be loud, gorgeous?” Daryl asked, testing the waters, his voice a bit shaky as he pushed himself to let the words out, daring to use the pet name.

“I don't know.” Rick signed, his mouth puckered in an unsure frown.

“Well, we'll find out, huh?” Daryl continued and winked before he went back down to sucking on a nipple more forcefully.

“Mmmm...”

“You like that?

Rick nodded assuredly despite the blush creeping in his cheeks and Daryl smiled even harder. This man was such a vision, so sweet in discovering new pleasures that the archer suddenly thought about all they would be able to do together if Rick wanted and a new surge of arousal flashed in his belly, making his cock ache further as it was still pressed in the confines of his jeans.  _ Later _ , now was about Rick, he thought to himself.

He went back to sneaking down Rick's body, leaving kisses all over his belly, sucking purple marks on one of his hip bones, lapping the happy trail that led impossibly lower with the flat of his tongue and reveling in the harsh intakes of air Rick took, in the deep if still low moans that escaped his parted lips.

“If there's anything you don't like, you have to tell me, understood?”

Rick nodded several times but it wasn't good enough for Daryl. The archer straightened up, chuckling at Rick's soft, needy whine at the absence of contact and leaned up to Rick's face, locking their gazes together again as his hands took to gently caressing the insides of the younger man's thighs.

“ _ Tell _ me you understand, Rick.” Daryl's voice was low with arousal, his concerned command resonating between them and sending shivers and goosebumps down Rick's warm skin.

“I—I understand, I'll tell you...promise.” Rick stuttered with his rough, paper-sand sweet voice as he chose spoken over signed language to answer.

“Good.” Daryl answered simply as he simultaneously dove back to Rick's lips, violating them into parting wide for his tongue to swipe over the inside of his boyfriend's cheeks and teeth alike before sucking on his tongue frantically and cupping the man's arousal for the first time.

The archer's palm laid flat over Rick's hard cock, pressing its outline over the tented fabric of his boxers and Rick moaned louder than he had yet, right into Daryl's mouth.

The evident pleasure of the younger man elicited a frank groan on the archer's part and he began massaging his boyfriend's dick a little harder, studying every last one of his reactions, from the frown of his eyebrows to the twitches of his abs and the various ragged sounds that escaped his overworked lungs.

“You're so beautiful like this, so fucking sexy.”

Fingers made their way under the waistband of Rick's boxers and Daryl waited for Rick's permission. He nodded and the underwear was slowly guided down long legs before joining the pile of Rick's clothes.

Daryl got up to admire Rick's body and stopped trying to control his breathing. He took in the sight of Rick's marvelous cock, his slender length proudly straining up to his navel, begging for attention, the tip already leaking clear fluids, his tight looking balls drawn to the base of Rick's member. Daryl got out of his jeans too, no way he could stand the punishing tightness of them any longer when he could see Rick this completely, no barrier of clothing blocking the view or cutting this magnificent picture.

Kneeling back between Rick's legs, Daryl's hands found the inside of his thighs again and pushed a bit so the younger man would part them wider, exposing even more of himself to his boyfriend and Daryl had to concentrate on taking a little air inside his lungs at some point.

“It's taking me all I have not to destroy you right now, Rick.” Daryl said before he did what he'd been fantasizing about since Sunday morning, if not before, and took Rick in his mouth.

“ _ Fuck... _ ”

Daryl grinned around Rick's shaft as he heard the choked off cry of the younger man and started going down slow and gentle, the fact that this was Rick's first time doing this, first time doing any of this, came back to him and made him slow his movements, his mouth, tongue, lips and throat making love to Rick's hard member just like he'd promised.

Rick's face was flushed a pretty dark pink as waves of pleasure washed over him and his hands soon found Daryl's hair, his hips bucking harder and harder into the archer's throat and he let him. He let Rick feed him his cock with growls of pleasure. He swallowed around it until the younger man cried and shouted at the ceiling, his hands tangling in locks of brown hair with every lick, suction and swallow. Every cry sounded like victory, pleasure distilled by their feverish coupling to absolute purity.

Daryl could taste the younger man's precome from his lips to the back of his throat and hummed strongly, vibrations sure to echo back to Rick's cock and he shouted again, something obscenely low and guttural that sent yet another surge of pleasure to Daryl's untouched cock.

He laid back a little, letting the younger man's arousal slip out of his mouth to suck at the tip, his tongue all the while dancing fervently in back and forth steps along the leaking slit, cheeks hollowing before letting go completely on Rick's next moan.

Daryl watched him as his hands fisted in his curls, tugging not-so-gently in his abandon, mouth seemingly irrevocably open in on and off cries of bliss. His eyelids fluttered back open when his cock went back to flap lightly on his stomach as he came,  _ hard _ , eyes meeting the archer's as thick white splashes of cum striped his lean stomach, cock connected with it by a thinner line that Daryl bent back down to lick and swallow, grinning. He swirled a finger in the mess of his boyfriend's belly before putting it in his mouth, sucking the taste off, all the while looking Rick in the eye, committing the vision of him in post-orgasm elation before he kissed him and talked again.

“Can you turn on your stomach, head to the side, please?”

It took a few seconds for Rick to make sense of the words and turn around on the bed but even when he did, Daryl was sure he misread his words because he tensed visibly.

Running his hands slowly over the younger man's back Daryl hummed low in his throat, trying to convey the exact nature of what he was going to do next and that was  _ not _ fuck him raw into the bed like his boyfriend seemed to ready himself for. He leaned in and kissed his lips again, resting his head on the pillow next to Rick's, touching his cheek with soft fingertips and brushing back a few strands of hair. That seemed to settle him a little as his smile made his way back to his prettily abused lips.

“I don't want you to be nervous about this, Rick, it's all about enjoying yourself and, again, you don't like it, you stop it, you're in charge here, alright?” Daryl made sure his voice was steady enough to calm any doubts that could pass through Rick's mind in this moment before he got back between the younger man's parted legs.

He started the process of going down Rick's body anew, sliding gentle fingers and palms over the bent muscles of his back, kneading his shoulders and nuzzling the back of his neck.

He descended slowly, taking in every little detail of the unwrinkled, untouched skin of Rick's back, frowning a little at the few, faded sharp scars he saw along his spine but decided against saying anything about it for the moment. He of all people knew not to bring something like that up, especially if Rick didn't feel like talking about it. He still noticed that the healed lines looked more surgical than domestic-abuse but he brushed it off and brought his focus back to the panting man beneath him.

When his hands reached Rick's round and firm cheeks, Daryl leaned back a little, more sitting on his heels than resting on his elbows now. His boyfriend's ass had looked amazing clad in the various pair of pants he'd seen him wear over the course of the last few weeks but seeing it bare like this took his breath away.

The hunter cupped it gently, massaging it in rhythm with Rick's gasps and gulps, smirking a little when he heard him swallow repeatedly.

Feeling a little more assured, Daryl got adventurous and he let his thumbs dip in the wonderful promise of Rick's crack, hands splayed on both cheeks, stroking as much of them as he could reach.

“Mmmm...”

Rick was moaning again, louder and louder and Daryl took it as an encouragement. Looking back-and-forth between where his fingers disappeared in the fold of Rick's ass and where rouge was settling deeper onto Rick's cheeks, Daryl found the hole he'd dreamt of burying himself into so many times already and parted his boyfriend's cheeks to peak at the dark peachy center of Rick's body.

They both breathed loud and heavy at that and Daryl couldn't resist all of his urges at once anymore so he bowed his head and blew softly, delighted by the clenching it provoked. Rick's back arched a little, invitation written all over the curve of his spine, his wrinkled forehead and his tongue darting out to lick his lips desperately.

And so he went for it and circled his boyfriend's most intimate span of flesh in a filthy and oh so enjoyable kiss. Rick all but shouted again and Daryl grinned against his skin, furnace-hot promise blinking against his lips.

He let his tongue slide tentatively around the appealing hole, gentle, testing and he was rewarded by the muscles twitching under him. The archer rubbed Rick's cheeks and went up a bit to grab at his hips, steadying the both of them before lapping more forcefully, circling one way then the other, his teeth grazing ever-so faintly.

Arousal fogging up his brain and leading his every move Daryl let the tip of his tongue get closer and closer to Rick's center before pushing it inside. Warmth so intense flooded his entire being as he took as deep a breath as he could through his nose and around his tongue. Mouthing at the hole, his lips spread around it and drool dripping down the crack of Rick's ass, Daryl dove his tongue as far as he could get it and he felt the dull ache of his neglected cock again at the same time as Rick's ass gripped him, trying to guide his tongue even deeper as much as push out the invasive muscle.

He lapped at his boyfriend's insides fervently, searching around to make Rick shout again. His puckered hole was loosening a bit and looking up towards the younger man's face Daryl was able to see the puddle that had formed on the pillow where his mouth rested and his hands fisted in both his hair and the covers.

The archer's tongue left Rick's hole and licked up the cleft of his ass, one hand prying Rick's off his curls to replace with his own as he inclined his body so that he was speaking directly in his boyfriend's ear.

“You like your hair pulled, handsome?”

Rick nodded, hesitantly at first and then frantically so, when Daryl tugged experimentally. The new fire it ignited inside Daryl's lower body was near-unbearable but he quickly learnt to ride its wave.

“You, are, so, damn, sexy... _ fuck _ ...”

Daryl kissed his cheek and gently manhandled Rick onto his back again before quickly reaching into his nightstand drawer to retrieve the items necessary for what he meant to have happen next.

Rick's eyes went even bigger but there was no fear or nervousness of any kind to be found in them this time, just surprise and lust, discovering everything at once and enjoying it thoroughly. Even though he'd already come once, his cock stood even harder than before, a twitching, nearly-red pride resting on his still sticky-looking stomach. More proof of his appreciation of the situation if Daryl needed any.

Daryl bent down to kiss Rick again, ravaging the lips of the other man, engaging in a fiery dance they were both getting more familiar with and therefore, more in sync. Feeling around on the bed, the archer took hold of the bottle of lube and opened it before breaking the kiss and forcing Rick to meet his gaze a bit more seriously.

“Are you gonna...y'know?” Rick signed, his hands trembling slightly.

“Gonna what, Rick?” the archer asked back, a short-lived smug look on his face.

“Penetrate me? Make me yours like this?”

What was it about this man being able to empty Daryl's lungs of all substance, air or whatever with the simplest things? All so innocent and eager, temptation embodied, an horizon of soft demands and warm bodies, wave after wave of love and lust so intermingled it became near-impossible to tell which was which and it didn't matter. They were everything.

“I'll only do what you want me to do.”

“I want you to take me, I want to be yours and I want you, I want all of you.”

Daryl stared at him in silence, utter shock and a little emotion creeping its way in the corners of his eyes. Both men were somewhat out of breath, the world only them, together, so small in this bed, so big in their eyes.

Gaze still locked with Rick's, the hunter got up on his feet and with a little push, he let the last piece of clothing he wore fall to the floor. He was completely naked in front of Rick for the first time and was about to feel self-conscious when the younger man all but gasped, a punched-out sound that almost resembled a whine. Of what, Daryl wasn't sure. He could hear need and arousal, want, but nervousness, too.

“You—You are...” Rick's hands would start and fall back at his sides on the bed before he took a deep breath and grabbed the word that hung in the air, signing as well as speaking. “Big.”

At that, Daryl's cock gave a wet little twitch, as if it knew somehow that it was being appreciated and stood prouder for it.

“M'gonna use these first.” Daryl signed winking and wiggling his fingers, eyes boring into Rick's, the deepest black pools Daryl had ever dove in by then.

The hunter chuckled but Rick looked certain enough so he went on to coat two fingers in a liberal amount of lube before sliding the back of his hand down the length of the younger man's torso and between his legs. Watching his face and sinking deep in the sea-blues to catch every little wave aroused by the archer's fingertips circling his rim, replacing his tongue with swift and loving rubs, Daryl pushed one knuckle inside. As he was feeling around a bit, Daryl raised a pleased eyebrow at the panting mess his boyfriend had morphed into. Daryl's mouth on him had already loosened Rick's hole quite a bit and the archer was able to push his finger all the way. The hotness of Rick's interior was the stuff dreams are made of and Daryl bit his bottom lip, sweat already forming little drops on his forehead as he forced himself to be slow and careful.

He began fucking Rick with that one finger, gentle and then, without warning, harder and Rick gasped, one of his hands making its way to his own cock while the other started back for his hair only to be stopped by Daryl who swatted at both offending hands.

“You said you wanted to be mine, well, that's mine, no pulling, no touching.”

The archer's tone was playful and the grin on his face was the sincerest he'd been able to form for a long time. Rick laughed and looked at him with an almost bashful hint to his face, his hands raised near his face in mock-surrender. Everything was so easy with Rick.

Daryl moved a little to the side to wrap a hand in thick brown curls and tugged again, a little more forcefully this time. A high-pitched whine for a reward and Daryl's eyes were no longer blue.

Soon, one finger became two, first straight and fucking Rick's hole as far as they would go, then crooked and feeling up for his prostate, knowing very well when he found it. Rick cried out and his whole body tensed in pleasure. The archer kept stroking the little bundle of nerves, drinking in all the delightful moans his boyfriend was making and taking advantage of it to fit a third finger in his increasingly loose hole.

The feel  _ and vision _ , of Rick's rim stretching around his top knuckles as the man writhed and moaned were driving Daryl crazy and he gave himself a firm stroke to calm the ache of his cock, the precome he'd been leaking for what seemed like hours easily guiding his hand along his shaft. He stopped soon enough. No way was he coming in his own hand tonight, nope-nope-nope.

“ _ Fuck... _ Daryl, I--I need you.” Rick's hands faltered through the signs, twitching uncontrollably with desire and exhaustion.

“Do you, now?” Daryl asked, trying for playful and teasing when really, he was gritting his teeth hard not to shoot his load at the words,  _ so needy _ .

“Don't...Don't tease, now.” Rick whispered more than he said, voice ever so raspy and Daryl shivered, one more wave of pure arousal and something akin to longing washed over him.

“It's totally unfair what hearing your voice does to me.”

“And yours to me, come on!”

Daryl laughed at the needy command, Rick's impatient words and his pouty lips that demanded to be kissed were an experience in themselves. Obeying all requests at once Daryl drew his fingers out of Rick's body carefully, circling his slackened rim one more time before he bent down to kiss Rick's lips with all the passion he could pour out of his trembling lips and he lubed himself up.

He positioned himself in line with Rick's blinking hole, brushing the tip of his cock against it, already moaning in delight at the light touch. Going as slowly as he could once more, Daryl entered Rick. The younger man's hole embracing the head of his cock and pulling him farther and farther. The clenching muscles around him, the warmth, the--

“You're so  _ damn  _ tight...”

Daryl bottomed out, the whole of his cock swallowed by his boyfriend's welcoming haven. One hand still in Rick's curls, Daryl stopped pulling to pet them, fingers brushing them away from his face while his other hand was tight around Rick's hip. All the while, their eyes never drifted off one another. Daryl felt more complete than ever before, connected to the deepest level with someone he wanted to have everything with, to give everything to and take everything from. Become one.

Rick's channel tightened even more around him, if that was possible, and Daryl took the hint. He started drawing out, still slow and steady, Rick's legs around his hips, feet crossed above his own ass and Daryl leaned down to kiss Rick as they made love for the first time, letting the other man take some of his weight on his chest as he balanced himself on one hand so the other was free to keep caressing dreamlike curls. Daryl buried his face in the crook of the younger man's neck, kissing and licking and sucking what would probably turn into a purple mark in the morning.

The archer tried to set as stable a pace as possible, making sure to drag along Rick's prostate with every push and pull. Rick's legs clutched at his waist, his heels digging in the small of Daryl's back, encouraging him deeper as he cried his pleasure in his boyfriend's ear, Daryl responding with groans of his own.

“Surreal.”

Daryl wasn't sure he'd actually said the word until Rick turned his head on the pillow to kiss his temple, one of his hands leaving the archer's muscular shoulders to thread his fingers through the long brown hair in the crook of his neck.

“You are, angel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep an eye out for the upcoming Secret Santa exchanged fics of the RWG and everyone else who signed up! They will be posted anonymously before the writers' identities are revealed on the 1st of January!!


	20. BITTERSWEET TOMORROWS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Notebook Entry: Rick lifts the veil off his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 20! One of my true favorites, probably the longest so far. I hope you like it :)
> 
> RL is a bit of a wreck lately so I apologize for the spaced out posting that's probably going to happen in the next 2/3 weeks, just know that I am on this boat to see it float till it naturally ends ;-)
> 
> As usual, chapter was beta'd by the one true TWDObsessive, thank you Cap <3
> 
> Enjoy!

_ Notebook entry _

 

Daryl woke up to a rather loud thud. It had felt quite near and it startled him awake. He had always been a light sleeper and he wasn't sure that it would ever change. Hence, he was even more surprised finding the bed empty except for himself.

The covers that had held Rick's limp sleepy frame had been neatly rearranged and were cold enough that the archer knew his boyfriend had gotten up quite a while ago. He had heard,  _ nothing _ .

Past the initial surprise, an irrational fear took hold of Daryl's throat and barely awake heart. His foggy mind started thinking that maybe the thud he'd heard was that of his front door, that Rick had left without saying a word, that he regretted what had happened the night before and would rather leave when he was still asleep than have to face him. What if...what if...

But another dull sound came from the other side of Daryl's screen and now that his eyes started to get rid of their sleep blanket he could just make out the shape of the other man behind it. Taking a deep, steadying breath, Daryl got up and around it, finally able to see his boyfriend.

A relieved sigh ran off his lips into the air. Rick was sitting at the L-shaped counter of Daryl's tiny kitchen mindlessly playing with an empty glass as he faced the window, his back to Daryl. He was still naked and Daryl found he was in love. No way around it anymore, he knew.

He approached cautiously and circled the other man's waist with loose arms. Rick startled a bit in his embrace and Daryl cursed himself for surprising him. He kissed the back of his neck in apology and sighed again when Rick leaned into his embrace, his back curving a little to fit against the archer's chest, his head lolling back onto Daryl's shoulder and turning to kiss his lips gently.

The position didn't allow for very thorough kisses and Daryl needed just that, so he parted from Rick, grinning at the light whine it aroused from him. He slid his hand under Rick's seat and made it spin, ever so-thankful to have bought that type of barstool after all.

As soon as the other man was facing him, Daryl squeezed himself between his parted thighs and kissed him again. Morning breaths be damned, these lips were oxygen, this mouth was life, this man was more home than their surroundings ever were or would be.

“Good morning to you, too.” Rick signed when they parted long enough for it, grinning with all his teeth. Daryl plundering his lips once more was his only answer.

When air was so rare that Daryl started feeling a little light-headed, he let go of his boyfriend's lips and trailed pecks along his jaw and down his neck, settling there, between Rick's warm pulse-point and his sleep-done curls. Rick's hands were going up-and-down his back lovingly, sometimes giving playful squeezes to his ass cheeks that had Daryl giggle in his neck.

They kept to their refuge-embrace for a while before stomachs growled and Daryl kissed his boyfriend's lips before detaching himself from him.

“You ok?” he asked, his tone concerned as he recalled Rick staring out the window.

Rick nodded slowly, a contemplative look on his face as he seemed to deal with deeper, heavier thoughts than the morning after they'd first been together should warrant. He took shallow but close-together breaths and Daryl was glued in place, waiting for Rick to say what was bothering him, steeling himself for things he didn’t yet know of, but he was ready for whatever Rick might need. His hands moved slowly and the archer was able to both look at them and into his boyfriend's eyes, going back and forth so as to be able to read the entirety of the younger man's message.

“I was thinking about showing you me. Or...rather, showing you something that made me,  _ me _ . Today, if you can, if you want.”

Just as he was about to answer, Daryl's phone rang and vibrated where he'd left it on the counter. He cursed and kissing Rick briefly on the lips, he took hold of the telephone mouthing and signing a quick  _ 'Hold that thought for me' _ before he picked up.

He hadn't looked at the caller's ID but wasn't surprised.

“Hey there Squirrel! Someone got lucky yesterday night? Whatcha up to?”

“Well, good morning Maggie. I'll have ya know that I'm very  _ unavailable _ right now.”

“Oh! So he's still here? Shit, m'sorry, did I interrupt anything interesting?”

“M'not telling ya anything ya nosy girl.”

He was still facing Rick as he spoke to his best friend and the younger man, huffing a laugh, had Daryl staring back into the blue orbs of his oceanic eyes, a tender smile drawing on his lips right away.

“Oh COME ON!”

“Mags, seriously, if ya don't stop m'hangin' up.”

“Alright, alright...just wanted to ask ya if ya were comin' to Daddy's Thanksgiving dinner this year, y'know since ya have Rick and all...”

“Huh...I think so, yeah, we haven't talked about that yet so I guess I'll be here, but I don't know if I'll be alone.”

“Ok, no problem, I'll tell him. Should I also tell your  _ business partners _ about your  _ unavailability  _ of the day?”

“Well, you're gonna call Carol to gossip anyway aren't ya? Might as well save me the trouble in passing.”

Maggie laughed, her clear bursts of laughter a familiar blanket that made him want to hug the hell out of her every time. Not today though, he had other plans today.

“I wouldn't, you know that.” and the archer could swear she would have winked at him had they been in the same room. “Alright then lil Squirrel, I'll leave ya two  _ alone _ . Lotta love.”

“You lil bug. Lotta love Mags.”

And like that, they hung up. Daryl didn't miss the way Rick's eyebrows were silently asking and he shrugged, not really embarrassed but not too comfortable either.

“'ve known her since she was a baby, she's more than blood to me.”

Noticing the slight tremor that passed through Rick's features, Daryl stepped back into the younger man's space, not hesitating to crowd him. He pressed their foreheads together gently, kissed his lips and nose and both cheeks, all along his jaw and to the point where it became his neck, nuzzling at the spot just under his ear, his own nose brushing the lobe. Rick shivered and Daryl straightened up once more, locking sea-blue eyes together to mouth the same question he'd asked before.

“You ok?”

Rick shrugged a bit but answered when the concern in Daryl's eyes increased.

“I am just thinking it's so nice that you have Maggie in your life, y'know. I hope I'll get to meet her, meet the woman who's been cheerleading you all these years.” he winked but Daryl could tell it wasn't as heartfelt as it usually was, however sincere his words, Rick wasn't feeling good this morning and Daryl was dying to erase the frown off his delicate features and steady his beautiful hands in their signing.

“You will, for sure, you might not be ready for it though, she's a handful believe me.” Daryl signed, a small snort in the wake of his words. “I believe you were saying something before she called?”

“Yes,” the look in Rick's eyes was so intense Daryl might have flinched had it been anyone else. “I want to take you somewhere, tell you  _ stuff _ so you understand  _ me _ better, maybe.”

The way Rick's hands paused every other word was confirmation enough of the younger man's nervousness and once again the feeling of protectiveness that washed over Daryl’s whole being took him by surprise. Whatever his boyfriend wanted them to do wasn't going to be easy on him.

“Hey...Look at me,” Daryl brushed back the wild curls Rick was hiding behind and kept his hand there, in the waves of his love, massaging the man's skull in what he hoped was a soothing way. “The hiding behind hair is  _ my _ thing, I don't mind sharing it but not with me, huh? You don't need it with me. Whatever you want to show me, and I know it's big, I can feel it, we'll be together, alright?”

Rick gave him a bashful smile, still a trembling shadow to his every move, but he nodded.

“C'mere.”

They kissed. Daryl didn't know what time it was when he woke up but it couldn't have been late, he never woke late. By the time they forced themselves to part and could get a shower, have breakfast and grab their things to get in the car, it was almost noon. They say love makes you blind. Daryl thought it made you lose track of time, for sure.

  
  


“Wanna drive?” Daryl asked and again, Rick nodded. They then took the younger man's car and even though Rick driving meant conversation was going to be pretty limited for the duration of the trip, Daryl could count several reasons not to mind. For one, even though Rick made it easy to talk, Daryl had never been much of a talker. Silence and quiet times with Rick were easy too, comfortable, so that was two. But most importantly, the younger man seemed to need some space, some time when he could just order his thoughts and Daryl wanted to give him that, and more, everything he needed.

The drive was then spent in almost complete silence. The only noises were that of the engine and Rick's fingers tapping the wheel in a clear show of tension. Daryl kept stealing glances at his boyfriend, trying not to get too worried. Rick was a grown man, if he'd decided he wanted to go through with this, whatever it was, no matter how jittery it made him, it meant he needed it. Didn't mean he couldn't be prepared to take care of him in every possible way after that though.

  
  


When Rick stopped the car and Daryl had a second to look around him he noticed they were in the parking lot of a school. The main building had a large sign that read: Harrison Cynthiana Middle & High school.

Daryl turned confused eyes towards his boyfriend whose jaw was set, his teeth making a faint grinding noise that prompted Daryl to reach over the console and put his hand on the other man’s thigh, mimicking Rick's gesture of a few week's before. The younger man met his gaze and seemed to relax a little. Giving the archer's hand a little squeeze with both of his, he finally raised them to sign.

“There's a bench over there.  We can go sit.”

“After ya, Rick.” Daryl nodded.

They exited the car and sure enough, a tired looking bench was set under an equally aging tree. They sat down and Daryl turned sideways so he could see all of Rick. His shoulders were tight up his neck, as if he was readying himself for some sort of blow and Daryl's heart crumbled at the edges. To see so much sorrow on Rick's normally so youthful, goofy face was hard to take, but he waited.

Long minutes passed during which Daryl kept looking at Rick's every twitch and blink while the younger man's eyes roamed around them in half-circles. His hands, too, were going back and forth, from pinching the bridge of his nose, to toying with his device or tugging not so lightly on an unsuspecting stray curl.

Watching him go through this whole process was hell for Daryl, but he kept his mouth shut and his hands to himself. If Rick needed him to just be there while he thought things through then the archer would do just that and sit tight, supporting him, wherever he was in his head.

Eventually, though, Rick turned sideways too, facing Daryl with watery but determined eyes.

“This used to be my school.”

Daryl nodded, he wasn't about to interrupt the other man now that he had found the strength to explain.

“My second school actually.” Rick's signs were sharp and Daryl wondered if ASL comprised self-defense mechanisms in the same way that you could rebuff someone or dare them to say anything using a gruff or rude tone when addressing them. If it did, Rick was clearly using some of those now, his eyes were the only thing reminding Daryl that the man was willingly sharing his story with him, boring into his own till he reached the bottom of the sea, reading every ripple he found there.

“I transferred here and was held back to fifth grade so I basically did my whole secondary schooling in this school.” Rick started again, his hands signing faster than usual. “I never really fit in at my first school, I was too soft, didn’t care much for playing with the other boys and that didn't go well. I got bullied, a lot during the first months of middle school. My father always told me I should never respond to bullies, that it was doing them too big an honor to pay them any attention. I did that. Never showing them I cared but it only made it worse.” Rick paused, visibly strained by the effort of telling his story. His eyes still fixed on Daryl's but no longer glossy, he looked angry and Daryl tried to prepare himself for the rest of Rick's tale.

Not able to just watch anymore, Daryl put a hand on his boyfriend's knee, rubbing up and down his thigh in silent support. He was pretty sure that by the time Rick was finished, he too, would be angry, probably angrier than he had ever been.

“One day, December 11th actually, I went to school like always, and it was like I could feel it, something was going to happen to me and I knew it. There were those guys, three of them, Simon, Negan and Phillip, they were the worst, picking on me, pushing me around, stealing my stuff and calling me names… Our teacher forced me to get out in the yard with the rest of the class for morning break and they proved me right. They got me into a corner of the playground and beat me, saying things like how the world would be a better place if fags like me could just disappear, that I was just trash and they were going to dispose of me like they should.”

A sob of absolute fury and disgust crawled its way up Daryl's throat and escaped it sounding like a growl. Rick's frown was getting deeper and deeper as he spoke and sitting still and quiet was taking all of Daryl's strength as Rick relived the events for him.

“The last thing I remember before I passed out is one of Negan's sheep spitting on me. Next thing, I woke up in a hospital bed with tubes and needles all up my arms and I could see blues and purples all over me, could feel the bruises too but I couldn't hear the machines beeping around me, couldn't hear anything at all.”

Suddenly, Rick got up and started pacing. Daryl was torn between his will to give Rick space and his absolute need to be close to the man when he was in so much distress. Need won. The archer got up too and pulled his boyfriend in for a crushing, fiercely comforting hug. Rick's arms weren't long to find Daryl's back, hands clinging to his shoulders, holding on for dear life as he finally let tears roll down and wet the hunter's neck where he'd buried his face. He was shaking from head to toe.

“I love you.”

The words were pronounced in such a faint and trembling voice that Daryl wasn't sure he'd heard them right or if he'd imagined them altogether. He pulled slightly away from their embrace so he could look into Rick's eyes. Rick nodded, confirming Daryl  _ had _ heard right. Rick disengaged totally from the hug to get his hands free but stayed as close as he could with Daryl still being able to read his signs.

“I mean it, I know it's not the most romantic situation and you might think I'm confused by my emotions or whatever but I'm not, I'm totally, irrevocably in love with you, Daryl, think I've been for a while now. Think that's also why I needed to tell you this, too, to show you how difficult it normally is for me to trust people. But you're not people and what we have is not  _ normal _ . It's fast and it's beautiful and it feels eternal.”

When Rick's hands stuttered to a stop, Daryl took it as a go for him to answer however he chose. He chose to take what was his and give Rick what belonged to him. He kissed him with everything he had. Deeper and deeper strokes of tongues in opened, gasping and yearning mouths.

“First sight, Rick, I think I fell for you at first sight. You're everything I've ever looked for, and more.”

A sob escaped Rick and he crashed back in Daryl's chest and neck, tears and joy, snot and absolute relief,  _ passion _ and peace.

They sat back on the bench, Rick's head resting on Daryl's shoulder as his breathing calmed down.

“You said you got here and they held you back to fifth grade, did you not go back to school at all after...?” Daryl asked after a while of just enjoying the silence and soothing contact. Rick sat up next to him and shook his head.

“No, the coma and the broken bones I got put me on bed rest for a while, then I had to go through quite a lot of PT and I also had to learn to live with...” Rick motioned towards his ears. “I had to learn ASL and how to stop the panic attacks I went through whenever I had to leave my house...that took a while, first day here was a nightmare for me...all those new faces and no voices to link them to...” Rick took a deep breath. “When I woke up from the coma, I was completely deaf, it's only months later that I started gaining back some of my hearing and to the point where I am now.”

Daryl nodded, slow, he had tears in his own eyes now and turned his head to the side so Rick wouldn't see it.  _ Count on that, Dixon. _ The younger man put a finger under Daryl's chin and pulled gently before signing.

“If I can't hide you can't either, 'not with me' remember?”

Again, Daryl nodded, smiling a tearful thing of a smile before leaning in and capturing his boyfriend's lips again.

“I met my first real friend here, too.” Rick signed after a while. “She'd transferred from New York so we were both kind of outcasts...Michonne, that was her name, asked me to teach her the language so we could talk and she could help me out with other people. The only person my parents ever met before you.” Rick said with a far away look.

“You still in touch with her?” the archer asked, caressing his boyfriend's knee with both his hands.

“No. She left here before high school. I wish we were, she was a good friend.” he signed, regret heavy in his eyes.

“Well, you're going to make lots of new ones very soon if you're up for it.”

Rick lifted his head and looked back into Daryl's blue eyes, confused.

“Just a thought but, Hershel, Mags' daddy, he does this huge Thanksgiving dinner, that actually starts at three, every year at their family farm and I was wondering if maybe...you'd like to join me?”

“You want me to come with you? With all these people? They're your family and you're inviting me?” Rick signed fast and emotional. Daryl laughed a bit.

“Yes, Rick, I'd like to introduce you. You don't have to say yes, it's a lot of people, some you've already met but, if you don't want to come, it's ok, I understand.”

“I'll come, I'll have to tell my parents but--”

“Oh, they can come, too, if you want, that is...don't want Gemma hating me for taking her son away from her on a holiday...”

“She wouldn't, but yeah, I can ask. Is it true that you're the one making the pie?” Rick answered, hands flying in playful signs, winking a bit.

“How do you know that?”

“Carol mentioned it yesterday. In passing...”

“In passing, huh?”

“Yeah, said you were very good at  _ making desserts _ , now I  _ know _ she was right, you have talent, for sure.” Rick laughed at his own goofy flirting and Daryl joined him before pulling him on his lap and kissing the life out of him.

“Wanna get out of here?” he asked when they had to part for air.

“Hell yeah.” Rick mouthed against his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Share your thoughts with me on Rick's backstory? :)


	21. FRIENDSHIP COMES IN ALL SIZES AND SHAPES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mags hollers her way through Daryl's front door, pastries and bonding ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As announced, this took a little longer than usual to come and I am sorry, also sorry not to be able to tell you it won't happen again because RL is so damn busy rn, thank you to any and everyone reading, warns my heart big big time. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this and once again, this chapter was beta'd by none other than TWDObssessive, thank you dear :)

_Notebook entry_

 

“Hey hey hey!” Maggie hollered and Daryl cringed, throwing his pillow in the direction of her voice behind the screen, tucking his face against the chest of a barely stirring Rick. “Oh shit. That Rick? Shit, sorry. I’ll wait in the car.” Daryl sat up on the bed begrudgingly.

“No, come on, Mags, s’okay. Just...just go sit on the couch, I’ll wake him.” He whispered, raising an eyebrow at her sweet smile, daring her to comment on the picture they were sure to be making.

He turned back to look at Rick and couldn’t help the affectionate grin that drew on his face. God, how did he get so lucky. The man was so beautiful in sleep, so peaceful and...Daryl reached a hand over to Rick’s face, gently caressing his cheek before tucking back a few loose curls behind his device-free ear.

He bent over him, memorizing every creek and faint crinkles of his boyfriend’s smooth skin, committing the very shapes of his eyes and lips to forever memory and smiling even more largely for it. He lowered himself further and brushed his dry lips over Rick’s slightly parted ones.

The sigh that escaped Rick was music to Daryl’s ears and he backed away a little to watch him wake up slow and sluggish.

“Hey there, sleepin’ beauty.” Daryl mouthed and Rick’s barely open eyes smiled the same as his lips, a carefree glint settling in his blues and the archer momentarily forgot Maggie was even there. Momentarily. She coughed loudly from the other room and Daryl cringed again. Rick saw the change in his features and again, his gaze and question mark eyebrows were enough not to need words or signs.

“Maggie’s here.” Daryl signed before letting his hands wander down the valleys and plains of Rick’s superb chest and abs, soft as a feather but goosebumps broke on the man’s skin anyway.

Rick sat up, looking a bit alarmed and when he began toying a little too harshly with his ear as he looked around the room, Daryl put a settling hand on his shoulder and a finger under his chin before mouthing his next words.

“You’re fine. I got you. It’s in the bathroom, I’ll get it, okay?” he said and got up at Rick’s frantic nodding. He kissed him softly before effectively parting and going for the bathroom.

He came back only a few seconds later and knee-walked over the bed to his boyfriend. He handed him his aid, gently brushing his hair where it was in the way of Rick setting the device and held his gaze as he did so.

The second he had it on, Rick’s features started to relax and Daryl took his lips in a much fiercer kiss than the first one. A _‘you’re ok, I’ll never let anything happen to you, ever’_ kind of contact. Lips on lips telling each other things no words from any languages could ever fully express, hands massaging skulls through wild curls and shaggy strands of brown. Caring. Reassuring. Necessary. Air.

They parted at Maggie’s next cough and both men heard her this time, Daryl rolling his eyes at his best friend’s insistence only to frown when worry settled at the bottom of Rick’s eyes again.

“Hey, look at me.” Daryl cupped Rick’s jaw. “You’re okay. Let’s get dressed, that’s a good thing for a first meeting.” Daryl winked and Rick snorted softly. “I love you.” the archer murmured low against Rick’s neck and the man’s shivers were enough to know he’d understood him.

When they emerged from behind the screen, Rick standing just that bit behind his boyfriend and clutching his hand in a tight fist, Maggie got right up, grinning.

“Hello there, sleepy birds!” she exclaimed, her hands raising and starting to sign as she spoke. “I’m Maggie, but I guess you know that already. Didn’t know you’d still be here, I’d never have barged in like this otherwise. I blame Dare for not sharing this bit of intel, by the way,” she said in one go, her smile never faltering and her eyes glowing so much with the joy of meeting her best friend’s partner that Daryl let her ramble on a bit, knowing her charms were kicking in with Rick when he felt the other man squeeze his hand before signing in turn.

“It’s nice to meet you, Maggie.” he said, smiling a solemn little thing and nodding at the same time. “I was looking forward to it.” he continued and the young woman’s smile only seem to get bigger and bigger.

“Yeah, me too! We’re gonna be the best of friends, Rick. As long as you do ok by that guy, there, that is.” she replied, pointing at Daryl and winking playfully.

Daryl snorted and put his arms around Rick’s waist, bringing him in a hug from behind.

“He’s doing more than ok,” he said as much for Maggie’s sake as Rick’s.  He spoke directly in the other man’s ear and grinned when he heard his stomach growl. “Someone’s hungry, huh?”

Rick nodded sharply once and passed a hand in his curls before covering Daryl’s hands crossed over his stomach, squeezing again, _‘I like her’_ . And Daryl hugged him a little tighter, _‘She likes ya too. I’m glad.’_

Maggie didn’t miss a second of the exchange and shot a gleaming look Daryl’s way before pointing to the coffee table. And sure enough, there was an _Olivita_ box waiting there. Rick practically jumped at the sight and both the others laughed at his joy.

“What did ya get?” Daryl asked even though he already knew the answer but she still replied when she saw the attentive look in Rick’s eyes.

“Some of Enid’s cupcakes, some of Patricia’s crepes and croissants, think Rose’ put donuts in there too, was too French without it she said because there are vanilla chou buns somewhere too.”  Maggie laughed gently.

Rick was jittery to say the least. He broke away from Daryl’s embrace to face him and raised an impatient eyebrow, _‘Can we eat?’_.

“Kiss me first, you sweet-toothed fool.” he muttered and Rick laughed his breathy laugh and leaned in to kiss him gently, Maggie whooping in the background.

Daryl knew Rick wasn’t touch-shy nor was he afraid of engaging in PDA but it kept taking him by surprise how easy it came to him, especially after he’d been so nervous to meet Maggie. It made him feel all warm and loved inside, though and Daryl grinned at him when they parted before going to one of the kitchen’s cabinets to retrieve some dishes and cutlery.

“Alright, breakfast it is.” Daryl smiled at them once they were settled around the coffee table, all three of them dismissing the couch to sit indian-style together. It wasn’t a big table and when Rick went for his steaming cup of coffee at the same time as Maggie went for one of the cupcakes and their hands touched briefly, Rick backed his hand away like he’d been burnt. He lowered his head a bit after that and Daryl caught his best friend’s gaze over the table and was grateful when she didn’t say anything.

Daryl knew now, that it would take time for Rick to really warm up enough to other people to feel secure around them, he knew why too, and he was okay with it. Silently, the archer inched closer to his boyfriend, until he was sitting behind him and pulled gently at his shoulders so Rick would press his back against Daryl’s chest. When he did so, Daryl hugged his waist again, resting his chin right where Rick’s neck became his shoulder and kissed the underside of his jaw before he turned his attention back to Maggie.

“So, why did ya feel the need to come hollerin’ through my front door this mornin’?” he asked, smirking.

‘Wanted to tell ya Daddy’s fine with Rick and his folks tagging along. And...figured we could make the pie together.” she smiled devilishly and Daryl snorted.

“Oh, so you’re here to gossip and eat till ya burst.” he translated, breathing deep as he tried not to laugh too hard at her antics. As he did so, the smell of Rick’s vanilla shampoo came running through his brain and he felt it short-circuiting at the sweetness of it.

“Please don't jump on your man while I'm here.” Maggie sighed and signed before putting a blocking hand on her eyes.

Rick turned to face him when he got what she was implying, a surprised grin on his face.

“You smell like heaven.” Daryl signed quickly, hoping Rick's body would shield his words from his best friend’s scrutiny.

Rick smiled that smile that showed all his teeth and Daryl went blind, forgot about Maggie and their breakfast and just kissed him, he had to.

The kiss was as decent as can be, long and tender, lips brushing and tongues caressing while Maggie seemingly got absorbed by a game on her phone.

They did part as Rick started feeling self-conscious, Daryl could see it all over his face, feel it in every squeeze of the younger man's hands on his neck and shoulders. He joined their foreheads together for a while longer before he cleared his throat and they went back to eating their delicious pastries.

The silence was suddenly broken by Rick’s breathy laugh and both Maggie and Daryl looked up from their crepes. The younger man was wearing his good-natured white smile and his eyes sparkled with affectionate amusement. True to what his mother might have thought a few days back, he reached a gentle finger and swiped the droplets of jam that had trickled from the corner of Daryl’s lips to his chin, looking into the man’s eyes as he did before he brought his finger back to his own lips and licked it clean.

“Guess neither of us knows to eat properly, huh?” Daryl snorted, playing it light when he was actually fighting the urge to pounce on the man and share that strawberry jam with him. _Damn Maggie_ , he thought.

Rick shook his head lightly in reply and Maggie huffed in fake annoyance.

“You two are gonna make me puke with your mushiness if ya don’t quit it.” she mumbled before getting up. “You done eating?” and when both men nodded she went for her discarded backpack and retrieved a stack of folded papers, her original grin adorably distorting her lips.

“What the hell Mags?” Daryl startled a confused Rick, the man’s tone was gruffer than usual and even Rick could tell. The younger man stretched his arm out to put a calming hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder and the frown on Daryl’s forehead softened as he put his own hand on Rick’s, caressing the skin before explaining. “Damn girl brought recipes. Don’t need that shit to know what I’m doing.” he signed and Rick huffed in laughter.

“It’s not for you, dumbass.” Maggie answered. “It’s a cream puffs recipe. You’re making the pie, and we help if you let us…” she waited for Daryl’s nod and continued “and then we try this, the three of us together?” she said as much as she asked, eyes going back from one man to the other.

Rick clapped his hands lightly in excitement before he rose up to his feet, pulled Daryl with him and all but bounced in place as he signed.

“I love that idea, we’re doing that, right, Daryl? We’re doing that.” he nodded at Maggie before Daryl could even answer. _Adorable_ , the other man drooled.

“Awesome.” Maggie exclaimed and then she darted for the small kitchen and starting taking all the ustensiles and pots they might need to cook out of their respective cupboards and drawers. Rick’s eyes only got bigger with each new item.

“Mary Poppins kind of kitchen?” he asked and Daryl met his eyes, trying to make sense of Rick’s signs.

“What do you mean?”

“Her _bag_ ,” Rick answered, mouthing the word for emphasis before he frowned. “Have you never seen it?” Rick’s eyes almost seemed to get out of their sockets at that but Daryl only shrugged and the younger man pressed a hand to his heart before continuing. “You cannot not see Mary Poppins, nope nope nope…” Rick was almost pouting now and it was Daryl's turn to frown. “We're watching it tonight.” Rick crossed his arms.

“ _Bossy_.” Maggie signed as she snickered and Rick smiled sheepishly.

“What the hell was that about?” Daryl asked, curiosity and amusement mixed, eyes locked on Rick’s joyful ones.

“I have a thing for Julie Andrews, ok? That too gay for you? Because I’m afraid it’s not curable.” Rick answered trying to take on a serious expression but the corners of his mouth kept twitching and eventually he let them form a full bashful smile that Daryl drank in.

“I can deal with that.” Daryl nodded. “Julie Andrews. Ok.” Daryl made a goofy check sign in the air and Rick’s smile got even brighter, all his teeth showing before he nodded. “Good.”

It was only then that Daryl saw that Rick’s shoulders seemed to relax, his neck stopped showing so many tendons and his hands stopped twitching in timid expectation. Daryl quirked an eyebrow at him and noticed Rick’s smile was shaking a bit, no way was he letting that pass. He turned his attention towards Maggie for a half-second.

“We’ll be right back.” he said before quickly snatching one of Rick’s hands and guiding him to the bathroom.

He closed the door behind them and backed Rick into it, kissing him with a passion that seemed to grow with each passing second, stealing all the air from his lungs before giving it back, and again. His lips danced along Rick’s in both reassuring and self-affirming movements. He settled Rick’s nerves as much as he took confidence in himself with each of the younger man’s responsive gasps.

“I love you.” Daryl whispered right against Rick’s kiss-swollen lips. “I love you.” he repeated as he drew back just enough so that Rick could read both his eyes and lips. “No more nervousness, not with me, not with Mags, don’t have to, ok?” Daryl demanded, cocking his head a little so his bangs wouldn’t stand in the way of his looking directly into his boyfriend’s eyes.

Rick seemed to latch onto Daryl’s gaze like a drowning man in a rough sea, the blue of the man’s eyes, serene and soothing, helping him get his footing back, brushing sandy floors on rather unsure feet but he held on. The younger man eventually nodded. “Kiss me again.” he whispered and Daryl found he could never resist Rick using his voice even if he tried.

That next kiss was as much about their lips meeting again as about the full body embrace it turned into, a tangle of limbs made of Daryl’s strong arms holding tight onto Rick’s neck and waist as one of his legs found its way between Rick’s and the younger man’s hands gently fisted into Daryl’s hair and shirt.

“I’m sorry.” Rick whispered again, in Daryl’s neck and the man pushed him back a bit.

“What for?” he signed his question.

“Being so annoyingly edgy.” Rick didn’t look up from Daryl’s chest as he signed and the hunter sighed before he coaxed his boyfriend to meet his gaze by gently brushing back a curl here and there.

“Ya got nothing to be sorry for, Rick. If anything, I’m sorry, for making you feel like _you_ had to do anything. Do ya want me to ask Mags to go? It’s ok if ya do, I don’t mind and she won’t either.” Daryl asked, trying to convey how sincere his words were with intent signs as he spoke and Rick shook his head vehemently.

“No, no, I like her! Besides, if I’m coming to your Thanksgiving reunion I might as well get used to being around people I don’t know, huh?” Rick said more than he asked and Daryl nodded slowly.

“Ok. You ready to go make that pie then?”

“Yeah, show me your talents, angel.” Rick winked and even though Daryl didn’t know if he’d ever get used to the dorky endearment, it put a bright smile on his face. He’d managed to make Rick feel better and that was all that mattered.

He opened the door again and found Maggie absorbed in the measuring of the ingredients they were going to need to make the infamous pie. She flicked them a discreet look, going from Rick to Daryl and slightly raising an eyebrow at him, straightening up and smiling at Rick as soon as she got her best friend’s go ahead nod.

The three of them eventually found an easy rhythm of cooking and conversing, the occasional snicker between the two friends putting Rick more and more at ease and that was a nice sight to behold. As time passed, the man’s hands became more assured, his signs a little more decisive even when just asking questions about the ways Daryl did this or that, no longer apologizing for his curiosity.

The only shadow that spread over them during the making of the pumpkin treat came as Rick asked who taught Daryl what he knew about cooking and pastries and the man didn’t have the heart not to answer when his boyfriend had taken so long to warm up to talking freely. And so he told him about _Olivita_ , about how the bakery’s name was made out of Rosita’s name, who he had already met and that of Olivia, who had started the bakery in the first place along with the latina, who’d been her apprentice at the time. Daryl told Rick about how that woman had taken a gentle shine on him and decided to hire him as an assistant when he was only just a freshman in high school and had taught him everything she knew.

His gaze grew foggy and distant from Rick’s as he tried not to get too caught up by his own emotions. “She’s passed,” he said simply and Rick’s gentle nod and hands twitching with the need to touch him would have been enough but the younger man obviously didn’t think so.

Once again, not caring about hiding his affections from anyone, he’d taken the few steps around the kitchen counter to where Daryl had set his station and crushed him in a fierce hug. Daryl hadn’t expected it nor had he imagined something so simple could feel so good, so necessary indeed. The sigh of pure relief that escaped him even had Maggie turning her eyes away from their embrace. Surely, she felt out of place witnessing such an intimate and yet so common display of affection and that was new too. Maggie had a hard time feeling out of place anywhere and Daryl was pretty much private property by the time Rick had rolled in their lives. Not because anything had ever been ambiguous between them or because she tried to prevent him from seeing anyone, far from it, but just because it had never happened before and so these two had grown used to it just being the two of them.

Daryl could still feel his best friend’s smile radiating in the room though and he knew without even looking at her that she was probably a little emotional too, both from talking about Olivia, who she’d known as long as Daryl had and from the scene unfolding in front of her. After all, she’d always been the one ready to swear to the skies that some day some Prince Charming would come for him and sweep him of his feet if only he just let it happen.

Daryl smiled in the bundle of unbrushed curls hanging around his boyfriend’s neck and nuzzled the spot between shoulder and neck softly, placing a soft peck in the tendons that strained from the position of Rick’s arms around his own shoulders. That soft brush of lips against his boyfriend’s skin was all at once a ‘thank you’ and an ‘I love you’, a ‘this is so damn good’ and a ‘thank god you’re here’, a harder press of his mouth plastering locks of light brown hair to Rick’s neck, a ‘don’t ever leave me’.

When they did part, they all had on glowing smiles and the pie was put in the oven only a few minutes later. That brought the attention back to the stack of papers Maggie had brought and reaching for it, Rick frowned when he was able to read them. Well, _read_ , not really, _see_ that nothing on them was written in English, that he did. He passed them on to Daryl who frowned too.

“Why is that thing written in French? Even the measures are fucked up, Mags!” Daryl groaned as he skipped through the five pages of the recipe.

“You’re serious, Dare?” Maggie chuckled.

“Man, I _know_ you speak the language, Mags, doesn’t mean _I_ can.” Daryl mock-glared at the woman.

“Oh come on, I’ll convert the measures and walk you two through the steps, alright? It will be even more of a team work kinda thing that way!” She said excitedly, her hands flying in enthusiastic signs and Rick beamed, she raised an eyebrow in what he knew was a question and answered before she could phrase it out.

“I think that’s awesome that you speak a foreign language well enough to read this!” he signed, sincere wonder in the wake of his fingers sliding and flapping through the air and she returned his beam.

“Thank you.” she almost blushed, almost.

“And you’re really gonna be able to convert all this? Do you need a calculator or something?” Rick asked, frowning and the lines on his forehead only grew in depths when both the others chuckled. He turned towards Daryl for explanation this time and didn’t have to wait long for it.

“Mags is practically a math genius. She wants to be an accountant or some same shit.” Daryl answered, smiling proudly as if it were his own child he was talking about.

“Not _some_ shit, exactly _that_ shit, Sir.” Maggie bowed.

“But, don’t you work at the local store?” Rick asked again and was held up from apologizing for crossing boundaries by Daryl squeezing one of his hands out of the next signs.

“I don’t mind questions, Rick, don’t worry.” Maggie began, smiling softly. “I had to postpone college to help my Daddy with his farm and when I’m not needed with the animals or in the fields I work at the store so I won’t have to take on too big a loan, or none at all, when I do go.”

Rick’s mouth formed a small ‘o’ in acknowledgement. He was impressed. That woman wasn’t much younger than he was, probably just about two or three years from his own near to be twenty-four years and was already in charge of so much.

“I--impressive, Maggie.” Rick finally said, simple and sincere and she seemed to appreciate it. So did Daryl, if Rick read the hug he got from behind and Daryl’s head resting on his shoulder to look at Maggie, correctly. “And the French? Where did you learn that?” Rick forced himself to ask building on the muscled courage of Daryl’s strong arms around him to help him be a normal guy hanging out and learning about someone else.

He knew Maggie had been sincere when she said she wasn’t bothered by questions because she beamed at this one and her smile was so warm Rick could actually feel its waves rolling over him.

“All by myself, Sir.” she said and bowed daintily which made both men chuckle.

Rick’s eyes were round.

“I’m impressed again. I couldn’t even read a sentence of Spanish even though I’ve sat through hundreds of lessons on the language in school.” Rick’s signs were a bit frantic, his excitement showing and some might have felt a bit overwhelmed by it but not Maggie.

She met Daryl’s gaze for a second where he was still hugging Rick from behind and she grinned. Rick was so sweet basking in the enjoyment of getting to know someone new, someone that counted so much for his boyfriend but mostly, someone new and who seemed to like him.

This was not something Rick was used to and he felt a little overwhelmed by the width of his emotional range in this moment. From the lingering nervousness and awkwardness he knew he’d probably feel forever when being in such close quarters with someone he didn’t know, to the genuine curiosity and wonder he felt for every little thing he could learn about Maggie Greene, and all the way to the weirdly painful elation that blossomed in his chest as he held onto Daryl’s arms still around his waist and breathed in the thick feeling of bonding that had spread all around the three of them.

He blinked a little and willed his lungs to please function normally and Daryl was there for it all, pressing gently against his back just the right way because he knew. The archer could see through every little twitch of his boyfriend’s muscles against him, could read every little hitch in the pattern of his breathing and could very well hear the thoughts twirling behind bright blue eyes. He wasn’t even surprised at how fast and easy this came to him, how he met no obstacle on his way to understanding Rick anymore, how connected they already were, through and through, inside and out. He kissed the back of his skull before finally letting go. He turned Rick around and kissed his lips gently, softly, almost smiling on the man’s mouth. _‘Friendship feels good, huh?’_ and Rick to caress his cheek as they parted again. _‘Think it does, yeah.’_

They proceeded to make the puffs and the vanilla cream meant to fill them. The three of them working together and filling the room with gentle chuckles and conversations made of signs covered in flour and sugar.

When Maggie did leave that night and it was time for Rick to go home as well, both men hopped in Daryl's car and drove in smiling silence, hands finding each other above the console and not letting go. The day had gone so well and neither Rick nor Daryl could even begin to sort through all that had happened and how big a step they had taken.

Daryl only hoped Rick meeting Maggie for the first time ahead of the big Thanksgiving reunion they would attend together would allow his boyfriend to feel at least a little more at ease when time came for him to meet everyone else.

A look cast sideways and he knew it definitely would. The younger man was smiling in the void, his curls flying around his neck with the crisp wind filtering through the barely open window. He'd found his serenity back and the archer wished that look of peace across Rick's features would stay for as long as possible. He would make sure it did.

**Author's Note:**

> This is sad, I know it is, but we'll go to more happy corners of their world right in the next chapter so, stay with me?  
> xxx
> 
> Also find me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hogwartstoalexandria)


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